Gladto be away


« Reply #30 on: September 08, 2013, 10:33:52 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency        High     High High High
 Avg  3.00 2.30 1.20 1.33 1.83 3.00 4.00 1.33 3.00 2.20 1.44 3.80 4.80 4.60
 4+  1 2 0 0 1 2 5 0 1 2 1 5 8 9
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm     Above norm  Above norm   Above norm Above norm 
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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DesertChild


« Reply #31 on: September 08, 2013, 11:29:18 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  Mod Mod   High Mod  Mod High    Mod High
 Avg  3.90 3.00 1.00 2.11 3.67 3.10 3.14 3.22 3.75 2.20 1.33 2.20 3.80 3.70
 4+  7 3 0 0 3 4 2 4 3 0 0 1 6 5
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm   Above norm  Above norm Above norm Above norm   Above norm Above norm 

I knew I'd score high for the first. Some of the questions for Angry child were unfair though. For example: It makes me angry when someone tells me how I should feel or behave. Always. 'Cause it's been happening since I was 5 and people still feel like they need to do it to my face today. People tell me to my face that I can't *love* someone that I *need* to choose someone else. I get *why*, but I think I have a right to be upset at them. I don't mind the behaving part so much, it's the "feeling" part and preaching at me for a good 510 minutes about my feelings that makes me upset. I get sick of it, especially since I get this lecture so frequently. I say a firm no, you can't and they feel like it's their god given right to preach anyway. Though that's an outside issue of BPD, pwBPD in my life kinda exacerbated it. Test also doesn't ask how you handle it... .Mostly I use brainy methods in the form of Socrates, etc. I make them realize their mistake. Plus the test doesn't seem to differentiate between people who *are* actual people who get attacked frequently versus those who don't, but imagine themselves to be. For example, someone who is say, gay and once a day someone calls them a slur... .ummm... .I think they'd be more justified than someone who was living it well and complemented. Anger isn't always a bad thing. But the test doesn't differentiate between productive anger, such as civil rights, and anger that doesn't make a change. Nor situational value.



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ZigofZag


« Reply #32 on: September 15, 2013, 03:46:18 AM » 

Surprised that it picked up on vulnerable child, I thought that was buried nice and deep! Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency       High        High
 Avg  2.10 1.40 1.00 1.44 2.50 4.70 2.86 1.00 2.25 2.20 1.33 1.30 2.70 5.00
 4+  1 0 0 0 0 10 2 0 0 0 0 0 2 10
 Compare to GP  Above norm             
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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Hiloguy


« Reply #33 on: September 15, 2013, 11:27:27 AM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  Mod Mod   Mod  Mod Mod Mod Mod  Mod Mod 
 Avg  3.90 3.10 2.50 2.89 3.33 2.70 3.29 3.11 3.50 3.00 2.44 3.10 3.40 3.10
 4+  7 3 1 1 3 2 3 4 3 3 0 3 6 2
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm Above norm Above norm Above norm  Above norm Above norm Above norm Above norm Above norm Above norm  
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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VeryFree


« Reply #34 on: November 04, 2013, 03:18:58 PM » 

I'm trying to interpret my score: Above average on the vulnerable and angry childscheme. I understand that one. Looking back I was a lonely kid: had loving parents, which trusted me enormously. Because of that I got used to take on responsibilities and to solve my own problems. Looking back too much I think, because I never really got pointed the right direction, never really was validated (no complaining meant things were good), never was stimulated (wasn't necessary). From that the above norm compliant surrender, detached protector and selfsoother seem logical. Never ask another one for help, try to help yourself, don't bother another, meanwhile trying to have a high standard (demanding parent). Probably a lot of issues, but the high score on the healthy adultscheme keeps things in control. Am I seeing this correctly? Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  Mod Mod     Mod      Mod High
 Avg  3,50 2,80 1,40 1,33 1,83 2,20 3,86 2,11 3,25 1,80 1,89 1,70 3,50 3,90
 4+  7 3 0 0 0 0 5 2 1 1 1 0 6 7
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm     Above norm Above norm Above norm     
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.Okay, 5 months later I score as follows: Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency   Mod     Mod      Mod High
 Avg  2,80 2,30 1,10 1,44 2,33 2,80 3,43 2,33 2,50 2,40 1,78 1,40 2,80 4,80
 4+  1 3 0 1 0 0 3 1 0 1 1 0 3 8
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm     Above norm Above norm      

Still 4 of 5 items above norm, but it seems like my scores are shifting towards the norm. Probably a good thing. I think I found some more rest the past few months, been thinking a lot about me and my life and trying to do things the right way. I that way I recognize my new scores.



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GaGrl


« Reply #35 on: November 04, 2013, 03:54:54 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency       High    Mod   Mod High
 Avg  1.50 1.80 1.60 1.44 2.00 4.50 2.29 1.44 3.00 2.70 2.00 1.60 3.20 4.30
 4+  0 0 0 0 0 8 0 0 0 3 1 0 4 8
 Compare to GP    Above norm      Above norm     
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.Selfaggrandizer Yes, me too! Interesting ouch there, something for me to think about. This actually came up for me as a stress reaction on a Birkman Profile about 6 years ago.



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"...what's past is prologue; what to come, In yours and my discharge."



pessimoptimist


« Reply #36 on: November 26, 2013, 08:15:14 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency       High    Mod   High High
 Avg  2.50 2.20 1.10 1.11 2.00 4.20 2.57 2.00 2.50 2.70 1.89 1.60 4.30 5.10
 4+  0 1 0 0 0 7 0 0 0 4 1 0 10 10
 Compare to GP  Above norm            Above norm 
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.Ok, a bit of the vulnerable child, teensy bit of anger and aggression, and selfaggrandizer (probably to mask insecurities) ALL a good fit for from childhood experiences & parental examples. Something to work on... . Isn't it interesting that sometimes we pick up even the things we don't like about our parents? Demanding parent  definitely (it turns into critical selftalk too. Another thing to work on)



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Turkish
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« Reply #37 on: November 27, 2013, 09:53:35 AM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency       High High      High High
 Avg  2.30 2.00 1.10 1.11 3.17 3.80 3.71 1.78 1.75 1.70 1.67 1.50 4.10 4.40
 4+  1 0 0 0 1 5 4 0 0 2 1 0 8 7
 Compare to GP  Above norm    Above norm  Above norm      Above norm 




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livednlearned
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« Reply #38 on: November 27, 2013, 10:47:46 AM » 

I think the Demanding Parent data is interesting. Critical self talk... . Maybe a pronounced codependent trait?



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It's a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering.  Stephen Colbert



janey62


« Reply #39 on: January 29, 2014, 05:20:23 AM » 

It seems I'm a lot healthier than I thought I was. I'm less healthy now because of this relationship, but still retain the growth and strengths I had gained over the years leading up to it. This makes me think, as I read somewhere else too, that even if you're relatively healthy being in a BPD relationship can take you back to unhealthier days. I think it's because you compromise your boundaries to accommodate someone you are attracted to, love, pity, care for, empathise with, etc. Janey Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency       High        High
 Avg  2.70 2.30 1.20 1.44 2.00 4.40 2.14 1.44 2.25 2.10 1.78 1.30 2.60 5.30
 4+  0 1 0 0 0 9 0 0 0 0 1 0 2 10
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm            Above norm
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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dontknow2


« Reply #40 on: January 29, 2014, 09:18:29 PM » 

Surprised most by healthy adult. The return on investment from 4 years of therapy really shows here. Not surprised by the vulnerability at all. At least I know where my residual anger stems from; working on better taking care of myself yet still struggle. Need to readup on Detached Protector... . hhhmmm, intrigued. Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  Mod     Mod       Mod High
 Avg  3.10 2.80 1.50 2.56 2.67 3.30 3.00 2.44 2.50 2.70 2.11 1.80 2.90 4.30
 4+  3 1 0 0 0 3 0 2 0 1 0 0 3 9
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm Above norm     Above norm      
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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ts919


« Reply #41 on: February 28, 2014, 09:02:34 AM » 

Very interesting indeed Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  Mod Mod    Mod High  Mod High  Mod High High
 Avg  3.00 2.60 1.10 2.11 1.83 3.10 4.29 1.78 3.50 3.10 1.33 3.00 3.90 4.10
 4+  4 3 0 1 0 3 4 0 2 4 0 4 6 7
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm     Above norm  Above norm Above norm  Above norm Above norm 
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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Popcorn71


« Reply #42 on: February 28, 2014, 11:41:54 AM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency   High Mod   Mod    High Mod  High High
 Avg  2.60 5.00 3.10 3.22 2.50 3.60 3.14 2.33 2.75 3.90 3.44 1.70 5.20 4.70
 4+  1 9 4 2 1 5 2 0 1 5 4 0 9 7
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm Above norm Above norm   Above norm Above norm Above norm Above norm Above norm  Above norm 
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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Allmessedup


« Reply #43 on: March 04, 2014, 11:51:05 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  High    Mod  High Mod High   High High 
 Avg  4.60 2.40 1.30 2.00 3.67 2.20 4.71 3.11 4.25 2.30 1.33 4.00 4.30 2.90
 4+  10 2 0 0 5 1 7 3 3 2 0 8 8 2
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm   Above norm  Above norm Above norm Above norm   Above norm Above norm 
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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Pingo


« Reply #44 on: December 17, 2014, 01:13:21 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency               Mod
 Avg  2.90 2.80 1.10 1.78 2.67 2.80 3.00 1.78 2.25 2.50 1.44 1.90 2.80 3.40
 4+  1 1 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 2 1 0 1 4
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm          Above norm  




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BuildingFromScratch


« Reply #45 on: December 17, 2014, 02:11:08 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  High Mod   High  High High High Mod  High High 
 Avg  5.30 3.30 2.30 2.56 3.00 1.20 4.14 5.11 4.75 2.60 2.00 3.50 3.80 2.10
 4+  9 6 1 2 2 0 5 7 3 4 1 3 7 1
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm Above norm  Above norm  Above norm Above norm Above norm   Above norm Above norm 




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billypilgrim


« Reply #46 on: December 17, 2014, 02:31:06 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  Mod Mod    Mod High  Mod   Mod High High
 Avg  2.80 2.60 1.20 1.22 2.33 3.20 4.71 1.33 3.75 2.00 1.33 3.10 4.90 3.90
 4+  3 3 0 0 1 3 5 0 3 1 0 5 9 7
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm     Above norm  Above norm   Above norm Above norm 
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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Moselle


« Reply #47 on: December 17, 2014, 02:57:40 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency   Mod   Mod High       High Mod
 Avg  2.50 2.70 1.00 2.11 3.00 3.60 3.00 2.78 3.00 2.70 2.44 2.00 3.50 4.00
 4+  0 3 0 0 3 5 1 1 1 2 1 1 4 7
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm   Above norm   Above norm Above norm  Above norm Above norm  
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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HappyNihilist


« Reply #48 on: December 22, 2014, 10:11:27 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  High    High High High      Mod High
 Avg  3.70 2.60 1.20 1.89 3.83 4.20 3.71 2.33 3.00 1.80 1.56 2.20 3.10 5.10
 4+  4 1 0 0 3 7 4 0 1 0 1 1 4 10
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm   Above norm  Above norm Above norm Above norm   Above norm  
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. """Above norm"" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population." in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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Fluff


« Reply #49 on: December 23, 2014, 09:51:14 AM » 

The F, I'm highest in all the BPD modes. Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  High High   Mod High Mod High Mod Mod  Mod High High
 Avg  3,80 2,90 1,00 1,56 2,67 3,10 3,29 3,22 3,00 2,90 1,89 2,70 3,70 4,00
 4+  7 4 0 1 2 5 4 4 2 5 1 4 6 7
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm     Above norm Above norm Above norm   Above norm Above norm 
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.My analysis is I have weak BPD and vulnerable narc traits. That's actually what I would expect. On PD tests Avoidant Personality Disorder is really high. But that might be a result of these two.



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HappyNihilist


« Reply #50 on: January 01, 2015, 09:36:45 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  High    High High High      Mod High
 Avg  3.70 2.60 1.20 1.89 3.83 4.20 3.71 2.33 3.00 1.80 1.56 2.20 3.10 5.10
 4+  4 1 0 0 3 7 4 0 1 0 1 1 4 10
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm   Above norm  Above norm Above norm Above norm   Above norm  
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. """Above norm"" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population." in other words, statistically higher than the general population.I'm pleased and thankful for my high tendencies towards the Happy Child and Happy Adult modes. I really do feel like I'm mostly OK overall, and I generally quite enjoy life. I feel like learning more about all of the modes, and my own tendencies, has been very helpful in my ongoing quest for my own truth. Undisciplined (Impulsive) Child  acts on noncore desires or impulses in a selfish or uncontrolled manner to get his or her own way and often has difficulty delaying shortterm gratification; often feels intensely angry, enraged, infuriated, frustrated, impatient when these noncore desires or impulses cannot be met; may appear 'spoiled'My parents didn't really "spoil" me, and I certainly wasn't undisciplined. This tendency of mine is in a lot of ways a "rebellion" against continued suppression of my own needs... .which is covered in another mode. I do have a problem delaying shortterm gratification and setting longterm goals. I've done a lot of work in this area, actually, and looking back, I'm quite proud of how far I've come in the past 10 years or so. It will always be a natural part of me, but I can live and thrive with it. Now, how did this tendency play in my r/s with my exBPDbf? He was an only child (like me) with a high tendency towards Undisciplined Child himself. He once said that we would pout each other to death. But there can't be two Undisciplined Children for long, and I eventually avoided reverting to this mode, because it might infringe on his desires and impulses. With this mode inaccessible, I went fullforce into my most natural "unhealthy" innate child mode... . Vulnerable Child  feels lonely, isolated, sad, misunderstood, unsupported, defective, deprived, overwhelmed, incompetent, doubts self, needy, helpless, hopeless, frightened, anxious, worried, victimized, worthless, unloved, unlovable, lost, directionless, fragile, weak, defeated, oppressed, powerless, left out, excluded, pessimisticYes, yes, yes, and so on. This is my deepest soul wound that I must heal. I know it. And I know it's not easy. But I'm trying. As far as my r/s... .well, a Vulnerable Child who feels unlovable, defective, directionless, lonely, etc., desperately wants to soothe those feelings. So I clung on tightly to my exBPDbf because he soothed them for me... .and he did so by presenting a mode (his primary coping mechanism) that was intimately familiar to me because it was what my caregiver (mother) practically lives by: the Demanding Parent. Demanding Parent  feels that the "right" way to be is to be perfect or achieve at a very high level, to keep everything in order, to strive for high status, to be humble, to put others' needs before one's own, or to be efficient or avoid wasting time; or the person feels that it is wrong to express feelings or to act spontaneously. This mode refer to the nature of the internalized high standards and strict rules, rather than the style with which these rules are enforced; these rules are not compensatory in their functionMy moderate tendency towards this maladaptive parent mode shows my internalization of this. My exbf provided it externally and as naturally as breathing. So, what happens when a Vulnerable Child meets a Demanding Parent (with a good dose of Punitive Parent to boot)? In my relationship with my exbf, just as in my r/s with my mother, I eventually became the epitome of the Compliant Surrender maladaptive coping method. Compliant Surrender  acts in a passive, subservient, submissive, approvalseeking, or selfdeprecating way around others out of fear of conflict or rejection; tolerates abuse and/or bad treatment; does not express healthy needs or desires to others; selects people or engages in other behavior that directly maintains the selfdefeating schemadriven patternAfter the breakup, my ex wistfully talked about how docile and compliant I was... .and it's true... .the depths to which I can go in this mode are deep and dark indeed. Usually it's not nearly so extreme, but with someone who pushes just the right combination of buttons on the access panel to my soul... .* peers over the edge into the bottomless pit*



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OffRoad


« Reply #51 on: March 27, 2015, 07:31:01 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency       High        High
 Avg  1.00 1.10 1.00 1.00 1.00 4.80 1.14 1.00 1.50 2.20 1.00 1.00 2.00 6.00
 4+  0 0 0 0 0 9 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 10
 Compare to GP               Above norm
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.I'm surprised. I wonder if I would have had the same results three months ago?



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Lifewriter16


« Reply #52 on: November 02, 2015, 09:47:12 AM » 

Message from Skip on how to paste into a thread: Try going to the third page of the workbook and copying the long narrow column that looks nothing like the final table (its coded). Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  High Mod     Mod  High Mod   Mod Mod
 Avg  3.90 2.70 2.00 2.00 3.17 3.00 3.57 2.56 3.25 2.30 2.00 2.20 2.60 3.40
 4+  7 3 0 0 1 2 5 2 2 3 0 0 3 4
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm Above norm  Above norm  Above norm Above norm Above norm   Above norm  
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.Hey, thanks Skip  it works! Anyone knows what this means? Lifewriter



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Mutt
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« Reply #53 on: November 02, 2015, 04:59:22 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency       High        High
 Avg  1.90 1.70 1.50 1.22 2.50 4.70 2.29 1.56 1.00 1.70 1.11 1.30 2.60 4.50
 4+  1 1 1 0 1 10 1 0 0 0 0 0 2 8
 Compare to GP    Above norm           
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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thisagain


« Reply #54 on: November 02, 2015, 05:55:54 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency   Mod    Mod        High
 Avg  2.60 2.30 1.00 1.11 1.83 3.80 2.43 2.33 1.75 2.30 1.78 1.40 3.00 5.40
 4+  2 3 0 0 0 7 0 2 0 1 1 0 2 10
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm      Above norm      Above norm

I had the same thought as DesertChild (reply #31) about the Angry Child... .is there something wrong with not liking other people telling you how you should feel or behave? Especially telling you that you shouldn't feel some valid feeling. If I was hurt by something horrible my BPD ex did, and she told me I shouldn't be hurt by it (because it was justified in her delusional blackandwhite world), yes that makes me angry. That's gaslighting and emotional abuse and it makes me angry.



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« Reply #55 on: November 02, 2015, 06:57:42 PM » 

"Child" refers to childhood emotions carried into adulthood. From Jeffrey Young, PhD We have identified five main modes that characterize the borderline patient: 1. the Abandoned Child 2. the Angry Child 3. the Punitive Parent 4. the Detached Protector 5. the Healthy Adult We will summarize the modes briefly to provide an overview, and then we will describe each one more fully. The Abandoned Child mode is the suffering inner child. It is the part of the patient that feels most of the schemas – that feels the pain of the abandonment, abuse, deprivation, defectiveness, subjugation. The Angry Child mode is predominant when the patient is enraged because her basic emotional needs are not being met. The Punitive Parent mode is the internalized voice of the parent, criticizing and punishing the patient. When the Punitive Parent mode is activated, the patient becomes a cruel persecutor, usually of herself. In the Detached Protector mode, the patient shuts off all emotions, disconnects from others, and functions like a machine. The Healthy Adult mode is weak to nonexistent in the borderline patient, especially at the beginning of treatment.



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Sunfl0wer


« Reply #56 on: November 02, 2015, 10:21:06 PM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency       Mod       Mod High
 Avg  2.40 1.30 1.00 1.33 2.33 3.40 1.43 2.67 2.75 1.40 1.89 2.40 2.80 4.80
 4+  0 0 0 0 1 5 0 1 1 0 2 2 3 9
 Compare to GP  Above norm       Above norm Above norm   Above norm  

Seems pretty accurate to me. I do have some tendencies towards being a demanding parent and punishing parent to myself. I was surprised to see I had a "mod" for Happy child." That is good to know as I figured maybe my demanding parent may squash that at times. Thank you for this.



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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.~Anais Nin



babyducks


« Reply #57 on: November 03, 2015, 05:05:56 AM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency      Mod High Mod      Mod High
 Avg  1.40 1.30 1.00 1.56 3.00 3.20 3.14 2.22 1.50 1.50 1.11 1.30 3.30 4.80
 4+  0 1 0 1 2 3 3 2 0 0 0 0 5 8
 Compare to GP      Above norm  Above norm Above norm      
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.



Chilibean13


« Reply #58 on: November 13, 2015, 08:11:09 AM » 

My results are interesting considering I scored so high on healthy adult. This just further shows me that in my life most things are going well except in my relationship. It is only with my uBPDh that I work out of the other schemas. Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency  Mod Mod   Mod High Mod   Mod   Mod High
 Avg  3.00 2.70 1.20 1.44 2.67 4.20 3.57 2.22 2.25 3.30 1.89 1.20 3.10 5.30
 4+  5 4 0 0 2 7 3 1 0 4 1 0 4 9
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm     Above norm Above norm  Above norm    Above norm
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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C.Stein


« Reply #59 on: November 13, 2015, 11:47:53 AM » 

Mode  Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached SelfSoother Selfaggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult
 Tendency       Mod Mod Mod     Mod High
 Avg  2.00 2.30 1.30 1.22 2.33 3.20 3.71 2.89 2.25 1.40 1.22 1.90 3.30 4.70
 4+  0 2 0 0 0 3 5 4 0 0 0 1 3 9
 Compare to GP  Above norm Above norm     Above norm Above norm    Above norm  
 Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function. Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 16). 4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode. "Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average)  stronger tendencies than the general population. in other words, statistically higher than the general population.



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