no contact

[mitchell16]

its been 4 months since the split over 2 about 2 month since we was intimate and ive lost track of her last attempt.A few weeks at best. But being NC has really made the diffrence. Ihave stepped out of the dark and im into the light. I feel better, Im feeling like my old self again. I no longer obssess about her or what she is doing or who she is doing it with. In short, I couild careless anymore. and it feels good. I realy feel that I was losing my mind when with her. It was being NC and standing by it thsi time that got me out of this BS so I could see it more clearly. I wish her well, but she deserve in my opinion everything she gets in life. I hope to never see her, hear about her, hear from her. and I really does feel good.

for the ones that are struggling with nc it is hard I know, I struggled with it for awhile but if you stick with it you will get over this and you can an dwill get your old life back and leave them to their misery. You cant help them or save them but if you keep trying you will be the one that needs saving as they move on to the next victim while laughing at you. this is my opinion.

[allweareisallweare]

I am 2 months plus of no contact - I suspect and still suspect I am painted black since the exDBPDgf torrented me with abuse when I told her a few things, nothing nasty, but also that I had been on a date (which was no doubt, two months ago, the reason for her texting, silent calling my brother) anyway, I got a silent call tonight - I'm thinking it's likely her since the number can't be recounted when I dial in the service, plus... .she could crawl back one day as no doubt the BPD rebound has ended disastrously so I brace myself - it's not easy, Mitchell, buddy - our conditions are completely different from theirs. I was struggling like you wouldn't believe, had a complete breakdown yesterday since this is the toughest stage of my adult life generally, BPD breakup or otherwise... .and though I keep saying I hate the person, which is probably true since I don't trust/love/need/ the ex, still, I'm thinking how I'd react if contact was initiated from her end - I expect I would speak - I've got lots to say, even if it would be an emotional conversation - but they're all along the lines of her condition, which I never ever properly realised until the breakup, thus never understood it whilst in the context of experiencing the relationship, and now such a breakup has been induced by this terrible disease - a fact I've been carrying around in my guts for three months now - I'd still think that she should know that ... .I am very equipped on the BPD aspects thanks in no small part to this forum and that there's no way back to togetherness etc you know, the usual!

Keep calm, be strong, we're all in this together... :!

[Surnia]

  mitchell

Good to hear from you again - and this are quite good news! 

Sometimes I think, this is one of the live rules - the first steps are hard and if you are consistent and keep going, you are reaching a certain point and after that it goes easier.

Thank you so much for sharing it. 

[mitchell16]

Surnia, Thanks. I really feel better. Im not back to like I was before all of this. Bt Im on the right road. NC when they start pecking is very hard. You have feelings for them, you love them and they know all the right words to say. But the most important thing I started thinking about was action vs words. actions always speak louder. I reliazed that what she said didnt mean a thing it was all in her actions. which I got very little of. once I started NC and maintain it and thinking about her actions and not her words. It just got easier. Im in a real good place now. Not to say that I dont have a few bad days here and there. But for the most part im over the hump. My biggest regrets is the wasted time in my life. I wasted a few years almost 3. You can never get those back, but you can the future ones count.

[Perfidy]

Been a bit tougher for me. Finally starting to taste my freedom. Almost eight years of shame. Still have a ways to go yet bit greatly improved. The sadness is lessening. Changed forever. Might have been worth it. Ill find out. My will to live is getting stronger. Really sucked.

[Surnia]

Hi mitchell

But the most important thing I started thinking about was action vs words. actions always speak louder. I reliazed that what she said didnt mean a thing it was all in her actions. which I got very little of. once I started NC and maintain it and thinking about her actions and not her words. It just got easier.

I have to pin point this, bc it could be interesting for other members here.

About the waisted time: I can relate with this feeling. Would it help to reframe this though a bit as: It was a lesson to learn about healthy and unhealthy relationships. It took me a bit longer to grasp, now I got it.

[frag1911]

Congrats!  Great to hear.

Perfidy, I gotta say, don't feel the shame!  It's past, it's gone.  Go for the Gold!  Happiness, relief.  It doesn't suck at the end of the rainbow.

I gotta say, that I'm just waiting for my uBPDso to move out.  She's packing.  She's gone.  No, I'm not planning a party, but it's a close kinda thing to that. 

For over a year, I've had to live with my own anxieties and physical reactions to her.  Realizing she would get home from work soon, my chest would get tight.  The same as I was nearing home from my own drive.  Having to "hide" my emotional abuse support group contacts.  Dealing with her attitude and body language because my homework was taking time away from her, even though that time was her falling asleep with her head pillowed on my lap as my butt or leg got numb.

I'm looking forward to my escape and relief.  Maybe I will have some for of insane relapse and think about taking her back (or in her mind, she will take ME back), but I'm not imagining that happening.  I can even imagine her continued attacks via Facebook; but I do have friends who are monitoring her for me. 

Oh well, live goes on, you find the nugget in the rocks as you go.

[Fenghuang]

I have been NC for a few years.

It is hard on everyone - for us more so at the start.

While I would like to say post recovery is all roses, it is honestly a lot of work. You will spend far more time thinking about things than you ever thought possible.

On the bright side - This personal growth can only occur because the "walking on eggshells" has stopped, the reality that you once knew starts to return and you go through your own recovery.

I won't say you go back to who you were pre-BPD experience as I don't think that can ever happen, but you will have an opportunity to forge a new and improved you.