It has been a while

[Mara2]

Hello everyone!  It has been a couple months since I have been able to check in.  Today my H is gone for the day and I have some personal time, so I thought I'd drop in and say hello.

Since my H came back last May (after a very bad depression on his part) he has been doing rather well.  He is asking questions instead of assuming things, which is a great step forward.  I have gotten to the point where I tell him what I want whether it offends him or not.  I just don't care if he goes into a rage anymore- I have a plan to leave and I will.  So there!

My biggest hurdle is learning to appreciate him again.  I lost all respect for him and I have none left.  I also have a hard time trusting.  He is trying hard and staying with counseling, but I am afraid we will be headed around the old mountain again.  I guess time will tell, so I am sort of in wait and see mode. 

I started going to school online this summer and by fall I will be certified to tutor dyslexic students.  I am really looking forward to working with kids and adults.  I love my schooling and I'm doing very well at it. 

I am not able to be online as much with H at home, so it is hard for me to check in.  Most of my online time right now is used for school.  But I have not forgetten my friends here. 

[Phoenix.Rising]

Mara2,  Thanks for checking in, and I'm glad you are enjoying school.  That has been a positive outlet for me in the past.  It sounds like you have better boundaries and are taking better care of You.  I also like that you said you have a plan to execute if need be.

So much of this is learning how to care for ourselves, is it not?  Take care.

[Mara2]

Thanks,

Yes, it is about learning to take care of ourselves.  Also learning that I can't fix someone else by my behavior.  No matter what I do their issues are their own.  Very liberating, but still something I have to think through instead of being automatic.  Perhaps it always will be. 

[Phoenix.Rising]

It's not automatic for me, either.  We are not supposed to do this perfectly.  Progress...