Evaluating relationship with BPD waif mother after breakup with BPDex

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

One thing that has been hard after my breakup with my BPDex is realizing that my mother is and was a BPD waif-which is precisely the reason I was drawn to my BPDex.

This has caused me to withdraw from my mother for so many reasons: 1) I resent her for creating the emotional environment growing up which caused me to be the helper, caretaker, savior of women instead of focusing on myself more and 2) I realize that the more contact I have with my mom, the more she reminds me of my ex and it prevents my healing.

Do any of you have similar issues? And how do you deal with them?

[hopealways]

One thing that has been hard after my breakup with my BPDex is realizing that my mother is and was a BPD waif-which is precisely the reason I was drawn to my BPDex.

This has caused me to withdraw from my mother for so many reasons: 1) I resent her for creating the emotional environment growing up which caused me to be the helper, caretaker, savior of women instead of focusing on myself more and 2) I realize that the more contact I have with my mom, the more she reminds me of my ex and it prevents my healing.

Do any of you have similar issues? And how do you deal with them?

[Learning2Thrive]

Yes. 

I now recognize my mother as uBPD Queen-Waif-Witch (cycling between the 3 to suit her objective or whim on any given day)... .with a whole lot of uNPD.

I was the eldest child of 4.  I co-parented my siblings. I see clearly now that I enabled my mother to take advantage of us (all of her children) for her own personal benefit. Manipulations, gaslighting and ABUSES abounded... .emotional, physical, verbal.  She absolutely primed me for the relationship I just endured with my ex uBPD SO.  No wonder it felt so natural... .so connected.

UGH.  I am NC/LC with my mother and have been for years before I even met my now ex uBPD SO.  She (my mother) still sends me periodic hurtful, narcissistic emails. She never asks about me or her grandchildren. I rarely ever bother to respond.

YES... .after my breakup, I have been re-evaluating everything from my childhood.  I see so much more clearly than I ever did before.  It's painful.  But I've got an opportunity to face it and learn how to heal it. 

FOR ME... .the best method to handle my mother is LC/NC.  I am completely NC with my exSO.

Hang in there. YOU are worthy of love and respect. YOU are worthy of your own love and respect before anyone else. Be kind to yourself and love yourself the way you need to be loved.

[hopealways]

Thank you for your reply. I have posted 123 times as of this writing and this one brought me to tears... .which makes it all the more evident that my BPDwaif mother also primed me for this fiasco I am now dealing with.

I cannot go NC with my mother so I am stuck with LC. She is not evil (or maybe she is and I am in denial who knows) but the emotional abuse, her rages, her blaming me for her tears, all really interfered with my normal emotional development.  Thankfully, I do not hurt others like the BPD does.  I just hurt myself.  But I am healing, and your response, knowing others have dealt with this, really helps me.  Thank you again very much.

[Learning2Thrive]

You're welcome, Hopealways! 

Have you checked out the family members board here on bpdfamily? 

There are some excellent resources and sharing on this topic over there.  I came to bpdfamily because of my ex uBPD SO.  But learning so much, have found the family member resources to be extremely helpful.

Hopefully this link will work:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0