The difference between my BPDw and me

[Samuel S.]

I guess the difference has been so blatant all of my years with my BPDw, that I didn't really think of it until now. My BPDw has been hurt so much, that she now has become so hurtful and so conceited, that everyone seems to be against her. Even in her new found friends for the last year or so, there's someone who seems to have it in for her. She is a person who seems to crave drama rather than harmony, although she is getting counseling to counteract her inner turmoil. Yet, she still acts out against me in so many ways. On the other hand, I have learned that although I have had my struggles earlier in life, that I feel better about myself, and that I am a giver via. teaching, tutoring, writing, giving workshops, and just listening and caring about people. Today, I went to a chain store that sells beds, because they've advertised about their joint venture to help foster kids and their foster parents. I offered to give free family workshops. So, after a great talk with the local manager, he gave me a brochure with contact information. I now have emailed them offering to help by giving these free workshops. My BPDw would never do this, because she is so into herself unfortunately!

[Samuel S.]

I posted on Facebook to my friends and to my former students who are good friends of mine about my offer to help foster families and how I have emailed many foster agencies. There has been an abundance of heartfelt support which overwhelms me and warms my heart, and I so very much appreciate their validation of what I am doing. On the other hand, my BPDw doesn't even know what I did, because she will either put down my generosity, or she will midly say "that's nice". So, I don't even bother telling her anymore. At the same time, I support her fully and wholeheartedly. Bottom line, I think she is jealous that I am so helpful while she is so engrained into herself and so conceited. I just wish she could feel joy and be able to truly give, but she is too angry to even consider it. Ironically enough, she is in a giving profession which she is going to retire from in about 5 years, and she is going to go into another giving profession. I just hope she and I can have a relationship before I pass. I miss the jubilant spouse whom I married, but so do we all!  :'(