Mirror in the bathroom

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Every so often I hear music like the song mirror in the bathroom by English beat, or dull tool by Fiona apple, that the lyrics remind me of BPD experience... .

any other people having difficulty listening to music. classic rock makes my heart ache and puts me in a miserable mood now. I can hardly watch movies that are even lighthearted with people cheating or partying or hooking up. These things bring me right back to the pain. Im stuck listening to news radio in the car , and either watching cartoons or boring documentaries to avoid the ache feeling.

Does anyone have this problem? is this ptsd? Sucks because I used to love music and movies but I avoid so much stuff now to run from that feeling. anyone have any songs about BPD they discovered?

[Ittookthislong]

Every so often I hear music like the song mirror in the bathroom by English beat, or dull tool by Fiona apple, that the lyrics remind me of BPD experience... .

any other people having difficulty listening to music. classic rock makes my heart ache and puts me in a miserable mood now. I can hardly watch movies that are even lighthearted with people cheating or partying or hooking up. These things bring me right back to the pain. Im stuck listening to news radio in the car , and either watching cartoons or boring documentaries to avoid the ache feeling.

Does anyone have this problem? is this ptsd? Sucks because I used to love music and movies but I avoid so much stuff now to run from that feeling. anyone have any songs about BPD they discovered?

[winston72]

Yes, yes, yes... . music in particular triggers nostalgia, pain, heartache.  Most of my playlists are ones we created together or for each other... . and any films or tv shows about romance or infidelity are too painful to watch.  I switch it off!

It is getting better, I must admit.  Today has been a hard day as it is a quiet, lonely Sunday.  And I was stung by some music this morning.  A timely message from you!

On this topic, I have been allowing the memories and the corresponding emotions to run free within me.  I am not shutting them down.  I have the sense right now that allowing some of the scabs to come off is good for me.  I say this because I tend to repress and deny my feelings... . all of them!  So, I am allowing these very powerful ones to plow my inner world pretty deeply; and hopefully gaining some emotional insight and healing in the process.

[Ittookthislong]

sorry I don't think I explained that well. any music I listened to around my ex I cannot even listen to. any music about just having fun and sex. makes my stomach turn and I think of how many people listen to this and make no apologies. music that's about partying, cheating, fun... . makes me think hes out doing that stuff... . im such a stick in the mud now, a square, I don't want to hear any of that stuff anympre... . I used to be fun.

[Ittookthislong]

Winston... . I told a friend a little while back that ill know im ready to date again when I can listen to "take a look at me now" by phil Collins and not cry... . its such and over dramatic ridiculous song and I think its funny that it makes me cry, but it does. when I can endure that song I can endure another man

[winston72]

I can feel the emotion at the top of my throat! 

I don't want to be glib in the future concerning stories or songs of infidelity.  That is way too painful and destructive to regard lightly... . at all or in any context.  I feel okay about that sensitivity, although I would like it to be a little less intense.

The songs and images of romance still kill me.  And I am not in a place right now to even think about it with someone else.  Oddly, I can't quite imagine it with my ex either.  That is an odd kind of progress that I just realized!  And now that I type it, it makes me sad.

[apple]

Every so often I hear music like the song mirror in the bathroom by English beat, or dull tool by Fiona apple, that the lyrics remind me of BPD experience... .

any other people having difficulty listening to music. classic rock makes my heart ache and puts me in a miserable mood now. I can hardly watch movies that are even lighthearted with people cheating or partying or hooking up. These things bring me right back to the pain. Im stuck listening to news radio in the car , and either watching cartoons or boring documentaries to avoid the ache feeling.

Does anyone have this problem? is this ptsd? Sucks because I used to love music and movies but I avoid so much stuff now to run from that feeling. anyone have any songs about BPD they discovered?

I can relate very much. I was a working musician during my marriage and It has taken a long time for me to start listening to music again. I don't own any instruments any longer and I gigged for a living for 10+ yrs.  Listened to FNC and that's about it. It sucked the life out of me including my love of music.

Many of pinks' songs scream BPD

Axl rose GnR song better makes me think BPD

[changingme]

I have this issue with places we have been, more so places he has went, but I wasn't included or vacations he took with gf instead.  It all turns my stomach that I can't handle hearing about it or seeing it or anything that makes me think of it.  There are a handful of songs that do the same and yes I have that sensitivity to movies. 

[Ittookthislong]

GET THIS, im not being dramatic. I used to paint for work. We met and painted together for all our relationship... . but now the smell of acrylic paint, or canvas turns me off of painting. Not to mention I cant paint as well- lack of confidence.  I dont have any interest in painting, or talking about art, or meeting other artists. so I just abandonned it and started a whole different line of work. everyone asks me why I have not painted in so long, I just say im working on other stuff, and that's true, but something about this experience makes it difficult to go back to painting. I know that's me doing that to myself but I just cant

[willtimeheal]

I have a huge issue with Facebook. I hate it. That is where she hooked  up with all her newbies when she was upset with me. I hate social media.  And God forbid I post a picture of me having fun... . dreadful and I would feel the wrath!

[papawapa]

I have been listening to all the CD's in my car and most all of them have songs that seem to be about someone with BPD.

Lauryn Hill's Ex-Factor is probably the one I can relate to most and it was a song that my ex used to listen to after we would have big blow ups.

Bob Dylan's song Make You Feel My Love is another.

The Allman Brothers band have a number of songs, some of them are old blues covers, that I relate to. Tied to the Whipping Post and Crazy Love being two that stand out most.

Beautifully Broken by Gov't Mule was a song I always played for her as it describes her perfectly. Frozen Fear is another song that stirs me deeply.

There are many bluegrass songs that seem to be about BPD women. It is a genre that I love an mostly because I can relate to all the heartache contained in so many of the songs.

[Iforget]

I'm also an artist, ... . anyone else see a trend here?  I can no longer paint.  I'm still in my relationship, but ever since he 'changed' I haven't been able to paint.  I lost my center, my calm.  I am working in another medium now, clay.  I really enjoy it.  I just don't do it at home.  Part of my stbexbdh is he hates to see me doing anything I enjoy, or happy.

[danley]

My ex and I started out talking about music when we first met. So Yes, music is hard for me to listen to. We'd go to concerts, watch music specials and games on TV, share music, make CDs of songs that reminded us of eachother, and play music trivia. My ex is a music historian and knows just about every song and group from every era. Only recently have I been able to turn my radio on while I drive. It really sucked because I love music too. So I guess it's a good sign that I'm able to listen again. But don't get me wrong, certain songs do invoke feelings of my ex when I hear them being played.

[GreenMango]

I refuse to let one person ruin one of the most beautiful things humans create. That's a line I've drawn I love music and the only thing taking that away is deafness.



Ps the English beat 

[ComoLu]

I was on my 1st date.  We went to see "Fast and Furious 6."  There was a scene with a car chase through London.  I had been in that exact spot w/my uxBPDh.  I was glad it was dark.  My heart stopped for a second, and I shed a few tears, but then I took a deep breath, and I was fine again.  The music is the same.  I haven't avoided the songs.  They have marked my passage into my new BPD free life.  The ones that used to make me cry no longer do, but I do recognize BPD in so many songs... . too many to mention.  Maybe the songwriters have BPD ex's too.  Maybe BPD and other similar maladies create the passion that produces such rich, emotional music in all genres.

[stop2think]

Hi all,

Oh yes! Music was always a source of power to me, it defined my mood for the day or moment - Not one day went by when i did not listen to music. I am an avid music and movie lover.

After he broke up with me - it was so painful to listen to any songs or watch movies or sports. Everything reminded me of him. We always played music or movies or watched sports together whenever we were with eachother. Those times were amazing - but i was scared if he would get angry if i said NO to anything he liked (sports escpcly). Any song i listen to takes me back to the day i heard them when i was in the r/s with him. When i listen to party songs or stumble upon some song he likes i imagine him enjoying these songs, movies and sports with his wife now... . as she shares similar interests as him.


This is one big difference between me and my exbf - we liked different genre of music and movies. Due to which he would pick fights sometimes as he thought i would always play songs i liked, and he 'hated' it. Moreover our native tongues were different but never had a problem as we spoke other languages common to us (english mostly)- never really mattered before until the day he broke up with me when he mentioned (one of the things) that we do not speak the same language, and that it pissed him off that he had to listen to music he 'hates' and could not watch movies that were in his native language. He said he had to always compromise to what i like? He never complained about this EVER before. And i never stopped him from playing the music or movies he liked EVER.

His wife is from his culture, speaks his tongue and shares same likes and interests... . My stomach hurts just thinking the great times they are and would have together... . which i could not :'(

[Ittookthislong]

wow this is interesting seeing how many people have similar issues. did anyone see the great Gatsby... . I think I didn't get it when I read it in school. understood with my head but not my heart. I went and saw it in the theatre alone and I think I let go of so much pain from this experience I had held in. then iwent home and slept like a baby. great movie

[Ittookthislong]

PS- my ex and I used to slow dance to oldies when we were at home, there was a record player... . just being dorks, but that was his charming moments. but now oldies are excrutiating. And I never realized how many businesses put oldies on, its like everywhere you go. One time in the craft store 'you really got a hold on me' and I just put everything I was carrying down and walked out

[VeryFree]

I know the feeling.

I think music is a good way to free emotions.

During normal days I don't show to much emotions, but playing music can trigger a lot of feelings. We do need to give room to them to find closure.

Interesting how with time, other music will trigger emotions.

Just after break-up I was triggered by 'Jeremy' from Pearl Jam. Especially the lines ':)addy didn't give attention, to the fact that mommy didn't care' and ':)addy didn't give affection, and the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear' gave me heavy feelings: as far as I know these were the reasons my stbxw has developed her illnesses. Knowing this, I couldn't understand why her dad is her hero and I'm the villain.

After reading about BPD I understand... .    

Right now my emotions are triggered more by music about feelings.

[Sharkey167]

Mainstreet by Bob Segar

Any song written by Sting

Blue October

Crawling by Linkin Park

I wish It would rain down - Phil collins

Crash by Dave Matthews Band was our song. I can play it on guitar but I have a hard time hearing it.

We first bonded over our love of Pink Floyd. It's like static to me now. Oddly enough she feels the same way.

It's twisted how songs and entire genres or bands can be ruined by someone else.

[causticdork]

There are definitely songs that are triggers, but I made myself a playlist of songs that made me think about her in a "glad she's gone" sort of way.  "Lie to Me" by Sara Bareilles was on repeat there, along with "Carrion" by Fiona Apple and a bunch of others.  Reel Big Fish (if you're into ska) are the best break-up music ever.  It's peppy and upbeat, but angry and bitter at the same time.  When I'm feeling really miserable, it helps to turn that up.  I just didn't shuffle my iTunes for a while after we broke up because there was too much chance of a trigger song setting me off. 

And just chiming in on the art thing, I'm a painter and my ex just didn't like art.  It wasn't just my art she didn't like, but she was pretty obvious about not giving a crap about anything I created either.  As a result I got really demotivated and didn't paint the entire time we were together.  After we broke up I started painting like a madwoman and haven't slowed down since.  It's been highly cathartic and a huge part of why I'm not more of a wreck. 

[morningagain]

I refuse to let one person ruin one of the most beautiful things humans create. That's a line I've drawn I love music and the only thing taking that away is deafness.

Yeah - I love your approach, GreenMango.  I have been making some small gains with that type of approach: "I will not let anything in my past, present or future get in between me and my recovery".  Oy vey, I still take two, three, four steps backwards at a time.  But all in all, a little progress.  I have not given much thought to music, or certain movies, or a few TV shows we watched together, but those are all huge triggers for me and I feel absolutely morbid - especially the hundreds and hundreds of songs we used to listen to together, so much so that entire genres of music (like all country music, for example) sends me reeling.  Romantic scenes in any movie.  So I have been avoiding music and movies.  I have tried listening to music we did not listen to together and at times that has gone OK for me.  And I do not want to avoid any music, but I wonder if I will ever overcome any of this.  Seeing a happy couple sinks me into self pity, depression, despair.  It is pathetic and aggravating and maddening.  The good Lord help me if I ever smell her lotion or perfume again.  By the way, she encounters these same struggles.  I think it is a part of the human condition and the deeper the feelings and the trauma, the deeper this particular hurt, generally speaking.  What sucks so bad is that any pleasant memory triggered is simply painful because a pleasant memory brings along with it a gazzillion other deeply painful vibrant remembrances.

I am going to try associating those memories with new, joyful times - as the opportunity arises.  Encountering the music, etc., while alone is rather perilous... .