Need Guidance

[Garpsish]

Hey guys just found this place and unfortunately seems i could have used it alot sooner as im now in the aftermath of a failed relationship, Im really not sure what it is im looking for but its been around a month since we split and i've been going through the motions, at this point in time i dont think its gona help me to disclose to much, but what i will say is we split kinda mutual we knew it was for the best and we are trying to maintain a friendship, now she's seems to be coping with it alot better than me and im happy for her, now im struggling with the friendship when i see her its great she brightens my day but afterwards i always have a feeling of loss sometimes i can shake it off others i cant, i still have alot of things i never got to say the break was abrupt no chance for communication just cut off that's how i knew things where diffrent this time and deep down we had spoken enough previously that i knew i had to walk away, If you truely love someone you'll let them go right ? Still tore me to pieces my head and my heart where at war with eachother I'm thinking of writing a letter nothing to deep or emotional just getting a few things out in the air mainly its about forgiveness and partly so i dont carry the burden of never saying whats inside would like to hear your thoughts on this is it to soon i know she is gona let go alot faster than me maybe the sooner i say it the better is it even a good idea to drag it up for her again i dont want to bring her down im sure she has enough of her own struggle's going on anyway thanks if you took the time to read and if you can shed any light please do thanks Garpsish

[Garpsish]

She's the strongest person i know and she would never show it but i have a feeling she's hurting inside and i dont wona make things worse im gona take some time out heads doing backflips gona relax hope someone out there has some advice for me.

[strikeforce]

... .She seems to be coping a lot better... .

They are masters at putting on a false front. Deep down she is just as damaged and hurt as she always has been.

There is no point in sending that letter. She is mentally ill and it will be a waste of time.

The best thing to do is write your feelings down but NOT send the letter. Writing it all down will help get it out our system.

The only way for you to heal and get back on your feet is to run and not look back. Keeping her in your life is only going to cause pain.

[Garpsish]

Dude i hear ya but your sounding abit abrupt and quick to judge here yes she may have mental illness but i to have suffered my own share although not the same i would not abandon her and dump her out of my life she needs support to get better a chronic symptom of BPD is fear of abandonment the last thing i wona do is reinforce that, look dude im not angry at your response and i respect your decision but i still love and care about this girl and im not the kinda guy who's gona run away from that i told her id be there for her always regardless if stayed together or not and i meant it all feelings aside i got her back always. 

[Ironmanrises]

Garp... .

If she indeed has BPD... .

(We are only assuming here based on what you said... .)

She will/most likely have perceived... .

In her mind... .

That you have/and or will abandon her... .

Regardless.

That is the nature of the disorder.

Hang in there.

I know it hurts.

[strikeforce]

Dude i hear ya but your sounding abit abrupt and quick to judge here yes she may have mental illness but i to have suffered my own share although not the same i would not abandon her and dump her out of my life she needs support to get better a chronic symptom of BPD is fear of abandonment the last thing i wona do is reinforce that, look dude im not angry at your response and i respect your decision but i still love and care about this girl and im not the kinda guy who's gona run away from that i told her id be there for her always regardless if stayed together or not and i meant it all feelings aside i got her back always. 

I didn't mean to come across abrupt but I did the exact same thing, promising to be there for her ect

If you are her enabler then you may be causing her more harm than good.

Sometimes getting away for good is for her sake as much as it is for yours.

I don't judge anyone, and if you want to be there for her then your a decent guy.

I was angry at the response I got when I first joined, now looking back It saved my sanity.

[Garpsish]

Much love Bro im sorry for your loss i really am but glad you found peace with it im sure your a great guy or you wouldnt be posting here anyway 

[strikeforce]

Much love Bro im sorry for your loss i really am but glad you found peace with it im sure your a great guy or you wouldnt be posting here anyway 

Im still in love with her. She still texts me often. I could block her if I wanted to but I still care.

If I could cure mine I would take her back in a sec.

Its all really down to individual situations on how to deal.

I can be abrupt but only because I don't want to see people getting hurt. 

[Garpsish]

Sometimes its the best approach defo got emotions stiring i think i got nothing to lose writing to her but just keep things chatty positive and i just want to make it clear that i hold no sour feelings for things that where said and done i never blamed her for the things she would do or say and think.

Its cool that you still keep min contact with your girl i hope your both doing well in your life's !

[strikeforce]

Sometimes its the best approach defo got emotions stiring i think i got nothing to lose writing to her but just keep things chatty positive and i just want to make it clear that i hold no sour feelings for things that where said and done i never blamed her for the things she would do or say and think.

Its cool that you still keep min contact with your girl i hope your both doing well in your life's !

Exactly my feelings too. I don't blame her for anything either. Deep down she was a decent person.

I keep things at a distance to avoid being hurt, although I have to guard against any recycling attempt.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey guys just found this place and unfortunately seems i could have used it alot sooner as im now in the aftermath of a failed relationship, Im really not sure what it is im looking for but its been around a month since we split and i've been going through the motions, at this point in time i dont think its gona help me to disclose to much, but what i will say is we split kinda mutual we knew it was for the best and we are trying to maintain a friendship, now she's seems to be coping with it alot better than me and im happy for her, now im struggling with the friendship when i see her its great she brightens my day but afterwards i always have a feeling of loss sometimes i can shake it off others i cant, i still have alot of things i never got to say the break was abrupt no chance for communication just cut off that's how i knew things where diffrent this time and deep down we had spoken enough previously that i knew i had to walk away, If you truely love someone you'll let them go right ? Still tore me to pieces my head and my heart where at war with eachother I'm thinking of writing a letter nothing to deep or emotional just getting a few things out in the air mainly its about forgiveness and partly so i dont carry the burden of never saying whats inside would like to hear your thoughts on this is it to soon i know she is gona let go alot faster than me maybe the sooner i say it the better is it even a good idea to drag it up for her again i dont want to bring her down im sure she has enough of her own struggle's going on anyway thanks if you took the time to read and if you can shed any light please do thanks Garpsish

I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out, it is always painful when something we had our heart invested in ends.

Honestly there is nothing in this post that suggests traits of borderline personality disorder, so I'm curious how you found this site?  Do you connect with other posts?  Have you read the Articles here?  There's a lot of support here from people who have experience with relationships with borderlines; how about you share some more about her personality and yours and how you two interacted in the relationship?

[Garpsish]

She was diagnosed with BPD 6 years ago has been having therapy for some time but also has other disorders that contribute and actually make it worse beleive it or not she is an amazing person and i wish i could make it all go away for her i thought i could at first but these are her demons and our relationship was distracting her from her recovery its sad but i had to let her go so she could heal and become the person she was born to be she means the world to me and if her recovery means we cannot be so be it  :'(

[Garpsish]

It was a mutual break and we agree it was for the best, the blame does not lie with her we both played our part in it i just wish i knew her the way i do know and the understanding ive found her trust was broken through fantisies thought up in her mind eventually it broke me i suffer with life long depression myself so eventually i broke became depressed and everything became abit toxic and was helping neither of us we just didnt want to let go we had broke up several times over the months leading up to this final break nothing was said and we didnt contact for two weeks apart from the odd txt: "i hope your ok and your looking after yourself" that kinda thing but this is why i feel the need for the letter because i just switched off my heart couldnt take it anymore and there are alot things i never got to say.

[Garpsish]

The last time we spoke face to face i told her id always love her and she said it back but i cant she sure if she meant it or not or was just being gentle we hugged and parted ways not having her in my arms kills me everyday but i can see i just couldnt be strong enough for her she deserves better! i wish i could give her the life she deserves, I'm currently seeking therapy for my issue's and have my first session very soon, losing her has made me realise im not as strong as i thought and ive been running from myself my entire life she has shown me how to take life head on and come out fighting and i have her to thank for me finally taking the steps to seize control of my life and make one worth living i wanted nothing more than her to be a part of it, who knows fate might bring us together again one day if it is meant to be.

now i feel ive said to much going offline because im now feeling very lovesick again please feel free to share if you have any simular experiances ill check in again tc peeps and wishing you all the best 

[ShadowDancer]

Garpsish,

What I understand in reference to your opening post "If you love something you let it go" is true and noble. With these individuals, if it comes back... .that just means nobody else wants it.

Read up about recycles young man, and tighten the safety belt, the ride is only beginning.  

[Garpsish]

I Know i need to move on but i just cant let go, i just want the pain to stop sometimes i find myself thinking/obsessing about her all the little things that make her so special to me i was aware it was never gona be easy but i see past her flaws and the person inside is the most genuine,honest,caring person you would ever meet, we where so alike yet our diffrences strengthened eachothers weakness i dont know how it all went wrong there are to many factors the mind cant comprehend and i cant obsess about it anymore its been a month of hell and im tired.

[ShadowDancer]

I KNOW it all is much more confusing and confabulated than you are able to post right now. That's cool.

Super good idea to look out for yourself for awhile and get your rest. A therapist is a WAY good idea too. Good move.

This BPD stuff will tire you out.

[bruisedbattered]

my xBPDgf ended up raging and physically attacking me in public.  It ended her being strapped down in an ambulance and taken away, and myself/many witnesses being questioned by police.   Lucky for me there were many witnesses to back up "my version".    She brought me to hell, and I still gave her another chance afterwards only to get sucked back into her emotional volcano... .   How bad does it have to get before you go NC?   How far are you willing to self-destruct?  I,  we have all tried to save/help them, but we cannot.   Its like trying to rescue a drowning Cobra... .  its thoughtful, but you will get bitten and suffer the consequences.  save yourself.