How do you know if you Ex is still manipulating you or the situation?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My Ex and I have been broken up for months now, and I just recently heard from him indirectly. It was through the coordinator of an animal shelter that I've been involved with for over three years, and one that I had invited him to join me after we had met. Basically, he emailed him about wanting to continue volunteering after our breakup but not wanting to upset me. However, I told my Ex when we first broke up in January that I rather him not continue to volunteer, but he emailed me a few weeks later saying he was going to continue for the dogs. I emailed my Ex back telling him, okay but the specific dog he wanted to take out would do better with two people and that there are other volunteers to help him. My Ex didn't write me back after that, we have been NC for months. I don't know why he is getting the coordinator involved if he was going to go no matter how I felt, now he is concerned about my feelings? I posed this question before, but I guess it's still bothering me. It got me annoyed when the coordinator came over during our adoption day to basically asking me my feelings about my Ex continuing to volunteer. I told him I'm an adult, I wouldn't start any issues if he came, I would be civil. I think now that I'm out of the fog and I realize how messed up the relationship was and the emotional abuse that he put me through, I'm not a fan of seeing him at something that is supposed to be fun for me!

Call me selfish, but I rather not see him, but if he is going to come, just come and not bring it up to the coordinator or other people. It makes me feel that I'm made to be the bad "guy" well woman that keeps him from volunteering. There are other places for him to volunteer... .  ah well!

[Findingmysong723]

My Ex and I have been broken up for months now, and I just recently heard from him indirectly. It was through the coordinator of an animal shelter that I've been involved with for over three years, and one that I had invited him to join me after we had met. Basically, he emailed him about wanting to continue volunteering after our breakup but not wanting to upset me. However, I told my Ex when we first broke up in January that I rather him not continue to volunteer, but he emailed me a few weeks later saying he was going to continue for the dogs. I emailed my Ex back telling him, okay but the specific dog he wanted to take out would do better with two people and that there are other volunteers to help him. My Ex didn't write me back after that, we have been NC for months. I don't know why he is getting the coordinator involved if he was going to go no matter how I felt, now he is concerned about my feelings? I posed this question before, but I guess it's still bothering me. It got me annoyed when the coordinator came over during our adoption day to basically asking me my feelings about my Ex continuing to volunteer. I told him I'm an adult, I wouldn't start any issues if he came, I would be civil. I think now that I'm out of the fog and I realize how messed up the relationship was and the emotional abuse that he put me through, I'm not a fan of seeing him at something that is supposed to be fun for me!

Call me selfish, but I rather not see him, but if he is going to come, just come and not bring it up to the coordinator or other people. It makes me feel that I'm made to be the bad "guy" well woman that keeps him from volunteering. There are other places for him to volunteer... .  ah well!

[Findingmysong723]

I'm pretty sure he has volunteered after our breakup, but maybe recently hasn't.

[Clearmind]

Findingmysong, I can understand your hesitation and I believe you are right - in times like this we need to exercise maturity and be an adult and go about your business doing something you love  .

[Findingmysong723]

Thanks for responding Clearmind.

I guess him continuing to be involved with the shelter reminds me of how things played out before we recycled before. He continued to volunteer and take dogs together etc. However, this time I told him I didn't want to be friends and I kinda think he knows he has no shot. Last breakup I told him I couldn't be friends, but missed him too much and continued to be in contact, and we started the process of getting back together. I don't think he wants to get back with me, I think I saw his mask come off and he couldn't go back even if he wanted to!

Actually, that might be another thread I might start. The longer I've been out of the relationship, the more I realize we have been going round and round, he basically used the same wording when he broke up with me last time, and then of course he tries to make plans with me right after we end our relationship, because we have such a good time together. Also, tells me that he just wants to be friends and not give me any mixed messages... .  ah okay... .  you are a mixed message!

[Clearmind]

It is a mixed message and if you have both been down this road before - with recycles - its possible he is aware of your mixed messages as well.

This is not a criticism - however, we do establish patterns when we recycle. Time to break the pattern - this is up to you!

All the best and remind yourself that you have the power to say "no thank you".

[Findingmysong723]

Thanks for the response Clearmind, I'm going to stand strong, but just kinda feel annoyed and pissed off right now... .  ah it's get better!

[Findingmysong723]

it'll get better... . ah speak much haha : )