Detaching and the challenges of Facebook

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I completely agree that social media is a prickly bush to navigate after the fall-out of these relationships.  So many members here have agonized over things they've seen on their partners' FB pages, etc.  They are hit over the head with either the real or faux happiness their partner is professing to experience, or they are painstakingly trying to dissect the simplest of messages, posts, etc. 

Perhaps some folks can use this as fuel to further their detachment, but I found that I needed to avoid it at all costs.  I removed the W from my FB friend's list immediately upon our separation.  I did have to deal with friends asking me about odd things they were seeing pop up on her page, but that eventually dissipated and I was able to get out of the social media loop altogether.  The less I know about what she's up to (especially any proffessions of new-found joy), the better.  Maybe that'll change some time down the road, but I kind of doubt it.

[Hazelrah]

I completely agree that social media is a prickly bush to navigate after the fall-out of these relationships.  So many members here have agonized over things they've seen on their partners' FB pages, etc.  They are hit over the head with either the real or faux happiness their partner is professing to experience, or they are painstakingly trying to dissect the simplest of messages, posts, etc. 

Perhaps some folks can use this as fuel to further their detachment, but I found that I needed to avoid it at all costs.  I removed the W from my FB friend's list immediately upon our separation.  I did have to deal with friends asking me about odd things they were seeing pop up on her page, but that eventually dissipated and I was able to get out of the social media loop altogether.  The less I know about what she's up to (especially any proffessions of new-found joy), the better.  Maybe that'll change some time down the road, but I kind of doubt it.

[Want2know]

I have to say that after my ex unblocked me recently, I went to his facebook page to see what he was posting.  He was a big fan of Edward Abbey, and posts stuff like this (which is very telling):  "The difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your mirror with a white linen sheet. The difference between my sins and your sins is that when I sin I know I'm sinning while you have actually fallen prey to your own fabricated illusions." 

It solidifies his persona in my mind, and makes me thankful that I am no longer with him.  He is a very sad man, who has potential, but as with most of our pwBPD/NPD cannot get to that place where they long to be healthy and do something about it.

So for me, now, although there is some emotion in seeing his response today and what he's posted recently, it's more me feeling sorry for the state he's in, and a bit of a reminder that he holds no 'power' over me.

[TheDude]

I know most people probably wouldn't consider it a viable option, but there is a 'deactivate' option. That's exactly what I did after break up #3 (I think... .I've sort of lost count) some 3 years ago, and never looked back. To me, it just all seems very dysfunctional, manipulative, and even fake (not to mention relinquishing privacy for the sake of Facebook's primary function, which is marketing).

If I'm not together with someone, I have no desire to know what they're doing, nor do they have any right to know what I'm up to (even by proxy). Attachment in any form isn't detachment... .

[Ironmanrises]

I know most people probably wouldn't consider it a viable option, but there is a 'deactivate' option. That's exactly what I did after break up #3 (I think... .I've sort of lost count) some 3 years ago, and never looked back. To me, it just all seems very dysfunctional, manipulative, and even fake (not to mention relinquishing privacy for the sake of Facebook's primary function, which is marketing).

If I'm not together with someone, I have no desire to know what they're doing, nor do they have any right to know what I'm up to (even by proxy). Attachment in any form isn't detachment... .

That.

In bold.

That was mistake number 1 when she left me first time.

I didnt keep my facebook and instagram permanently closed.

After she left me again second time... .

I rectified that mistake.

Both portals sealed.

A sacrifice?

Absolutely.

But look at the carnage that follows if you dont do that.

Do not be surprised if they stalk you in the interim.

Mine did.