Boredom in the aftermath

[Ittookthislong]

Part of the reason i have trouble with rumination is that i dont even know what to do with myself after putting so much into something that just fell flat out of nowhere.

I must be a kind of drama junkie because everything feels like its in black and white(without color not good or bad) My relationship was a blast, so fun and exciting. I didnt have one of those BPD relationships with fights, it was all very nice until one day he just looked like a different person and dropped off the map.

I make myself work out everyday, but theres not any gusto behind it like before. I cant get myself to paint like i used to because nothing feels all that inspiring. Its been like this for awhile, and im happy that the agony i felt during the breakup is over, but now i dont feel a whole lot of life in me at all.

its not like the past where i dated a jerk and could at least get motivated by anger to go work out, and show him he didnt destroy me, that seems so innocent at this point. this guy seems like he just unplugged from me and plugged into someone else. he is so beyond done with me. theres no ambivalence. Im having trouble turning anger into motivation.

I know its not good that i feel like this and should focus on myself. I know theres a lot of promising options as far as improving myself but I dont feel the excitement I used to. Im not interested in dating at all so i dont have any desire to better myself and get out there and meet new people.

does anyone else feel a flatness to things now? I know I have to learn to love life without another person in it, but i might have been some sort of addict because life feels pretty bland- im not deeply depressed anymore, Im not interested in my ex anymore, but i feel like we switched places and now im the empty one.

How do you get hopeful and excited again?

[Clearmind]

Dating a Borderline is drama filled and I think you are onto something there, Ittookthislong. We do relish in the drama – getting outselves knee deep in drama is a mask to not deal with our issues.

When I separated from my ex I had to create a new normal – one vastly different from the turbulence.

Who are you now that you don’t have the drama to fill the gaps?

[Perfidy]

Recently I have learned a new thing. Boring is GOOD! Boring means no drama. Boring means no distraction from peace. Peace is a good thing. Enjoy it while you can.

[thisyoungdad]

Funny, just today I was thinking to myself that my life is so boring in comparison to hers. She is most likely dating already even though we aren't divorced yet. She is super busy making all kinds of new friends since her old ones aren't around anymore. She is just going, going & going which isn't really like her. I am having a quieter summer, spending a lot of time with a couple good friends who are divorced and or dealing with similar issues and have kids the same age. I am really enjoying the "bored" but I was wondering today if something was wrong with me because I have not rushed out and recreated a whole new life in a matter of months.

[Tessaking]

This is exactly how I feel! My life used to be busy and content when we were together. Now I just feel so bored, I want to get out there and do things but nothing seems to have the buzz it used to. I'm also finding that most of my fiends are in relationships so I spend a lot of time on my own, because of course they are wanting to spend the weekends with their other halves.

I go to the gym and have joined a few things but, it's fits and starts. And when those things are over I feel like I have an empty life. Which is so sad in contrast to my previous life which was full of fun and happiness. Plans, aspirations, future. Now ... . Nothing.

I am trying soo hard to get out there and change this. But it's just not as easy as everyone makes it sound.

Meanwhile my ex is out in bars making new friends and sucking in the next lot of victims ... . Who of course think he is just great! (Little do they know)

It frustrates me though that he is even out and about and having a good time ... . When I am finding it so hard. A girl can't just go and sit in a bar and make friends ... . But a guy can. It's all wrong.

[starshine]

Wow~ this is something I've been working on for quite a while, it feels like.  My ex dumped me 2 years ago- right out of the blue, and with never a conversation about breaking up.  It happened during what was an intense period for us- we had finished rehabbing a home about 6 months earlier, and I had temporarily rented an apartment to be closer to my children's school, and when we picked up the moving van he filled it with my stuff. BOOM!  He said horrible and mean awful things about me, critisized me ways he never had before and broke up with me- all in 1 day.  And 4 days later he was actively persuing his next relationship (of course with someone I had considered a friend)- which he told me about in a Facebook message.     

I loved the life we had, despite his craziness.  I spent years building community in the neighborhood I lived in for 14 years- and he came along, moved in with me while we rehabbed the house around the block.  And when he broke up with me, not only did I lose my relationship and my house, but I lost my sense of community. 

I go out an take at least 3 fitness classes a week.  I joined some clubs, I garden extensively.  I have thought about going out and meeting people, but there is no way I want to cross paths with either him or her (even though they are no longer together- true to form he dumped her on her 50th birthday).  I volunteer.  But nothing makes me feel fulfilled.  I realize after spending time with people that I feel like I have no real connections anymore.  And I don't really want to connect with anyone who breathes the same air as either of them- certainly hearing people excuse their very bad behaviors under the guise of "karma" makes me want to puke.  Like the saying goes: I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.

I have a difficult time moving on.  Everything I see reminds me of what I thought I had- how can my whole existence here have been a mirage?  And it's not like I want him back- I certainly never even chased him.  I was in such shock over what happened.  I wasn't going to beg for a repeat of that!  So, no closure.  And he's never come back to apologize, or sy that he made a mistake and wants me back.  No recycling, thank goodness, because earlier in the game I might have gone and made a really bad choice for myself- although I'd like to imagine that I really wouldn't have gone back.  Maybe I would have tried to find out why he did what he did.  That being said, I have never loved a man so intensely ever in my entire life.  The sex was the absolute best from the very first kiss that took my breath away. 

Soo bored all the time.  Have a hard time focusing.  Thank goodness for these boards. 

[dangoldfool]

starshine, thank you for telling us a part of your story. If we could only have a crystal ball, to gaze into to see how thing would work out before we dive in for a swim into the BPD pool. Peace to you.

[Ittookthislong]

starshine- that was like reading my own thoughts... . this part struck me:

" certainly hearing people excuse their very bad behaviors under the guise of "karma" makes me want to puke.  Like the saying goes: I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me."

I understand. i feel bad everytime someone tells me to "let go" i know they say it for my mental health but im having difficulty with the fact that there isnt much justice... . i feel as though now i have this mopey attitude, im not as much fun as i used to be and now because i roll my eyes at these pretty universal ideas of forgiveness, moving on, karma, etc. i feel that i have a bad attitude and he is right to have kicked me to the curb. i constantly have to read other peoples posts to get my head straight.

believe me, its good that you didnt beg or react. I did, i acted like a crazy woman-mostly because our relationship was one where i gave entirely too much and he waited till everything(and every penny) was gone to dump me. you know how they say a man should call after spending the night with a woman... . silly me i think he should call after spending a year with her, but to him i lived too much in the past.

i dont want him anymore either but i dont like the unresoplved feeling- wehich it sounds like your struggling with... . i did contact him recently after a year no contact. i think i softened up and figured he would have thought it over and realized he hadnt treated me right. he did say sorry, but nowhere near worthy of the cruel things he had done, which triggered anger in me(that i not only carried the bulk of the relationship on my shoulders, but the past year had been ruminating and blaming myself while he had forgotten everything)

stick to steering clear- contact doesnt help. There is something so crazy about this person, so different than the way i think that he makes me question my sanity. I cant imagine in a million years doing the things he did, and having the guts to speak condescendingly as though i have issues. its maddening... . so id suggerst you didnt put yourself through it.

[peas]

I spent years building community in the neighborhood I lived in for 14 years- and he came along, moved in with me while we rehabbed the house around the block.  And when he broke up with me, not only did I lose my relationship and my house, but I lost my sense of community.

I don't understand how the breakup chased you out of the community that you built for yourself. There's room enough for two there. If that community is where you want to be, don't let him scare you away.

I had to leave my community, where I met my ex-uBPDbf, because of a job, but I'm trying to get back as soon as I can because I miss it. I don't care if I end up living next to door to my ex. Tough ___ for him. Only my job dictates where I live today.

[Ittookthislong]

oh I COMPLETELY understand that. ideally, yes your community built while with them is yours as well but I have isolated myself from mutual friends for a few resons. Number one, the shock and pain of the relationship has me avoiding anything that reminds me of him. mutual stomping grounds I avoid like the plague. I would have moved far far away if the guy didn't suck up all my rescources before leaving. Also I know that my ex is so sweet, humble, lovable to the outside world, hes got a lot of people who cant imagine him doing anything wrong, on the flipside, my reaction to his betrayal was anger, confusion, frustration, its impossible not to try to understand by asking mutual friends questions, and I don't want to get into that. I also know how it plays out that I will look like the crazy ibsessed ex and that's more salt in the wound.

Theres music I cant listen to, If I smell certain things I think of him, feel sick and my heart sinks and sucks out all my enjoyment from life.

The boredom maybe seems like the in between time between having to abandon all my old habits, things I used to like that just remind me of him and are now painful, etc. and finding new pleasures of life that have nothing to do with him that help me move on. Im in that middle ground .

It sucks. however I understand why she cant enjoy her community. but I also wrote this a little while back and I must say I am starting to feel consistently (albeit slowly) improved and happy.

[ucmeicu2]

Theres music I cant listen to, If I smell certain things I think of him, feel sick and my heart sinks and sucks out all my enjoyment from life.

wow, you know i'm in the same place... . either bored silly or sad... .     well on the bright side at least i'm not angry very often anymore!  that's one stage of grief i've mostly worked through.

it might be helpful to share something my T talked to me about.  she said i need to face the fact that nothing and no one will probably ever compare to my xBPDgf in terms of intensity: how much i loved her and how many of my needs she met (on all levels).  and that i will need to find smaller-ish enjoyment from multiple things to try to cumulatively get the same bang for my buck.  i guess that's just my reality.

icu2

[Take2]

Theres music I cant listen to, If I smell certain things I think of him, feel sick and my heart sinks and sucks out all my enjoyment from life.

I so relate to this right now... .

[peas]

On the music you can't listen to and sites you can't visit, I totally get it. I'm two months broken up with the uBPDbf and I have avoided places in my city where he and I hung out together. I also change the radio station when music by his favorite bands is played.

By the way, I did the same thing after a bad b/u with a non-BPD person years ago. I avoided the grocery store he and I shopped at together, the dry cleaners he went to, I refused to listen to his favorite band, I hid from mutual friends for a year... .

The good thing is those feelings eventually subsided, so I am pretty sure the same feelings with the recent BPD breakup will subside too.

[Emelie Emelie]

I'm beginning to realize I got sucked into to all the drama and intensity.  It felt so passionate and alive.  There is something intoxicating about it.  And yes... . I feel bored and unmotivated too.  But it' exhausting. 

[starshine]

oh I COMPLETELY understand that. ideally, yes your community built while with them is yours as well but I have isolated myself from mutual friends for a few resons. Number one, the shock and pain of the relationship has me avoiding anything that reminds me of him. mutual stomping grounds I avoid like the plague. I would have moved far far away if the guy didn't suck up all my rescources before leaving.

You nailed it Ittookthislong!

And none of my neighbors returned my calls, when I left them a message saying I'd like to keep in touch with my new number.  I was active volunteering with the neighborhood association and he is on the board still.  I guess I wasn't as valued by my community, or my boyfriend, as I thought I was.  They still have to figure out how to work with a person with an undiagnosed and untreated personality disorder.  I don't. Good to know I won't be super missed when I move.   

[Suzn]

Boredom is somewhat like withdrawls. It's a phase and it will pass. Boredom is also a sign you are vulnerable right now. I remember telling my T I was bored, I was on biweekly visits with her. She told me "oh I will see you next week, let's get you past that stage."   

It's a good time to get to know you. What are the things you like to do? Who are you?

[Ittookthislong]

it beats the heart oangs and anger. but your right. one thing i realized in my boredom is that i sppent a lot of time doing things that i was good at because others believed that I was supposed to. but i dont even love doing these things much at all. i dont like art. Or at least im not thrilled with the things I have been painting- which are mostly pop culture, visually stimulating subjects. seems pointless after all this. and im an artist. i also relate to people with humor because it makes others feel good and i make friends that way, but im actually a really introspective person who thinks extremely in depth about everything. I realize now I surround myself with people who prefer to keep things light, since they respond to the humor but I always find myself with people who dont want to look at things that lye under the surface so I get ditched. I have a real hunger and curiousity to know things and Im not making an effort to be around others like me, and the people who are drawn to me are repelled by that aspect. Sorry if this sounds self involved but its a realization thru boredom. I think I actually need to join a book club or something to satiate my need to discover, read between the lines, understand themes and what lies beneath so to speak, and be around others who dont discourage this. thats what i learned with boredom lately

[Suzn]

I have a real hunger and curiousity to know things and Im not making an effort to be around others like me, and the people who are drawn to me are repelled by that aspect. Sorry if this sounds self involved but its a realization thru boredom. I think I actually need to join a book club or something to satiate my need to discover, read between the lines, understand themes and what lies beneath so to speak, and be around others who dont discourage this. thats what i learned with boredom lately

I can so relate to this. I hadn't read in years and since this journey began I can't get enough. A trip to the bookstore is one of my favorite things to do. A book club is a great idea. Discovering yourself has to be self involved, nothing wrong with that. Introspection is a beautiful thing.

[charred]

Boredom and apathy... . same here.

Found myself watching Sharknado tonight.  

So... why is it boring after the BPD r/s?

Were we exciting before the r/s? I wasn't.

In fact... to be truthful... years ago I was an adrenalin junkie... but over time, less and less so. Seems like my always there bit of anxiety... slowly won out over going for excitement.

Was married, had a kid, and eventually put everyone and everything ahead of myself. My exBPDgf came back in to my life ... . giant mistake... but exciting... adrenaline overload... . about 4 yrs total time of nerves on edge. Took trips, romantic adventures... and went through a divorce and what seemed like hell. Kept trying to make the BPD r/s work... finally gave up, threw in the towel and went NC. Was on edge for months... saw a T, embraced mindfulness, and found a calm that was quite foreign to me. Was nice at first, but its been calm for many months now and is kind of boring.

I think I understand the difference between the technicolor BPD r/s and the dull black/white afterwards.

Over time... I became less and less connected with people. It started as a young kid... but I didn't know that was what was going on. Not securely attached and when things didn't go well, would disconnect from feelings/disassociate from emotions. In grade school and middle school... . so many kids I always just fell in with some. Less so in HS, and by college I was goal/task oriented and didn't really connect with people. Then I met my pwBPD... and she ignored boundaries and social cues and I was very connected to her... . it was like technicolor... . she dumped me without an explanation one day... and it was horrible, she showed up hanging on a neighbor... I couldn't take it... packed up and moved to the coast. So was thrown in to a bit of an adventure.

Disconnecting from feelings is a way of coping with hurt, so is avoiding getting attached/connected to people. Our BPD partners... unlike most people will come after us, ignore the wall we put up and then stroke our ego like crazy... . and we eat it up. We are so starved for that close connection and seeming unconditional love we put the pwBPD on a pedestal... deny   , submit to drama we normally never would... . put up with abuse even... because we feel alive... connected to our feelings. They bring out all kinds of feelings... high drama.

How is it possible? I think we have dulled/muted emotions going in to the r/s, and the r/s brings out all those things we have tried to disconnect from. Chances are we are not processing them well... but we feel and just like a little kid, our pwBPD sort of force you to be present and feeling things.

We should be present and feeling things all the time... . and I think mindfulness is a great start (being present... in the current experience, not ruminating or worrying about anything but the present)... but the other parts of what is needed is connecting to people and taking an active part in life... . living, not worrying, or disconnecting from life.

I have been working on connecting... its possible... helps... still have a long way to go. I am noticing myself fighting fun/excitement... and doing best I can to process emotions instead of avoiding them. Would have sworn my trouble started with my pwBPD... . but it goes way back to FOO. Freud was right.

[peas]

I think I understand the difference between the technicolor BPD r/s and the dull black/white afterwards.

I think any bad breakup or loss brings on the dull black/white feelings -- that's plain ol' depression. I had this problem after a b/u with a non-BPD person two years ago. Everything around me was shades of grey. Drab. There is science to back this up.

Regarding the boredom after a BPD b/u, I don't think I'm bored per se because I happen to have an exciting job on a big project. In fact, I wish my job was slower paced because the work is distracting me from healing. I have noticed a direct correlation between job stress and anxiety about the BPD b/u. When my job is difficult, I think more about my BPD ex and the failed r/s and I feel worse.

I'm lonely, uncertain and very unhappy, but not bored; just severely depressed. Socializing irritates me at the moment. I have no desire to do anything for myself. From managing the BPD r/s for months then the BPD b/u with NC all while having an intense job, it's too much. I am exhausted mentally and physically to the point where I want to just walk away from everything.

[Ittookthislong]

thats true charred. I didnt feel great before the relationship either. I kinda had a bad breakup with a guy who just took off after zero fighting and was hurt by that. then my younger man BPD comes in, was a great listener, made me feel great. I also noticed he had a few impulsive rage attacks out of nowhere but sad thing is, this doesnt hurt me. it doesnt feel like abuse. In fact my mom was like that growing up and it was kind of my role to calm her down make her laugh, clear away the bumps in the road. In fact when i was with BPDx I felt right where i was supposed to be. I took care of all the things he couldnt, i made sure he wasnt angry before he would have possibly gotten angry. Its like I was super- codependant woman, the action figure. I was flawless at it.

i didnt notice till afterwards how much i actually needed him to feel like that, i had NO clue. i didnt even know certain things were considerred abusive. its funny, of all that time as long as i was taking care of everything for both him and i, everything got done effortlessly, everything was clean, i was always on time, my world felt calm and in control. but when he devalued and dumped me i fell apart. my apartment was a mess. my car was literred with trash and i couldnt care less. I actually probably needed him more than he needed me. i was good at needinghim, now im not sure what im good at

[charred]

I stopped short of calling it depression... . as depression is the feeling that something is pressing you down and you can't do anything about it. I feel like a weight was lifted from me... but the symptoms of depression are still there. My own take on why the BPD r/s hurts so much is that the r/s is a primary one (like with a parent)... and that is why you take so much crap from them (abuse even)... and then feel destroyed when it ends. Losing a parent is horrible/depressing and not something you just bounce back from. I wouldn't have concluded it was like that... . but it seemed like that... and I was dumped and had over 25 yrs pass before getting recycled... . and 100% of everything was still there... made no sense, dated lot of other women and was dumped by many ... . but only one devastated me and still had those feelings so much later. Since all my emotions seemed dormant until I got back with her... found myself questioning everything including most the explanations I had heard ... none explained the intensity of the hurt when the BPD person left... . but attachment theory does. Seems like unconditional love when you are being idealized/love bombed... the sex kicks it up a bit... next thing you know you think they are your soul mate... but it appears to be transference... the parent you never had (subconsciously I guess)... then they turn hateful and we just take it... . not only take it, but take it to heart, and defend THEM against all the reality that doesn't match what they say. Lived it, made no sense... . but that did explain to me why it was so intense. However... doesn't explain boredom... . except that I think the excitement was emotions being experienced again instead of avoided... . that part I am pretty sure of. Seems like boredom... but probably some depression in there as well. I have a lot lost from this... . a marriage, my excuse/dream girl... . always thought my life would be different if I had her... . thank god I don't anymore!

"Boredom in aftermath"... sounds nicer than "depression in aftermath"... being honest with ourselves... . it may be depression. It still is like losing a parent... though in my case a crazed, hateful, really toxic one... wish it had worked... but understanding it... could not have ever worked any different than it did.  

[Clearmind]

Depression is certainly part of the grieving cycle

PERSPECTIVES: The Five Stages of Grieving a Relationship Loss

[Ironmanrises]

Ittookthislong,

The addiction to the drama... . I can understand that.

The boredom in the aftermath... . The flatness... . I can relate. Mostly with the flatness.

But then i remember the spiral downwards when the devaluation was triggered.

I picture a lone navy ship... . Me.

Incoming missile... . Origin... . ExUPDgf.

Why is she firing on me?

Why has she targeted me? I am her love.

CIWS(Close in Weapon System) gun activated as last ditch defense against inbound missiles.

Missile intercepted and destroyed.

Question, why has she targeted me, i am her ally, her lover.

Answer... . She has a mental illness.

More inbound missiles detected.

Origin... . ExUBPDgf... .

CIWS activated again, missiles destroyed.

What is happening?

Further missiles inbound. Now from multiple angles.

Origin... . exUBPDgf.

CIWS all activated. Energy draining as in continuous use.

More and more missiles fired. Faster velocity ones.

Ammo running low in CIWS.

Was not designed for constant firing.

One missile explodes close to ship... .

More inbound.

CIWS becoming ineffective.

A missile makes it through.

Boom.

Why is she attacking me?

More missiles. Help.

No one hears me scream.

More and more missiles.

Ammo runs out in CIWS.

Multiple strikes.


A crazy visual. I know.

I cannot go another round of that.

That is what we will endure in these kind of relationships.

Boredom in the aftermath doesnt sound as bad.

[Violista]

My boyfriend DID treat me badly, and DID cause a lot of drama and fighting... . yet I do feel like my life without him is now kinda boring. I'm getting past the stage where I just felt totally bland and empty all the time, but still things are a bit less interesting without him.

I have friends and am invited out a lot, I have family visiting from overseas, so I do have a lot of things to do that are fun to an extent, but I miss the fulfillment I felt when I would go to see him, life is less deep and meaningful without him, I find myself wishing he was there with me when I do various daily activities with friends.

[peas]

I miss the fulfillment I felt when I would go to see him, life is less deep and meaningful without him, I find myself wishing he was there with me when I do various daily activities with friends.

That's one of the hardest things, missing him doing daily activities with me. Whether it's going to the grocery store with me or attending a public function, there's an empty spot without him. That's mainly why I avoid doing anything outside of work. I miss him so much and doing things without him just magnifies that.

[Hazelrah]

I miss the fulfillment I felt when I would go to see him, life is less deep and meaningful without him, I find myself wishing he was there with me when I do various daily activities with friends.

That's one of the hardest things, missing him doing daily activities with me. Whether it's going to the grocery store with me or attending a public function, there's an empty spot without him. That's mainly why I avoid doing anything outside of work. I miss him so much and doing things without him just magnifies that.

I know exactly what you mean--I really miss having my W along for trips to the store, fishing in a nearby river, or simply getting in the car and driving.  Even just having her home, sitting on the couch and talking, laughing, or just vegging out in front of the TV after work... . I miss it all. 

I really was comfortable as a single guy before this relationship and marriage... . I enjoyed the peace a quiet home provided.  But now, the loneliness of an empty house often feels like a giant weight I can't push off of my chest.  I know it will subside--it has to--it's just getting to that point which is proving to be so hard.   

[Learning_curve74]

If boredom is missing that feeling of somebody stabbing me in the heart and in my back, then I'm quite happy to be "bored". 

To be totally honest here, I was never bored before and I'm not bored after. I think there is a difference between missing my BPDex and the things we did together and being bored. Granted I miss the things we did as a couple, but that comes with the territory.

I also think lack of energy and interest in things can be signs of being depressed. That's not the same as being bored.

[Ittookthislong]

to be more specific- i think what i meant by boredom in the aftermath is probably depresion, but not cry my eyes out depression. more like a loss of hope. that i used to have a romantic side that excited me and drove me. but now i experienced the romance i wanted, but it was fake. so it leaves me not wanting for something more but not wanting for the ex either.

i feel like part of my vulnerability was this romantic side, because it gave a person entry, by acting like what i craved, so now any HOPE for that feels like im doing something unhealthy.

i give up alot of things i used to enjoy that remind me of the ex- basically everything because i thought he was just like me. but also, i give up the hope in finding a dreamy dreamboat one day, because that made me vulnerable to be swept off my feet by a con artist. whats left is a sort of deadness. it isnt sad, or heartbreaking anymore, so its hard to call it depression, it really just feels like boredom... .life without the liveliness

[Ittookthislong]

its a bad situation because i was a dummy and i gave everything to this person. so now i have to strat over from the bottom again. working. saving... .and all the while i have lost the ability to daydream, i feel like my daydreams that motivated me in the past are what got me into this situation.

so im learning how to go through the day to day, working, without much of a social life, feeling alone, but i cant seem to let myself daydream or motivate myself by dreaming of a happy future. im living every day extremely practically and im not sad. just feels boring

[Emelie Emelie]

I've been seeing a new guy.  He's really smart and nice and handsome and, well, boring.  I'm trying to remind myself that all that heat and passion and intensity wasn't really healthy.  I want to give this a chance.  I don't want to let this crap screw up any future relationships! 

[peas]

Right on, Emelie.

One time when I was upset with my BPD guy when he was guilt tripping me about our long-distance r/s, I said if he wants me to let him go to find someone local, then I will let him go. He said he didn't want that. Then I said to him, "If you have the capacity to love me, you have the capacity to love someone else." Meaning, he'll find love again locally if I can't give it to him.

Now that he and I are broken up, I remind myself of my own words- -- if I had the capacity to love him, I have the capacity to love someone else.

I am starting to look at other guys now. I'm not ready to get "enmeshed" again anytime soon, but there is a man who works in my building and out of nowhere I have found myself attracted to him. It's kind of fun when that feeling comes back to you, that feeling of seeing someone and being interested. I have seen this person every week for months never thinking twice about him, but the other day we struck up small talk outside since we always see each other around the building, and now I look at him differently. He's cute.

You may feel like you lost that feeling when you lose the BPD person, but you don't lose it.

[lisasport]

I'm going threw the exact same feelings. I had to go on zoloft to recover. Empty

[Violista]

I dated another guy after breaking up with BPD ex, and absolutely adored him, but compared to BPD ex something about the whole thing seemed bland and seemed to lack the kind of passion that BPD ex had about him.

I got back with BPDex eventually, and all the warmth and fulfillment that i'd been missing without him came back... . and so did the fighting, stress, tantrums and shock at the things he is capable of. Sigh. Now we ended it again and part of me wants to stay the hell away, and part of me feels like nobody is as interesting and fulfilling as him, and misses him. But my feelings for him don't have quite the same intensity anymore.