uBPD ex doesn't seem to understand anything that I say anymore?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

From my research with BPD, ambiguity is something that they have issues with. Since my uBPD left. I try to communicate in a clear and concise matter (without ambiguity) but often she replies and says "please be clear" so much so since she left with the replacement.

I was defensive in our relationship and tried so many times to reason logic with her. Knowing what I know now, I do neither. I accept the fact that it is what it is. I don't engage, defend my position or try to reason. But it seems like she gets confused and will ask to me be clear again?

Maybe it's something that I didn't notice while we were together due to the high conflict and emotions when we engaged? But I have noticed there is a significant difference. Has someone else experienced this? An ex or family member comprehension skills lessen?

[Mutt]

From my research with BPD, ambiguity is something that they have issues with. Since my uBPD left. I try to communicate in a clear and concise matter (without ambiguity) but often she replies and says "please be clear" so much so since she left with the replacement.

I was defensive in our relationship and tried so many times to reason logic with her. Knowing what I know now, I do neither. I accept the fact that it is what it is. I don't engage, defend my position or try to reason. But it seems like she gets confused and will ask to me be clear again?

Maybe it's something that I didn't notice while we were together due to the high conflict and emotions when we engaged? But I have noticed there is a significant difference. Has someone else experienced this? An ex or family member comprehension skills lessen?

[charred]

My exBPDgf was highly educated, and high functioning... .most the time. So long as the subject was something non-personal/non-threatening, she seemed like anyone else. However, when it was about us, about issues we argued over or anything that she was dsyregulated over... .I noticed she acted pretty peculiar. It was like a loop, she would go through a cycle of working up to being furious... while not only not listening to what was said, but supplying her own (wrong) answers to anything she would say. Heard BPD is kind of a stunted emotional development disorder, and that she therefore would have been stuck at some early stage... whatever the issue was, it was like she was stuck... and kept acting out the same thing over and over... .almost like a bit of a trance... because she wouldn't interact normally. Made me try to avoid setting her off, which made things worse.

My pwBPD tried to use words precisely... but had trouble drafting a note to someone (like asking a merchant for  refund)... she would write it so over the top formal it was ludicrous... only in education could she have gotten a doctorate... .anyway... I don't know if the trance like thing is anything like what you meant, but it was odd to me.

[alliance]

They understand just fine. It's a control thing and a baiting thing.

[ShadowDancer]

They understand just fine. It's a control thing and a baiting thing.

I agree with this. They understand just fine. They enjoy your squirm.

[Mutt]

They understand just fine. It's a control thing and a baiting thing.

I agree with this. They understand just fine. They enjoy your squirm.

I give my ex her distance. I've stopped talking about the marriage/relationship months ago because it's not something that she wants to discuss. I'm assuming it's because of the guilt/shame that she feels about her affair and walking away. If I mention any of those things, it's anger and blame. The subjects at hand between me and her are about the kids, and it doesn't even seem like she can grasp organizing dates and times in her messages. It's an e-mail! Scroll down and read what you wrote!


Control & baiting makes sense. I've known her for 8 years. She's been gone for 10 and there were long periods were we didn't talk or it was to the point. This is a behavior I have only seen a few times during out r/s, but never as often. She would say "your not being clear" to me once when we were together, but now she'll say it up to 3 times in an e-mail. I used to get frustrated at her and reply back angrily, but I've stopped doing that.

I'm glad that I came here and asked. I never would of guessed. But man, the games that she plays