Mother manipulating therapist

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi,

I'm fairly certain my mother has BPD.  She has never been diagnosed, but she has all the symptoms and signs, in fact she's a perfect textbook match for this disorder.  My issue is she's finally agreed to see a therapist.  Which sounds good, except of course none of us could contact or speak to this therapist before hand. What I feared would happen has occurred. She's manipulated the therapist completely, made herself out to be a victim, and has left out huge chunks of information.  My mother is incredibly self unaware and refuses to admit that she's in any way at all unreasonable or terrifying to the whole family.

She's returned from the session speaking of how great her "wonderful therapist" is and that she agreed with her that we all were the problem and that she was being misused. My fear is that she's now going to become even worse because she has received some sort of validation from this therapist that her feelings are acceptable.

Has anyone had this issue? I have no idea what to do. I was the one that encouraged therapy, now I feel like an idiot because it may do nothing but exacerbate the problem.

[ArleneKyte]

Hi,

I'm fairly certain my mother has BPD.  She has never been diagnosed, but she has all the symptoms and signs, in fact she's a perfect textbook match for this disorder.  My issue is she's finally agreed to see a therapist.  Which sounds good, except of course none of us could contact or speak to this therapist before hand. What I feared would happen has occurred. She's manipulated the therapist completely, made herself out to be a victim, and has left out huge chunks of information.  My mother is incredibly self unaware and refuses to admit that she's in any way at all unreasonable or terrifying to the whole family.

She's returned from the session speaking of how great her "wonderful therapist" is and that she agreed with her that we all were the problem and that she was being misused. My fear is that she's now going to become even worse because she has received some sort of validation from this therapist that her feelings are acceptable.

Has anyone had this issue? I have no idea what to do. I was the one that encouraged therapy, now I feel like an idiot because it may do nothing but exacerbate the problem.

[Reg]

Hi ArleneKyte,

May I first give you a warm welcome to BPD Family ? 

We are all here for mutual support on the same matter ! 

I would like to understand a bit more concerning the situation, may I ask you a few questions ?

Why did your mother finally agree to see a therapist ?  Do you know if this therapist has any serious knowledge and most of all experience in helping people with BPD ?  Do you know who the therapist is she's working with ?

Also, if she has BPD, keep something in mind : they are masters of manipulation (unknowingly) not to have to deal with guilt and shame themselves.  What I mean is, that she just might be projecting the whole problem back to you, the family.  It seems that the "truth" can evolve from moment to moment in another direction, making it them believe their own lies.

So it is hard to know and believe what the therapist actually said, you were not there.  Have you been able to speak to her in the mean time ?

This may also be an interesting read for you :

Supporting a Loved-one with Borderline Personality Disorder

Hang in there, you are not alone !

Reg

[ArleneKyte]

Hi,

She finally agreed to see someone because of her temper outbursts. She doesn't see that there's more going on than anger management issues.

The therapist is a licensed social worker; as far as I know she doesn't have any experience with BPD.  My mother refuses to even entertain the idea that she has other issues so I don't know how I can get her to see someone else, especially since she's now in awe at how well this therapist "understands everything all so well."  And the therapist won't discuss my mother with anyone from the family because of client confidentiality.

However, it never occurred to me that she might not be telling the entire truth about what the therapist said.  I just assumed I was getting the whole story. That does give me some hope at least that the therapist wasn't completely conned.

Thanks for the welcome and the information. 

[zone out]

Hi ArleneKyte

Just want to echo Reg's welcome to the site.  Many of us in BPD family have really similar stories to share.  When I joined the site it was such a relief to find that I was not alone in dealing with my mother's rages.  I can so identify with your frustration at your mother's reaction to her therapy session.  In my case, my mother is so convinced that she is the one being wronged by everyone else, she would not go near a therapist. 

At least you have got your mother over that first step - I would view that as progress! - and as Reg says, you could not be sure what the therapist actually said.  I know quite a few social workers and I think they have a fair working knowledge of PDs.

There is lots of information on the site.  Keep reading and posting - let us know how things are going.

All best wishes to you

Zone out