Here's the inner yin and yang of it... .
seduction phase is key to how the BPD traps us. They idolize us in the beginning to the point where anyone would think they have found true love and then boom they switch to monsters once they know they have us. They are emotional terrorists. The only reason you continued to stay instead of running sooner is because you felt unloved growing up. This is the only reason. Had you felt loved you would never tolerate this treatment - but it felt familiar to you, so you stayed
BottomLine: Truth. NEVER thought i would wind up marrying my abusive father. What sucked here, is because she was female, NEVER saw it coming. By the time i saw it, the denial and negative bond were so strong that my internal discounting got reactivated.
Faith:
Sits around ALLLLLLLLLLL day smoking pot and then does harder drugs at night
That would be dysfunctional.
Mine draws a 6 figure salary, very strong work ethic. But she's a spender, since our separation; dissipating any of her assests: brand new car suv, ANOTHER dog, brand new fence, more cloths, buys enough food to fill the fridge to feed an army winds up throwing 1/2 of it out, when she doesn't go out to eat (the full appetizer, meal, dessert, drink) more new clothes. Very self-centered. Not really able to think in terms of team concept, has hyper-uber control, passive-aggressive to the max, core invalidator, all in contrast to
the flexible, wanting to please, do anything for ya person i was dating. I didn't see the emotional manipulation for what it was. She still can be sweet, but if it comes to dialog and give and take exchange... .where i once had influence and respect... .it's as if i've given the adversary inside information as any vulnerability, want, or need that gets expressed on my part either gets used against me, or becomes the next carpet to be pulled from underneath me. So in an odd way, it kinda sorta mimics the walking on eggshells in a surreal way, compared to the 2 faced father i grew up with (oh your dad's soo cool yada yada, strong work ethic; yet inside the home he'd rage, disparage, and give you THAT look of disgust for no reason while disrespecting boundaries... .functional ptsd).
So yeah, the inner work... .urgh. Have to find that inner authentic befriending impulse. My last therapist in mentioning my codependency (God do i ever hate that part of myself which got unearthed) said something about not needing to look outside of myself for someone to take care of me. Unbelievable... .used to be self-reliant, determined, strong-willed. So maybe i've become the adult child and am at a loss (mired in depression) for being strong enough to pick myself out of the abyss and wreckage... .while my SO saunters on guilt free with me as her roadkill. I hate the victim role cus it's disabling... .like inside of a trauma bond.
Q of faith:
I do believe, if in your internal self-talk you are seeing and verbalizing the downside of her character... .it makes it easier to detach. I seem to pick up on that theme on these boards as a whole. So if that's devaluing the priceless piece of gold we overestimated as having in our life, but instead it turns out to be some kind of trap that sucks the energy out of our marrow... .then let wake up call help find that authentic piece of internal pride we were once able to estalishe in our lives rather than co-miserating a life of emotional wreckage.
