My sister

[Our abuse recovery guide]

My sister has BPD. My life until the age of about 30 was tormented, feeling there was something wrong with me. Why was she always twisting things and fighting with me, with this underlying pressure from her. Was it me? I knew it wasn't but couldn't explain it. After many years of therapy for me, my therapist mentioned that she may have BPD, everything made so much sense, immediately. I understood it, but it really didn't make it that much easier. It's been about 13 years since I discovered this. I've put up more boundries and avoid the confrontation as much as I can. Unfortunately I'm sort of like a drone. It's the only way I can function with her. To her, everyone else is messed up and nothing is wrong withh her.

We live far apart, but I still worry and care for her. But I need to protect myself, my mental health. Lately she is at a hard point (not that every point is not harder for her). She needs help, but I can do it, I can't sacrifice myself to be tortured in her web of toxicity. I need support. I feel so alone in this. The rest of my family also has issues, an assortment of pd's and my mother is no longer alive. My sister is reaching out for help in her way but just waiting to attack. I don't know what to do. Anyway, I realize I need a place to find support.

[acb123]

My sister has BPD. My life until the age of about 30 was tormented, feeling there was something wrong with me. Why was she always twisting things and fighting with me, with this underlying pressure from her. Was it me? I knew it wasn't but couldn't explain it. After many years of therapy for me, my therapist mentioned that she may have BPD, everything made so much sense, immediately. I understood it, but it really didn't make it that much easier. It's been about 13 years since I discovered this. I've put up more boundries and avoid the confrontation as much as I can. Unfortunately I'm sort of like a drone. It's the only way I can function with her. To her, everyone else is messed up and nothing is wrong withh her.

We live far apart, but I still worry and care for her. But I need to protect myself, my mental health. Lately she is at a hard point (not that every point is not harder for her). She needs help, but I can do it, I can't sacrifice myself to be tortured in her web of toxicity. I need support. I feel so alone in this. The rest of my family also has issues, an assortment of pd's and my mother is no longer alive. My sister is reaching out for help in her way but just waiting to attack. I don't know what to do. Anyway, I realize I need a place to find support.

[laelle]

Awww Andreacb,

Your story brought tears to my eyes.  I am so sorry that you have had to suffer abuse from your sister most of your life.  Someone with BPD can not process their own negative emotions and toss them at the people that are closest to them.  The people that love them.  Its not intentional, but sadly its something they will probably never realize about themselves, therefore will never be able to fix.  Its a cruel disorder for the person with BPD and the people that love them.

You have every right to protect yourself mentally and physically from your sisters influence, in fact, it is the right thing for you to do.  If you are beaten down and mentally ill yourself, how could help your sister?

Here is a link with a bit of information about how to reduce conflict in your relationship with your sister. Video-Tools to Reduce Conflict with a person suffering from BPD

I wanted to ask how you are holding up with the pressure your sister is putting on you?  What are you doing for yourself to keep you happy and healthy.

 Laelle

[acb123]

Thanks for your response Laelle.

I'm here to connect. I think that is the only way to free up some of the burden of this disorder.

I don't know how to deal anymore and her situation is pretty bad - Bad relationship with Ex husband, lost job can't pay mortgage health care etc, 9 year old daughter (whom I love very much) to care for. She really has no support. She has formed few relationships in her life and the ones she has formed she has destroyed, leaving only her family as support. And frankly, I'm the only one holding up the ship (my dad is NPD, my brother a schizotypal pd/NPD/histrionic melting pot, my mom died) and I can not longer do it anymore. I have my own family to care for now.

She needs to learn to deal with her stuff. I just worry greatly for her daughter. Now the pressure is on her - my sister's only connection and support. The whole thing is like watching a slow car crash, knowing the outcome and being helpless.

so basically I just need a community. I need some empathy from others who get it. I hope I can find it here.

Thanks.

[laelle]

Andrea,

From my own personal experience here at bpdfamily, I can say with all my heart that I could not have made through without the love and support that has been shown to me here.

I will always and forever be a part of this community.

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

I wish you well on your journey.

 Laelle