Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
January 19, 2021, 11:05:07 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified

Pages: 1 2 [3]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Worst reaction to your BPDs behavior?  (Read 11163 times)
SeekerofTruth
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 235



« Reply #60 on: October 15, 2013, 05:08:11 PM »

Here's the inner yin and yang of it... .

Excerpt
seduction phase is key to how the BPD traps us.  They idolize us in the beginning to the point where anyone would think they have found true love and then boom they switch to monsters once they know they have us.  They are emotional terrorists.  The only reason you continued to stay instead of running sooner is because you felt unloved growing up.  This is the only reason.  Had you felt loved you would never tolerate this treatment - but it felt familiar to you, so  you stayed 

BottomLine:  Truth.  NEVER thought i would wind up marrying my abusive father.   What sucked here, is because she was female, NEVER saw it coming.  By the time i saw it, the denial and negative bond were so strong that my internal discounting got reactivated.

Faith:

Excerpt
  Sits around ALLLLLLLLLLL day smoking pot and then does harder drugs at night

That would be dysfunctional.

Mine draws a 6 figure salary, very strong work ethic.  But she's a spender, since our separation; dissipating any of her assests: brand new car suv, ANOTHER dog, brand new fence, more cloths, buys enough food to fill the fridge to feed an army winds up throwing 1/2 of it out, when she doesn't go out to eat (the full appetizer, meal, dessert, drink)  more new clothes.  Very self-centered.  Not really able to think in terms of team concept, has hyper-uber control, passive-aggressive to the max, core invalidator, all in contrast to

the flexible, wanting to please, do anything for ya person i was dating.  I didn't see the emotional manipulation for what it was.  She still can be sweet, but if it comes to dialog and give and take exchange... .where i once had influence and respect... .it's as if i've given the adversary inside information as any vulnerability, want, or need that gets expressed on my part either gets used against me, or becomes the next carpet to be pulled from underneath me.  So in an odd way, it kinda sorta mimics the walking on eggshells in a surreal way, compared to the 2 faced father i grew up with (oh your dad's soo cool yada yada, strong work ethic; yet inside the home he'd rage, disparage, and give you THAT look of disgust for no reason while disrespecting boundaries... .functional ptsd).

So yeah, the inner work... .urgh.  Have to find that inner authentic befriending impulse.  My last therapist in mentioning my codependency (God do i ever hate that part of myself which got unearthed) said something about not needing to look outside of myself for someone to take care of me.  Unbelievable... .used to be self-reliant, determined, strong-willed.  So maybe i've become the adult child and am at a loss (mired in depression) for being strong enough to pick myself out of the abyss and wreckage... .while my SO saunters on guilt free with me as her roadkill.  I hate the victim role cus it's disabling... .like inside of a trauma bond.

Q of faith:

I do believe, if in your internal self-talk you are seeing and verbalizing the downside of her character... .it makes it easier to detach.  I seem to pick up on that theme on these boards as a whole.  So if that's devaluing the priceless piece of gold we overestimated as having in our life, but instead it turns out to be some kind of trap that sucks the energy out of our marrow... .then let wake up call help find that authentic piece of internal pride we were once able to estalishe in our lives rather than co-miserating a life of emotional wreckage.
Logged
blissful_camper
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 611



« Reply #61 on: October 15, 2013, 06:02:51 PM »

I stayed pretty calm (as calm as I could) during the relationship when he was abusive and playing games, even though I wanted to let it rip. 

After it ended, I did let it rip.  I said all of the things I hadn't said during the relationship.  I bombarded him with emails and texts, letting it all spill out.  And I mirrored back much of what he said to me.  He had criticized me for being intelligent.  I criticized him for not being as intelligent as I was. I just slammed back with below the belt analysis, calling him on every lie, every behavior that was abusive. 

Is that something I normally do?  No.  Did it make me feel better?  I felt guilty about it initially.  And a bit disappointed in myself that I'd stooped that low.  I wanted him to know, that I knew who/what he really was and that the relationship was a 'joke'.  But later, I cut myself a break.  Would I react that way again if I could do it all over?  Probably not.  It likely just fed his need for attention. And it was a waste of my time. 
Logged
AliveButBeatup
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Getting a divorce --- after 9 months. :(
Posts: 124



« Reply #62 on: October 15, 2013, 07:07:01 PM »

I stayed pretty calm (as calm as I could) during the relationship when he was abusive and playing games, even though I wanted to let it rip. 

After it ended, I did let it rip.  I said all of the things I hadn't said during the relationship.  I bombarded him with emails and texts, letting it all spill out.  And I mirrored back much of what he said to me.  He had criticized me for being intelligent.  I criticized him for not being as intelligent as I was. I just slammed back with below the belt analysis, calling him on every lie, every behavior that was abusive. 

Is that something I normally do?  No.  Did it make me feel better?  I felt guilty about it initially.  And a bit disappointed in myself that I'd stooped that low.  I wanted him to know, that I knew who/what he really was and that the relationship was a 'joke'.  But later, I cut myself a break.  Would I react that way again if I could do it all over?  Probably not.  It likely just fed his need for attention. And it was a waste of my time. 

I too did something similar. Was it outside of character for me?  Yes. Am I glad I did it?  Yes.  I think it actually helped the situation.  Crazy people are a funny sort. If they think you are crazier than them, they will run away.

I mirrored her treatment of me. I told her I hated her. I told I cursed the day I met her. I told she is a human sack of s##t.  I mocked her.  I berated her.  A 3 day campaign of texting and e-mails. I kept asking her why she was wearing her wedding band. I kept asking her if she was ready for a divorce now (she kept fighting getting a divorce).  I told her using my family's name as her last name was an insult. She was not good enough to use the name.  I called the police on her when she was screaming and yelling outside my home I had moved to when I left.  I asked her if she had found another guy yet as that was my hope.  That would be excellent.  When you have BPD it is no fun when your victim is not docile. It makes the manipulation more difficult.

I have peace and quiet now. She leaves me alone. No contact. No BS from her any longer.  My tirade allowed her to succumb to her victim mentality and now I am the bad guy.  I don't hang around her family or friends, so nothing lost there. She can say whatever she wants to them. My family and friends know who I am. They told me to get rid of her a long time ago.

ABB
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: 1 2 [3]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
Amethyste
Angie59
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
assumezero
At Bay
Avanzando
Baglady
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaintTheGoat
FaithHopeLove
FindingMe2011
Forgiveness
freespirit
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
Longterm
lorymac
lovenature
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
Sad4Her
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SBBayArea
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Silverhope
Skip
songbirdtwo
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
townhouse
truthbeknown
turtleengine501
Ventak
vinnie77
Violet00
wavewatcher
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!