Nose hair and idealization

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

We've all been told by our BPDexes how good looking, smart, professional, creative, good in bed etc etc we are, haven't we.

The weirdest and now funniest idealization my exBPDgf1 told me was:

"KE, you're awesome, and you're such a great man because you trim your nose hair. You have no idea how much I appreciate that you do that. I love you so much!"

Well, her comment made me a bit uncomfortable at the time but as the discussion about my nose hair popped into my mind today, all I could do was laugh as it's so bizarre. Everything about me was just beyond perfect in the beginning... .funny and scary.

[KE151]

We've all been told by our BPDexes how good looking, smart, professional, creative, good in bed etc etc we are, haven't we.

The weirdest and now funniest idealization my exBPDgf1 told me was:

"KE, you're awesome, and you're such a great man because you trim your nose hair. You have no idea how much I appreciate that you do that. I love you so much!"

Well, her comment made me a bit uncomfortable at the time but as the discussion about my nose hair popped into my mind today, all I could do was laugh as it's so bizarre. Everything about me was just beyond perfect in the beginning... .funny and scary.

[fiddlestix]

"You are so generous!"  "I love your body!"  "You do that so well... ."  My dBPD ex wife made me feel like Superman.  She let me read a journal entry once in which she praised me because "... .he never hits me." 

Fast forward several years:

"You sneeze too loud!"  "I don't like your hairy chest."  "I hate the sound of your laugh!"  "You act like an old man... ."   Yada yada yada... . 

Welcome to the joys of loving a borderline disordered person. 

I act like an "old man?"  In my defense, I still have almost the same body (and most of the hair) I had when I was 24 (I am 47 now).  I run, lift, bike... .  On the other hand, she smokes so heavily she can barely walk a flight of steps without gasping.  Projection of her crappy self image onto me! 

KE, is she still idealizing you?  Or has the devaluing begun? 

Fiddlestix

[Blade99d]

Oh my god this is classic... .my ex used to tell me my go-tee was just slightly crooked.  I told her no one has ever said that to me, her reply was only a true friend will tell you that. 

[Reg]

KE151 and Blade99d

Were we dating the same person ?  Mine said as good as exactly the same line to me on both subjects 

O bugger ! 

[WalrusGumboot]

"You act like an old man... ."  

LOL. I hated this one. Add to that "You dress like an old man". Most clothes I owned, she bought me.

I bought a pair of white sneakers once, with a colored stripe down the side. They became my "geriatric" shoes, according to her. She decided to buy me replacement sneakers. They were something that a teenager with a skateboard would wear. Our son commented that they would look appropriate for a Power Ranger   Then the exBPDw changed her tune and started teasing my about my Power Ranger shoes. Bleh! I decided to use them to cut the grass in and do yard work.

I thought my geriatric shoes looked really nice... .

[human101]

My exBPDgf told me "I love the way you snore!"

And one night after she unexpectedly came back to my place for the night, and saw my bathroom in a mess, she told me, how much she adored me and my mess and she would be so happy to clean up after me.

Plus all the other flattery on a daily basis:

My body is on fire, you're the best lover I've ever had

None else has ever made me feel like you do in bed

You are such a decent and good person

You are very intelligent, I didn't realize how much you knew about current affairs

You look like a Botticelli angel when you sleep

I knew when. I read your on line profile that we would be together one day

I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you (after week 9)

Needless to say, in the blink of an eye, I was untrustworthy, had issues from my past that were ruining our relationship, made her feel invisible, cared about my ex girlfriend/friends/business more than her, neglected her and traumatized her,   and so forth and so on.

[KE151]

KE, is she still idealizing you?  Or has the devaluing begun?  

Fiddlestix

Hi fiddlestix,

She's gone (but unfortunately not forgotten :-)) ) since Feb 2012. The devaluing started in earnest at the second hickup at about 2 mos in. That was followed by idealization which again turned into devaluing, you know the script. Idealization got more moderate and the devaluing more extreme as time progressed. She still attempts recycles via email and texts about once a month where she again tries to idealize me.