well, the whole push/pull thing in regards to intimacy is really the ultimate conunmdrum with these people.
For 8 years, I was on the pedastal (when she wasn't having raging episodes) and all I heard was how much she wanted to marry me, when can she start using my last name, what we're going to be like as parents, and as soon I made it in my artistic career, we would then have the money to make our dream of a family come true.
Well, we got married in August 08. My artistic career had a HUGE succsess this past spring. Our dreams becoming reality were right at the precipice.
It's now 5 1/2 months since she left. She claims she hates me, I abused her, we had an unhealthy marrige which she luckily escaped from, she never wanted to marry me, I'm a narssisist because all I think about is my career, etc. We signed divorce papers in July and are just waiting for the judgment to come back. I no longer know where she lives, what she does or WHO she does it with. She is a total stranger.
And I never saw it coming. I mean I NEVER SAW IT COMING. It was like, one day, the switch flipped and I was the worst thing that ever happened to her.
I still can't quite believe it. Thanks to NC and the great support I get out here on these boards, I'm starting to come to terms with what happened to me and put the visciousness of her leaving behind me.
So, don't beat yourself up because you can't figure it out. These people have triggers that none of us could ever see or really have known about. Once they go off... well, they go off.
And all we can do is try to survive in the aftermath of their eruptions
From the heart... .
I hear this so loud I should have wrote it, I'm nearly 4 month out still get triggered sometimes to anger, still have some of her poison in me. When I read this I actually laughed out loud, they are soo crazy, I had NO IDEA who she really was, so no idea what she was doing or being. My thoughts are with you, good luck
