DeRetour
 Offline
Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Recently broke up from relationship
Posts: 197
|
 |
« Reply #32 on: July 30, 2013, 04:42:23 PM » |
|
Hey Reg,
Your subject line spoke to me immediately. I feel for you on this one. On the one hand, it's just FB, and like other social media, it can serve as an outlet for posting thoughts and ideas. Just the same, there's always that ambiguity of the intent of the posted content.
I'm one week out of a relationship. I'll post on that perhaps later today. But yes, I'm familiar with this behavior. My uBPD ex-GF was, is, active on Tumblr and Instagram. I've considered it, but I don't use Tumblr or Instagram. The thing that bothers me about this way of using social media is that someone can post (or re-post) something, provoke some responses, and step away and decide they were just "posting some thoughts... . after all you shouldn't take the Internet seriously."
The quotes you mentioned, I'm familiar with these kinds of quotes. I think it depends on who's posting them, of course. But from what you're describing, it sounds like she might be using them manipulatively. I'm certainly familiar with the use of quotes like this. Here are some of my ex's social media behaviors:
Instagram: She loves good food. This is something we shared. Almost every day, she'll post a photo of her meal. If she went out with her girl friends or sister, she might also post a photo of them laughing/having a good time at the restaurant. Something that really bothered me for months - if I took her out to a nice dinner, or we made something together, she'd take a photo, post it, and never include a shot of me. In the caption, it would read as though she had the dinner, with all the important pronouns ("We" went to ... . etc.) left out of the caption.
Months of tiptoeing around the subject, her blowing up about it, blaming me for treating her badly, even a 3-week breakup, and she finally agreed to start including photos of us together. She'd demean me and tell me it was shallow, but she'd do it since it was important to me. Looking back, her argument never made sense. She claimed to be private, but she'd post this stuff everyday. She'd post photos of her girl friends, but with me, her excuse was that it's "personal" - besides everyone knows about us, c'mon, etc. And if we got into an argument, she'd post a photo of "a better day" (ie., a day trip we took together) and might include in her caption that her day was really ___ty. Then, she could go to work, get all the pity from her friends/coworkers and hear all about how I made her depressed.
Tumblr: Ah. ":)eleted", what you described sounds familiar to my ex's Tumblr behavior. My ex would often re-post explicit images. They weren't personal, but they would still be provocative. To this day, I still don't know what sort of creepers this attracted. She'd claim it was just re-posting and no thought was really put into it. Whatever. Other times, things would seem great between us, and then sometime later that same night when she's home (lived with her parents), I'd discover a quote with something along the lines - I loved you. I gave you everything. or No one could save her. or Maybe someday we'll meet, when both of us is better... . somewhere, years later at a coffee shop. etc.
I know, ":)on't take the Internet seriously." But coming from her, it really kept me on edge. Was she trying to appear as though she was in distress as a way of inviting some rescuer to comfort her? Was she just posting something that she liked?
So... . with all of that in mind, i think it just depends on the person posting these things. Has your Ex had a history of using these things manipulatively? Mine swears that I'm misconstruing everything, that I "never really knew [her]." Here's how I deal with it: I just don't look at her page. But just know you aren't alone in dealing with this. Okay, hope this helps!
|
