Happy for Her

[nolisan]

I am about a week away from a year NC. She moved to a new city and dropped off the face of the earth. Occasionally I google her name. The reason has evolved from tracking her down for the money she owed me to now a gentler mere curiosity. I still care about her.

Well she finally resurfaced in a search. I am proud of myself - her picture didn't trigger any anger or grief.  She looked good, longer hair and smiling. Looks like she is studying to be a librarian - might be a good fit for her. I hope it is - she struggled with jobs and career choices.

This shows me how far I have come with my healing. I no longer hate her. I see now that we both had too much brokenness to have a healthy r/s. Broke + broke don't = fixed.

I now have a compassionate love for her in my heart knowing that we will never be together or even talk. It's all OK. She came through my life for a season and a reason. She was a great teacher. I hope she may feel the same way but that is out of my hands.

I wish the very best for her. And me!

[Surnia]

And happy for you, I may add. 

Your post is touching, beautiful written and insightful. I am really happy that you found your way to this.

[happylogist]

Oh, soo happy for you!   Hope this will be my reaction one day! Although I am still trying hard not to stalk him online... .

My mom's friend used to tell a joke about her failed relationship - there are two good things about relationships: first is knowing that he is the one and the second realizing that he is not the one and my life is so much better with knowing that he is not the one" :D  So you got to the second one!

[heartandwhole]

I now have a compassionate love for her in my heart knowing that we will never be together or even talk. It's all OK. She came through my life for a season and a reason. She was a great teacher. I hope she may feel the same way but that is out of my hands.

I wish the very best for her. And me!

Nolisan, I am very touched by your post, it's beautiful.  I feel the same about my pwBPD.  This compassion that you express is a gift to yourself, your pwBPD, and all of us – even the world! 

Thank you for sharing. 

[nolisan]

Thanks for your kind words.

[Clearmind]

I'm happy for you! 

[myself]

Nice post, nolisan. Compassion, and seeing this for what it is, brings about much balance. In your search you've really found Yourself. Sounds like you're not so 'broken' now!

[Emelie Emelie]

What a lovely post.  I hope I can get to the place you are today.  I'm sure it wasn't easy.  Thank you for sharing.