That Incredible Sense of Entitlement

[Aussie0zborn]

My recently ex uBPDw has an incredible sense of entitlement.  In relation to material things her attitude is :

"what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine, what's ours is mine"

Where the heck do they get this from?

[Cmjo]

Mine too, lots of stuff was bought for us by his father, house, TV, cars, my father doesnt have the means to be so generous. But even though it was put in my name to pay less stamp duty, its all his, even though we were together 12 years and raised kids together, and he constantly threatened to throw me out. Too late, I left, and now he says I abandoned him!

[Reg]

AussieOzborn,

Remember, in a way they are very materialistic. 

Having certain things gives them some feeling that they are somebody, I'd almost say some kind of temporarely identity.  My ex had this with her kitchen, cars, bathroom, clothing and other stuff.

Having to let go I suppose of things I guess makes them feel bad.  It seems to depend a bit on what it is and what is important for them to feel good or at least better... .  I think they actually feel as they loose a little bit of identity again... .

[seeking balance]

My recently ex uBPDw has an incredible sense of entitlement.  In relation to material things her attitude is :

"what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine, what's ours is mine"

Where the heck do they get this from?

I think I posed a similar question when I came here and I was in divorce hell.

What I have come to understand relates to what Reg had to say - an unstable sense of self means that "stuff" can be seen as a way to create an identity.   This comes from - well, look around - material things are advertised every day to create value... .unfortunately, a pwBPD may believe that the $100 jeans and the million dollar house do indeed make them complete.

Stuff also offers a false sense of control to someone when they already feel out of control so much of the time.

[toomanytears]

[/quote]
"stuff" can be seen as a way to create an identity.   

Stuff also offers a false sense of control to someone when they already feel out of control so much of the time.[/quote]
Yup. A few years ago my husband developed an obsession with buying expensive Japanese prints.He's spent thousands on them, money that could be more fruitfully spent paying off our mortgage etc. And that sense of entitlement was there. He had a right to have them if he wanted.  Sadly never really looked at them but talked about them almost as fondly as he talked about our children. Now he's left our family home, he's left his prints behind too. It's weird.

[Aussie0zborn]

Stuff also offers a false sense of control to someone when they already feel out of control so much of the time.

Good point. Mine could never throw anything away... .Even clothes that no longer fit her and everything she owned was oh so precious.

When I left her two years ago while she was overseas I accidentally took two of her CDs. One of these was a gift her daughter bought her in Paris on a school trip that I paid half for. When we got back together again she never let me forget that I took that "precious" CD even though I gave it back to her. She could not believe the violation! This is the same eggshell-walking daughter she bashed in a rage when the kid was in the shower and I had to go in and restrain her.

It also probably explains why she can't return any of my things. She even wanted to keep my tools of the trade which we forcibly removed from the house and now we're in court over that.

Do they ever just think about it for a moment? Is there no sense of compunction? Ever?

[WhenWiLLitEnd]

My recently ex uBPDw has an incredible sense of entitlement.  In relation to material things her attitude is :

"what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine, what's ours is mine"

Where the heck do they get this from?

Fundamentally they are control freaks and they will stop at nothing to gain that.

My BPD Ex manipulated a pregnancy and then continues to use my son as a manipulation tool.

Her sense of entitlement is phenomenal, she manipulated a situation where she made my family dependent on her - to see my son - then she decided that she was more entitled to my family than I was!

But, hang in there, do as much study as you can and don't take these people lightly.