If you have questions, don't be afraid to research...

[Hydroman]

I am a scientis, by my name, a Hydrologist.  My wife of 11 yrs of marriage and 3 children has BPD and bipolar disorder (both diagnosed) with the symptoms manifesting 3 years ago.

I would like to share my story to date.  When my wife was discharged from the hospital the very first time after attempting suicide and this is when we found out Axis I was "severe bipolar" and Axis II Borderline Personality Disorder, along with being an alcoholic.  The hospital just discharged her, no suggestion, no "she should be in a DBT class"  nothing.  In Fact, the doctors, thanks to the new HIPPA laws, won't even talk to me about her-yet they send the bills to me without reservation.  So with bipolar, the meds weren't right and she ended up back in the hospital several times until they finally got them right-its more art than science.  In the mean time, no guidence on when to put her back in the hospital, what warning flags to watch for, suggestions for dealing with BPD-nothing.   Once they got the meds right and the bipolar symptoms went away, the BPD really manifest itself.   It wasn't until I went to a therapist that she,indirectly figured out what was going on and told me to get her to a therapist who specialized in DBT.  

In the mean time, my wife questioned her sexual orientation and was at odds within herself not know who she was and hating herself for being married and 3 children and possibly being gay.   No guidence from psychiatrist, therapist, no one.  

As a scientist, I started researching.  I understand no 1 person can know everything about a disorder.  I came from a research background and was very willing to admit I don't know something about my field but would research it out and find an answer.   The current medical community, although required to do so many hours of training a year, do NOT keep up with thier field.  Once they pass the boards, they might read a little but not much more.  

My research has turned up several recent articles in major psychiatric journals suggesting that questioning ones sexual orientation is common to borderlines.  I have turned up lots of information I found helpful that was never passed on to my by the "professionals".  

BPD really hasn't been recognized as a disorder very long.  Lenihans papers came out in the early 1990's.  A lot has been learned but there is so much more to learn about the disorder.   The therapist and psychiatrist know the basics of the disorder but unless this is the specialty of thier practice, I doubt they know many of the details of the disorder that we as the significant other of the person with the disorder need/want to know.  

My whole point to all of this post is to say to everyone, if you have questions, don't be afraid to research, most likely, if the therapist can't answer, its because they don't know.  The answer may be know and it takes you to go out and find it out.  Knowing does make a difference and helps.  

Best of luck to all of you

Hydroman

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[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi Hydroman 

Thank you for sharing. I think you're right in saying that not every therapist is well versed in BPD. It's good to hear that you're researching and finding information on your own, too. We have an thread on Which online resources are reputable and which are not