New chapter

[Depression = 72% of members]

My first post here was about my uexbf leaving me when I told him I was pregnant. He said some very nasty and hurtful things and there has been no contact since (I sent him two emails which he didn't reply to).

Well I had a baby boy two weeks ago and things are definitely looking up. Going through the break up and pregnancy alone was the most difficult time in my life, but I really feel things are only going to get better from here. I spent so much time consumed with anger towards my ex and whilst there is still hurt I can happily say that the anger is barely there anymore. I was devestated that someone that I trusted treated me that way but now I mostly feel sorry for him that he has BPD.

I spent so much of the pregnancy wanting him to contact me, to say anything, just for some closure. But from reading posts on this site I can see that he was never going to be the one to give me closure. Until I heard about BPD I spent a long time thinking it was me- thoughts like if only I had of been someone else (prettier/smarter/older etc) then he would have stayed. I can see that is rubbish now.

I change my mind daily about whether to contact my ex and/or claim child support. It scares me a little that there can be a genetic component to BPD and so for the moment my sole focus is on being as emotionally healthy as possible and looking after my son.

[understated]

My first post here was about my uexbf leaving me when I told him I was pregnant. He said some very nasty and hurtful things and there has been no contact since (I sent him two emails which he didn't reply to).

Well I had a baby boy two weeks ago and things are definitely looking up. Going through the break up and pregnancy alone was the most difficult time in my life, but I really feel things are only going to get better from here. I spent so much time consumed with anger towards my ex and whilst there is still hurt I can happily say that the anger is barely there anymore. I was devestated that someone that I trusted treated me that way but now I mostly feel sorry for him that he has BPD.

I spent so much of the pregnancy wanting him to contact me, to say anything, just for some closure. But from reading posts on this site I can see that he was never going to be the one to give me closure. Until I heard about BPD I spent a long time thinking it was me- thoughts like if only I had of been someone else (prettier/smarter/older etc) then he would have stayed. I can see that is rubbish now.

I change my mind daily about whether to contact my ex and/or claim child support. It scares me a little that there can be a genetic component to BPD and so for the moment my sole focus is on being as emotionally healthy as possible and looking after my son.

[cska]

Understated Hey 

Congratulations on your baby boy!

And also congratulations on not letting anger/hate take the best of you. In my experience these are very poisonous emotions that hinder the healing process. But what your ex did is horrible, and you deserve much much better than him.

I don't know anything about child support, I guess someone can give you some solid advice on that, I just wanted to congratulate you 

You're in a good place! 

[Surnia]

Hi understated,

congrats also from my side! For the baby boy and that you could handle the break up and the pregnancy. You must be a strong woman, baby boy made a good choice! 

I can understand that you have some worries about genetics, I want point out something you know probably: Its not only the genes which makes us what we are, the behaviour side is so important too!

The question about the child support is a very difficult one. Money is one thing, the other side is, what about him reaching out one day to his son in BPDs unstable manner... . this could be very difficult for you... . I am thinking loud here, I am not so firm in legal things, perhaps you can ask this on the legal board.

[understated]

Cska- Thank you very much  . The anger definitely wasn't helpful, that's for sure. I had complications throughout the pregnancy and would spend hospital visits being so angry that he could just walk away and paint me black for continuing the pregnancy. I realised though that holding on to so much hate wasn't beneficial. Whilst I don't think I'm all the way there, I feel it's much easier to accept things and not hold on to that anger.

Surnia- That's very kind of you, thank you!

I do know that it's not all about genetics and nurture has a lot to do with things, but I suppose it's always going to be something that is in the back of my mind.

Yes, the decision about child support is tricky. I have sought all the legal advice I can, now it's just up to me to decide what is best. Which is not easy!

[Surnia]

Hi understated

What are your options regarding the child support?

Perhaps you may tell us a bit more, lets see if others have some advice?

Yes, the decision about child support is tricky. I have sought all the legal advice I can, now it's just up to me to decide what is best. Which is not easy!

[understated]

I've got 10 weeks before I need to make a claim. Because I am still a student and receiving government assistance I am obligated to do so. However, I can ask for an exemption. If that is unsuccessful then my family is happy to support me until I commence full time employment. I'm not keen on that idea as it's not my family's responsibility, but the idea of not having to deal with my ex seems blissful. I know child support and visitation are different things, and my ex might just pay child support without wanting visitation, but there are so many what ifs. I suppose I wanted to give him time to see if he would contact me as well. Any advice would be greatly appreciated .

[papawapa]

Keep your son away from his father is my advice. He is not good parenting material.

[Surnia]

Sorry for the delay, understated

How is the rs with your parents? Seems to be good... . if it is so, I would consider to make exemption and not reach out for the money to your ex. Or in other words: Which is more stressful for you, receiving money from your parents or the possible outcome dealing with your ex about money?

If he is really interested one day in his son, okay. This door stays open... .

Hope this helps a little bit... .

[understated]

Thank you for your replies surnia and papawapa. My relationship with my parents and my extended family is good so I am fortunate. Accepting money from them would definitely be less stressful. I suppose it's just a matter of putting aside what I think is right for what is best at this point of time.