Is if Wrong...

[downandin]

... .for me to sometimes almost wish that she would leave me?  (I do think she is shopping, by the way)  Of course, you know I don't really want this, but sometimes it just seems like it would be the easiest thing.  She will not communicate with me to help us work on our problems.  She will not ever accept any blame for any of our problems.  If I initiate a divorce, I would face great guilt for what it would do to my stepchildren, both financially and emotionally.  Of course, those hardships for the kids (adolescents) are going to be the same no matter who leaves who, but I have carried all the blame for everything wrong in this entire marriage, so is it wrong of me not to want to carry the blame for the ending of it?

[Cipher13]

I can't speak for you but for me I don't have kids and it still is the guilt that gets to me. I wish the same thing. I would rather she left. It feels like 1 less thing to get blamed for... .but we still will be blamed for it any way right?

[downandin]

Absolutely, she is going to blame me no matter what.  She is so good at it that I usually end up blaming myself too.  But if she left me for somebody else, then I might blame myself in the short term, but I don't think I would carry the guilt for long.  I know how much I have done for her and the kids.

[downandin]

I just realized I screwed up the title of the post "if" instead of "it."  That is literally how mentally worn out I am lately.  I find myself making stupid mistakes like this all the time and not even catching them.  I'm sorry.

[Cipher13]

Been there. I use this place to help with making sure I am still sane. If I am questioning myslef based on what she is saying and I find myself starting to beleive it even though my gut is telling me something is off.  I come here and vent. Sicne nearly everyone here is goingthough somethign similar or has gone through it I know and can count on a wise person letting me knoew to hang in there and I'm right to trust my gut... .Here is the hardest thing, I found I can dish out advice rather well and even use my onw life as examples bu when it comes to taking my own advice I am a chicken. Even though its the same advice other have given...

[Black]

Whether you leave or she leaves, she will blame you. As for the others around you (family, children) they don't all go through what you have to put up with. So if you wan't it to end, don't wait for her to take the step. Because it might take a long time and by then you will be worn out, if you arn't already.

Make the best decision for you and your steph-children, because you are the 'adult' in the relationship.

[Cipher13]

I totally agree wth Black on this. Now to take the advice for myself also. I am gettin to the worn out part now. I have no family left. Well I have to begin to reestablish contact which I have begun. Just need to take the first step i guess. The first step to leave seems the hardest.

[downandin]

Well, it looks like I'm getting my wish... .See my newest post in the 'Staying' forum.  I guess it's true, 'be careful what you wish for.'

[Surnia]

I went through the same thing. It started with wish he would go out the evening or he would go for holidays alone and continued with: What if he would leave... .

After a while I started to change: If I wish it I have to do it myself. I cannot wait forever if my wishes come true or if the fairy godmother will passing by... .

I truly believe wishes are never wrong. They are a part of us. They will tell us something.