HeeltoHeal - Yep you could be right there - dysregulation with me can be forgotten if his friends come over - then he is nice as pie in front of them. Back to dysregulation when they are gone. There are a lot of self serving behaviours present in this disorder. Being seen as the nice guy is very important.
Yes, because the disorder is shame-based, a borderline is ashamed of who they really are, so they create a mask, a facade, to present to others, except those who are 'lucky' enough to be invited inside the fortress.
We all do that to one degree or another though, that behavior is not exclusive to borderline pathology by any stretch. I've done it plenty myself, and creating a facade of who I want to be perceived as is also building my own walls, and banishing myself to solitary confinement. And the truth is the walls are transparent anyway; those paying enough attention see who we really are.
Lately I've been focusing on vulnerability, how when we see other people express vulnerability we consider it courageous, but when we express it ourselves we consider it weakness. Well fck that, it is courageous, and more importantly, that is where true connection and belonging are found, what humans are hardwired for, when we let down the walls, abolish the facade, and show up as who we really are, to those who have earned the right with their respect and our trust of them of course. That's where Life happens and it's what is real.
