He came to the house today

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been divorced for many years and am in no contact from my ex. Today he showed up, unannounced and unexpected. I have not been in contact with him and avoid him at all costs as he is abusive. I did not open the door for him, my son did.

My son was perplexed his dad showed up and told him since they did not have prior arranged plans, he needed to leave. My grandchildren were visiting with me... . and were excited to see the ex.

I am so angry he did this.

I did not talk to him.

Just had to vent this and get it out... .

C

[C12P21]

I have been divorced for many years and am in no contact from my ex. Today he showed up, unannounced and unexpected. I have not been in contact with him and avoid him at all costs as he is abusive. I did not open the door for him, my son did.

My son was perplexed his dad showed up and told him since they did not have prior arranged plans, he needed to leave. My grandchildren were visiting with me... . and were excited to see the ex.

I am so angry he did this.

I did not talk to him.

Just had to vent this and get it out... .

C

[Matt]

How old is your son?

Is there anything established legally?

During our divorce, my then-wife came to my house, and my stepson (her biological son) was there alone - he lived with me and I was traveling.  She told him she needed to get my younger son's homework - not true - if he needed his homework he would have walked the two blocks between our homes and gotten it.

My stepson knew she was lying but was intimidated, so he let her in, and she went from room to room, looking for papers that would help her in the divorce.

My lawyer told me to write her an e-mail, and copy him:  ":)o not come into my home when I am not there, or without my permission."  Then if she did it again, it would be easy to get a court order - in my state it's called an "order of protection" but in some other places it's a "restraining order".

Might be worth finding out how that works where you live.  You don't have to accuse him of anything, just say it's your home and you don't want him there.

[C12P21]

Thank you for your advise.

I had an order of protection and it was lifted a few years back. He has threatened to leave the state and not pay child support if I get another restraining order against him.

His intimidation worked, I didn't renew the restraining order.

Last night I could hardly sleep I was so upset and angry. I've decided it is best to renew the order and face the financial outcomes if he follows through on his threat.

My son is 17 and he figured out what his father was up too and told me next time he would not open the door.

C

[Matt]

Thank you for your advise.

I had an order of protection and it was lifted a few years back. He has threatened to leave the state and not pay child support if I get another restraining order against him.

His intimidation worked, I didn't renew the restraining order.

Last night I could hardly sleep I was so upset and angry. I've decided it is best to renew the order and face the financial outcomes if he follows through on his threat.

My son is 17 and he figured out what his father was up too and told me next time he would not open the door.

C

I think you might be able to include that threat, not to pay child support, in the information you provide to the court when you file for the order of protection.

You might also want to contact the state agency that enforces child support and ask how it would work if he leaves the state.  I'm not sure but I believe the states work together so child support can still be enforced even if he goes to another state.

[Deb]

The states will track him down and take child support out of his paycheck. He only thinks leaving will cancel it.

[Matt]

The states will track him down and take child support out of his paycheck. He only thinks leaving will cancel it.

So maybe you can just call his bluff.

[C12P21]

I will check into all that you have suggested. Thank you for the excellent advice.

C