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Author Topic: 3.05 | What to do if your child is arrested  (Read 6704 times)
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« on: October 19, 2013, 04:44:32 PM »

What You Need To Know If Your Child Is Arrested

If our child is arrested, most of us aren't knowledgeable in this area and don't know exactly what will happen or how best to protect our child without being enabling. So let's talk about that.

My family is in law enforcement and I do know that criminal charges should never be taken lightly. A conviction remains with a person long after the fines are paid and any probation or jail time are served. And then there is suicidal ideation as a possible outcome (I know this from experience with my own son, after an arrest that eventually saw all charges dismissed, and with no jail time served at all).

Innocent or guilty, your child needs your support, monetarily, emotionally and even spiritually.

Consequences for their actions?  If they're arrested, even with our support, there will be plenty of consequences and lessons learned.  And it's true that some of us need institutional help with our most difficult children--but we might better serve our children to enlist the help of the armed forces than the criminal court system.

People make mistakes. Young people make lots of mistakes. Young people wBPD make more. Some mistakes are more serious than others. Even if your child has been guilty of a crime it doesn't mean they are going to be a criminal for the rest of their life. They need the help and assistance sometimes only a parent can provide.

The Juvenile Court Process (a composite, jurisdictions vary)

After a child is arrested, the officer in charge decides whether the child should be held in custody and charged, released or transferred to another program. This decision is based on information obtained from the victims of the crime, statements, or admissions made by the child and any past records the child may have in the juvenile-justice system.

Half of all juvenile court cases are heard informally. The others are handled through a more lengthy, complex, and expensive legal process. Getting into the informal process is goal. Most of these cases end up being dismissed with an "informal disposition." This happens when the child admits guilt and agrees to settle the charges by meeting requirements set by the court. Among these requirements may be:

  • Restitution — the child is required to reimburse the victim for the property damage he or she caused.


  • Community service — the child is required to spend a certain number of hours working in the community without pay.


  • School attendance — the child is required to attend school regularly and make satisfactory grades.


  • Counseling — the child is required to participate in counseling for drug or emotional problems.


Although the hearing is labeled "informal," it is a serious matter, with potentially severe consequences. Legal representation is important at this stage of proceedings.

When the requirements are set and all of the parties agree, the child will be placed on probation while he or she meets the obligations set by the court. During this probation time, the child will be monitored by a probation officer. After all of the requirements are met, the case will be dismissed. If the child fails to meet all of the requirements set by the court, he or she may have to face a formal hearing.

If a formal hearing is necessary, a decision will be made as to how the case will be heard. In many states, a formal hearing may be held in either juvenile or criminal court. The prosecutor usually has the discretion to decide where the hearing will take place. Most cases involving juveniles are heard in juvenile court. Many states have laws that require some serious offenses to be heard in criminal court.


Workshop Questions

  • What are the immediate do's and don'ts in the first 24 hours? How do you contact your child? How do you advise them? How do you want to react?


  • Suicide is always a concern with BPD--Should you say anything while waiting for the attorney to get involved?


  • Bailing your child out--How does it work? How do you get involved without enabling?


  • How does age, degree of offense, prior legal problems influence your approach?


(information from www.chicagocriminallaw.com/Juvenile-Matters_PC/What-To-Do-If-Your-1-Juvenile-Matters_PC.shtml and  www.prlog.org/10037062-6-tips-for-what-to-do-if-your-child-is-arrested.html)
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« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2013, 09:22:04 PM »

Wow - lots of aspects of this... .

How about starting with introductions and "credentials"?  (My credentials are all from the School Of Hard Knocks.)

My adult son has been arrested a number of times;  in fact he's in prison right now.  I've also been arrested, but the accusation was false and I wasn't convicted of anything.

My son was 18 when I married his mom.  I also have three younger kids.  He had been drinking since 12, other drugs in high school.  His mom - now my ex - has BPD and other stuff, and treated him badly when he was young (and she still does in some ways).  He was arrested for DUI three times, and once for felony charges which were baloney but hard to disprove.  Now he's been clean and sober for five years and I'm very proud of him, but he'll be in prison for another year and a half.

So I'm no expert - not an attorney - but I have some thoughts on Rapt's questions:

What are the immediate do's and don'ts in the first 24 hours? How do you contact your child? How do you advise them? How do you want to react?

The main thing the person being arrested should realize is that you can't talk your way out of it, or convince the officer not to arrest you.  If he has been accused of a crime, or they have some reason to think he committed a crime, he's going to be arrested;  it's not the officer's job to decide if he's guilty, just to arrest him and let the process begin.

This is important because, if he hasn't experienced it - and if he watches TV - he probably thinks that if he says the right thing they will let him go.  Not gonna happen.  And talking could make things worse, even if he didn't do anything wrong - something he says could create bigger problems later in the process.

So... .what I would tell a young person who is dealing with the police, is to be polite and cooperative - don't argue or run - but don't answer any questions other than your name, where you live, whether this is your car, etc. - factual stuff they can find out somehow anyhow.  :)on't talk about what happened - even if you did nothing wrong.  If you're asked, "What happened?", say, "Am I being arrested?", and if the answer isn't "No", clam up.  (And if the answer is "No", clam up anyway.)

Realize that you are probably going to be arrested, and it won't kill you.  You'll see a judge and you can talk to an attorney.  It will be an unpleasant experience but you will survive it.

I would suggest that he call his parents or someone mature he trusts, and ask them to arrange for an attorney to come see him and help.  And whatever he does, when he sees the judge, plead innocent and say nothing else - just his name and "Innocent" - until he has talked with an attorney.

For you as a parent, I would suggest you take his call and find out where he is - what jail - and what he was charged with, but no details about what happened, just what the charges are.  Remember, this call is being recorded and will be heard by the prosecutor.  Tell him you will find an attorney and he should call you again in a few hours if he can.  Tell him not to talk to anybody until he has talked to an attorney - don't talk to the police or other people in jail.  Tell him he will be OK and you love him.  Find out if he has seen a judge yet, and if bond has been set, and for how much.  :)on't promise him "I'll get you out today." or anything else, except that you'll see what you can do.

You might be able to visit him - probably a video-visit not face-to-face.  :)on't discuss the case or what happened - the visit will be recorded and will be reviewed by the prosecutor, so anything he says is going right to the prosecutor's ears.  If he starts to talk about what happened, cut him off and say, ":)on't talk about that with anybody except your attorney."  Your purpose in visiting him, or taking his phone calls, or exchanging letters, should be to support him as a person, not to discuss the case.  (Letters will also be opened, copied and given to the prosecutor.)  No discussion of the case at all, just how he's doing, and that you are there for him.

If he's going to be in jail for more than a couple of days, you can probably get books to him, and maybe food - ask at the jail or ask an attorney.  A book might be a huge relief to him right now.

Suicide is always a concern with BPD--Should you say anything while waiting for the attorney to get involved?

My son planned to kill himself, and followed through.  He didn't die because another inmate saw it and reported it - he took a bunch of meds - and they pumped his stomach in time.  Jails are supposed to watch out for this but it happens.

If he says anything that sounds like he might be thinking about suicide, do your best to support him and help him understand this will pass and the future will be brighter, and let him know it hurts you to hear that and it would hurt you if you lost him.  Then report what he said to the jail.  They will put him on suicide watch - it's very unpleasant but it might save his life.

Talk to the attorney about this too.  She may know the best way to deal with the jail to minimize the risk.

Bailing your child out--How does it work? How do you get involved without enabling?

Usually he will see a judge within 24 hours.  Bond might be set at that time, or there might be another appearance some days later.  If he has an attorney, the attorney may be able to influence the judge to reduce or waive bond.  If it is low, you might be able to post it - you will probably get it back later if he always shows up for court appearances.

You may choose not to post the bond right away.  I did that once - got my son an attorney, but didn't post bond.  That meant a week in jail, then they let him out while his case was prosecuted.  The reason was, he was in bad shape - an emotional wreck - drinking and drugs - so jail was the best place for him to cool down - maybe the only place he could spend that week and be sober.  Of course my son didn't see it that way - he kept calling and begging me to get him out of there - I had to decide what was right and tell him, "I can't promise you when you will get out but call me back tomorrow so I will know you are OK."  Not pleasant conversations... .

If the issue is alcohol and/or drugs, my suggestion would be, talk to some treatment facilities, and see if it might be possible to move him direct from jail to rehab, if funding is available (a huge "if" because it can be very expensive).  Rehabs like to get people direct from jail because treatment is more successful that way.  You can ask the attorney to recommend a rehab, or just make a bunch of calls and visit some if you can - find one that is affordable.  The probation department may have funding for this, or there may be another way to get it paid for - ask a lot of questions.  Better to spend your time and money on this path than be in a hurry to post bond and let him go back to what he was doing, if the problem is substance abuse.

How does age, degree of offense, prior legal problems influence your approach?

Well if this is (as in my son's case) his 2nd or 3rd DUI, I think you should consider doing nothing, except moral support - calls, letters, books, etc.  Maybe a lawyer to make sure he is treated fairly, but it's possible that jail might be a necessary part of his recovery.

Or if it's some other repeated behavior, same thing - getting an expensive attorney to prevent consequences might be the worst thing to do.  It is very, very hard to watch you kid go to jail or prison - a horrible experience! - but talk about it with someone you respect, and see if you really know deep-down that it's the right thing to happen.  Then get a ton of support for yourself while you go through it.

If it's the first time, or if you believe the charges may be false - quite a big % of criminal charges are false! - then it may be best to learn everything you can, and find the best attorney you can afford, and work hard on your child's behalf, with faith that the criminal justice system will do the right thing.

In any case, as soon as you have a minute to breathe, find some support for yourself too.  This can be a very stressful time for you.  If you can find a good counselor, or a mature friend or family member, who can give you extra support, that could make a big difference.
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« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2013, 09:32:41 PM »

One more thought, on public defenders... .

From what I've seen, public defenders are very busy, and they generally can only be counted on to do the formalities, not to actually defend or advise.  Better than nothing - a PD will tell someone charged with a crime not to talk to the police without the attorney present, for example - but usually they won't even visit the defendant in jail - they'll meet him for the first time in court, in front of the judge, and the PD will just ask, "So how do you want to plead?" and then repeat that loudly to the judge - "My client pleads not guilty Your Honor." - not too helpful.

If you can't afford or find a private attorney, he should cooperate with the PD, and you might be able to help in some way - like doing some research - because the PD will have very little time.  The PD probably knows what he is doing - he's a real lawyer - but he will have more clients than he has time for.  So you can't expect him to do much.
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« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2013, 12:00:05 PM »

Be proactive - teach your child how to deal with an arrest.

Few parents do this, but it makes sense to teach your child about how to conduct themselves if they are ever taken into custody. Once they are in, your ability to coach them will be limited.  They may not even be permitted to call you – the police may call on their behalf - and when they are ready.  

As Matt says, for example, most kids (and adults) will think they might be able to talk their way out of an arrest and in the process incriminate themselves.

It is important to note that Miranda rights do not go into effect until after an arrest is made.

The officer is free to ask questions before an arrest, even if they don't inform the suspect that the questioning is voluntary and that he or she is free to leave at any time, the answers to these questions are admissible in court.

If the suspect is placed under arrest and not read Miranda rights, even then, spontaneous or voluntary statements may be used in evidence in court. For example, if the suspect starts using excuses justifying why he or she committed a crime these statements can be used at trial.

Silence can be used against the suspect if it occurs before he or she is read the Miranda rights. For example, an innocent person would proclaim his or her evidence or try to give an alibi rather than staying quiet. The prosecution will try to use the suspect’s silence against him or her in court.

Police can lie to you, say they saw things they didn't see, say others said you didn't do things that they didn't say, tell you they have evbidence that they don't have.  They can even act like a buddy and say if you write an apology letter it will make this much easier on everyone.

Any thing and everything can be used against you.

The best thing is to be extremely polite, extremely respectful, and say that the family lawyer said to not say anything if questioned by the police until the lawyer is there to help.

Ask if you are free to go -  it's important to ask periodically ask if “you’re free to go” or if you are arrested. Police do not always volunteer to this information.  Your child may be free to leave. They should.

I think we all wish this wasn't so.  

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« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2013, 01:01:04 AM »

Be proactive - teach your child how to deal with an arrest.

Yeah but how can this be raised with them?  My youngest are 15 and 17 - how can I just say, out of the blue, "Hey kids - let's talk about getting arrested!"?
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« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2013, 05:51:59 AM »

Be proactive - teach your child how to deal with an arrest.

Yeah but how can this be raised with them?  My youngest are 15 and 17 - how can I just say, out of the blue, "Hey kids - let's talk about getting arrested!"?

Maybe ask what they're learning in school about the Declaration of Independence.  Basic human rights stuff.  Privacy laws, etc... .  How they feel about it, what their thoughts are... .  And then give an example?

It's amazing to me how much I DON'T know about my rights as a citizen.  I really should know more.
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« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2013, 06:51:06 PM »

Be proactive - teach your child how to deal with an arrest.

Yeah but how can this be raised with them?  My youngest are 15 and 17 - how can I just say, out of the blue, "Hey kids - let's talk about getting arrested!"?

My husband has been in law enforcement his whole adult life, so the boys grew up with a cop for a Dad. Now, yeah, we had discussions around the dinner table that consisted of his "on the job" stories, and he made sure to clue the boys in when younger people around their own age and older got in trouble. He let our boys know the mistakes those kids made, and how they could have avoided arrest or further trouble.

But, maybe other parents could be proactive with their children by reading articles out loud for them from the newspaper's "Police Beat" section of young people (or anyone, actually) in trouble, to bring the subject up. Pick an item that seems interesting if you can so they pay attention... .Did someone do some particularly stupid stunt that got them in trouble? Break into the VFW and steal the beer from the back room? Get caught playing hide and seek in the local cemetery while drunk? These kinds of stories should get their attention.

Maybe the kids (if they are older) will start volunteering information gleaned from gossip at school, and discussions can ensue on who did what, and what mistakes they made. As an adult, common sense can guide you: Respect for their elders and the law is their best shield to getting arrested in the first place. Being quiet and humble, and not offering incriminating information is the next. Even if they do end up being arrested, these actions will help alleviate further trouble.

The information Skip gave above is important for the kids to know, and maybe engaging them by giving examples of people you know, or articles in the newspaper or items on the news can be an opening. But, most of my husband's conversations with my sons were about avoiding arrest in the first place:

•If you talk to the police, be respectful, polite, and courteous. Do not call them names.

• Be calm.  Don’t jump to conclusions or think the situation is better (or worse) than it is.

• If you are asked for your name or for identification, or the name, address or phone number of your parents, provide it.  (Your child does not have a right to be anonymous, and you will want the police to know how to locate you.)

• If asked for information about a car or other vehicle you are driving, provide it. (There is no right to keep this secret.)  If asked only for information about something in which you are certain you are not involved, like a traffic accident to which you are a pedestrian bystander, then provide an accurate answer limited to what you saw–not what you think about it.

Cooperation and respect go a long way. The best time to explain this to your child is before an arrest or police interview.
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« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2013, 06:13:26 PM »

A little more about my own experience, when my BPD wife accused me of assault... .

The officers who came were very professional - polite, respectful, and clear.  The talked with each of us separately, and later their report showed my wife's story kept changing, so they knew she wasn't telling the truth.  My kids also told them what happened, and it was what I said.  And they found physical evidence.  So they knew for sure she was lying.

But... .they still arrested me anyway.  They had to - their procedure required them to.  They told me, "We're not the judge.  We have to make an arrest and file charges based on what your wife said on the 911 recording.  You can see a judge tomorrow and tell her what happened."  Which is what happened - overnight in jail, then the judge released me, and later, when the police report was finished, the charges were dropped.

What did I learn from this... .?

Well first, it was clear that nothing I could have said would have prevented me from being arrested, because the accusation is considered "probable cause".  This is not right, in my view - probable cause should mean evidence, not just an accusation.  But in my state - and others too I think - that's how it is, and arguing about it won't do any good.  Anything I said could only make things worse, and would not change the fact that I was going to be arrested.  That wasn't clear at the time - the officers cuffed me and then asked me a bunch of questions, and I answered them truthfully, and it didn't come back to bite me, because the evidence proved I hadn't done what she said.  But what Skip is saying - answering basic information and being respectful - was the right thing to do.  Answering more questions did me no good and could have made things worse.

Second, the whole experience was very unpleasant - cuffed, booked, printed, in a holding cell overnight - but it didn't kill me.  The only real interaction I had with others there was trying to sleep and being told, "Yo white man you snoring!".  I was very, very glad to get out.  But I was safe and it was only 16 hours - would have been less if I had been arrested earlier in the day before the judge went home.  Panicking wouldn't have made things better and might have made things worse.

Finally, if someone I know thought he might be arrested, I would suggest he find an attorney fast - a criminal defense attorney - and see if there is a way to prevent the arrest, or minimize the hassle.  I think if the alleged crime isn't too serious, it might be possible to work something out, so he can be charged without being arrested - go with his attorney to the police station or courthouse and handle it without cuffs or jail.  Or maybe even avoid charges.

We have a tendency to put our head in the sand and hope something goes away.  Dealing with it by finding an attorney before you're arrested might make things better.
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« Reply #8 on: October 24, 2013, 11:15:26 AM »

One correction -- I am a criminal defense attorney in a Southwestern state in the U.S.

In the United States your silence CAN NEVER be used against you.  You have a constitutional right to remain silent.  A prosecutor cannot use your silence to suggest guilt.  No matter what -- whether you have been arrested or not -- the best course of action is to refuse to speak to the authorities unless an attorney is present.

Police officers will often suggest that a person is not under arrest and therefore fail to give Miranda warnings.  However, most sane people do not feel that they can walk away from an officer.  The best question to ask is "may I leave?"  If an officer says "no" then don't speak to them.  If they say yes, walk away, slowly and calmly.  The only information you must ever give to an officer is your true name, and your license/id and insurance card.
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« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2013, 08:07:11 AM »

 Remember, this call is being recorded and will be heard by the prosecutor.  

You might be able to visit him - probably a video-visit not face-to-face.  :)on't discuss the case or what happened - the visit will be recorded and will be reviewed by the prosecutor, so anything he says is going right to the prosecutor's ears.  If he starts to talk about what happened, cut him off and say, ":)on't talk about that with anybody except your attorney."  Your purpose in visiting him, or taking his phone calls, or exchanging letters, should be to support him as a person, not to discuss the case.  (Letters will also be opened, copied and given to the prosecutor.)  No discussion of the case at all, just how he's doing, and that you are there for him.

I didn't know that! Very important information here, thanks Matt.

  The only real interaction I had with others there was trying to sleep and being told, "Yo white man you snoring!". 

Don't mean to have a laugh at your expense Matt... .but that is funny. Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Be proactive - teach your child how to deal with an arrest.

Yeah but how can this be raised with them?  My youngest are 15 and 17 - how can I just say, out of the blue, "Hey kids - let's talk about getting arrested!"?


Just watch an episode of "Cops" with them and put it on pause after the first 3 minutes.  Then discuss how the interactions affected the outcome, what mistakes the accused made, what to do differently, etc... .Bring up points by asking ":)id you know... ."

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« Reply #10 on: October 31, 2013, 04:51:54 PM »



On the issue of bail:

Generally, resist the urge to "teach him a lesson" by leaving him in jail. Leaving anyone in jail until the case is resolved is rarely a good idea. Getting a child back to school or work so that they can help defray their legal expenses can be an important factor in mitigating any damage the child has done to himself or herself.

1. When bail is determined and set.

While the Eighth Amendment of the Constitution protects individuals from "excessive bail", in practice that means different things for different people, as well as for different offenses. Judges ordinarily set a bail amount at a suspect’s first court appearance after an arrest, which may be either a bail hearing or an arraignment. Judges normally adhere to standard practices (for example, setting bail in the amount of $500 for nonviolent petty misdemeanors). However, judges can raise or lower the standard bail, or waive bail altogether and grant release on the defendant's "own recognizance," or O.R., based on the circumstances of an individual case.

2. Deciding whether to post the bail yourself or to buy a bond.

You do not need a lawyer to arrange for bail. You can either post cash bail personally (sometimes the court accepts checks or even credit cards) or phone a bail bond seller and arrange for a bond. You, other ruelatives or friends can go to a jail or court and post cash bail for your child or purchase a bond from a bail bond seller.

If you don't have the money to post bail, you may be able to purchase a bail bond instead, which is usually handled through a bail bondsman who will post your child's bail for you in exchange for a fee (usually around 10 percent of your bail). For example, if the bail is set at $2000, a bail bond agent will probably charge you $200. You may have to put up some collateral or some other guarantee to convince the bondsman that your child will show up for court.

The difference between bail and a bond is, if you post bail yourself, you will get your money back when your child appears on time for court. If you pay a bail bondsman, you will not get that money back, because it's a fee for his services.

3. Paying the bond with Cash or Credit Cards or going on a payment plan.

Bail can be paid with cash, check, property, a bond, or a waiver of payment on the condition that your child appears in court at the required time. A bail bond is like a check in reserve that represents the person's obligation that they will appear in court when required to. This is usually purchased by payment of a nonrefundable premium—often 10 percent of the amount of the bond.

Bail bond companies do take cash as payment, generally in advance of service. However, paying for a bail bond with a credit card may be the most convenient form of payment for the client and the bondsman.

According to Tonya Page (of familybailbonds.com), paying by credit card is the quickest way to expedite the bail process and thereby get the defendant out of jail faster. With a credit card payment, bail bond payment and paperwork can be completed by email or fax, and her clients find that they can arrange bail without coming to her office. This convenience helps them avoid going out late at night or taking time off work to complete the bail contract process. Paying for a bail bond by credit card often is the best option for parents of college students or anyone who lives far away. 

For some of us, even 10% of the bail amount presents a financial challenge - either we don't have a credit card or a large enough credit line to pay the bail bond fee. Some bail companies offer payment plan options to their clients, and a few charge interest on bail payments. Tonya Page suggests people look for an agent who offers interest-free bail financing, and make sure you know exactly what you're agreeing to before you sign.

You don't have to have a perfect credit to qualify for a payment plan. Generally, you need to have credit and use it responsibly. Several factors come into play for determining a payment plan: length of residency, employment and arrest history, ability to make payments and other factors. 

When you work with a bail bondsman to arrange a payment plan, try to be realistic about your budget; don't offer to pay $500 per month when you can only afford $250. The bail bond company will require you to make a down payment that represents a commitment to pay the remainder of the fee. 

What's most important is that the child (and parent) demonstrates a serious attitude about the situation. If the person charged fails to appear in court, then the person who signed the bail contract is liable for the entire bail amount. Never agree to bail someone out if you think that person may not return to court.

4. Qualifying, having multiple signers and why, and personal risks.

Bondsmen won’t agree to make bail for just anyone—they look at the very same factors, positive and negative, that judges consider in evaluating a defendant for bail. Also, bondsmen much prefer to have a co-signor to the bail contract. The co-signor is a relative or friend who promises to pay the entire amount of the bail (reimbursing the bondsman for the surety bond), if your child fails to show up in court. The bondsman is a surety to the court, and the co-signor is a surety to the bondsman.

If your child fails to show up for court at the appointed time, there will be consequences. Usually, a bench warrant is immediately issued for their arrest. If it is believed that he/she has left the state, a federal warrant can be issued for their arrest for fleeing to avoid prosecution.

If you, a family member or friend posted your child's bail, that money will be confiscated and never returned. If you paid a bails bondsman, the bonding agent can send a bounty hunter across jurisdictional lines to capture him/her.

www.blogs.findlaw.com/blotter/2009/05/how-is-bail-set-in-a-criminal-case-bail-for-suspect-in-justin-jinich-murder-raised-to-15-million.html

www.crime.about.com/od/Crime_101/a/The-Bail-Stage-Of-A-Criminal-Case.htm

www.crime.about.com/od/Crime_101/a/The-Bail-Stage-Of-A-Criminal-Case.htm

www.familybailbonds.com/resources/paymentoptions.html

www.lawcollective.org/article.php?id=50
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Matt
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« Reply #11 on: October 31, 2013, 05:16:59 PM »

Generally, resist the urge to "teach him a lesson" by leaving him in jail. Leaving anyone in jail until the case is resolved is rarely a good idea. Getting a child back to school or work so that they can help defray their legal expenses can be an important factor in mitigating any damage the child has done to himself or herself.

I did this both ways, at different times, for different reasons... .

In one case, my son had been arrested for D U I - not his first - and I consulted an attorney with good insight about substance abuse.  He told me they would let him out in about a week anyway , and the time in jail might interrupt his drinking, and make it less likely he would get in more trouble right away.  So I left him in jail, which was difficult but looking back I'm sure it was the right thing to do.

Another time he had been in jail a few weeks, and was looking at several months til his trial on felony charges.  This time the attorney said it would be best to post bond, so he could work and assist in his own defense.  So that's what I did.  But my son relapsed in a few days, and was busted by his probation officer.  I got the bond back and he went back to jail.  There's only so much that any of us can do... .
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« Reply #12 on: November 01, 2013, 07:30:29 AM »

Thanks for this thread. Learned so much reading it.

My BPDSD22 is doing pretty well these days. After very protracted period of unemployment she found a server job and she is making bank!

A few weeks ago we found out (when she went in for scheduled renewal) that her driver's license had been suspended. It cost her a bundle to get it reinstated but she worked through it over a week's time.

During that time she was "eligible" to be arrested for driving with a suspended license. I was (yeah, I admit it) appalled when her Dad (we call him  ":)addy E" for enabler  ) stated he would do what he had to do to get her out of jail if this happened. His point- she would lose her job if arrested. And that is correct... .the positives of her working far outstrip any lesson she would learn if she were arrested. The financial set-backs from this are great natural consequences without her possibly being left in a situation that would compromise this hard fought for employment.

Since she has already been arrested as a juvenile I have a perfect opening to speak with her about not giving information to police if she were ever arrested again.

Good information! Many thanks!

Thursday
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