Has anyone been recycled before?

[Pearl55]

If any of you are involved in a long term marriage and you've been recycled if you wanted to be out, could you please share your stories that how HOW LONG ther try to be super sweet, loving, caring... .?

Couple of weeks? Couple of months or a year? How long after 1st explosive rag appeared?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

Hi Pearl55

Although I don't fit the category of a long term marriage, I think it's probably safe to say that it's anybody's guess as to how long the idealization lasts before devaluation appears.  Every relationship is different with each partner (including us) bringing their own 'stuff' into it.

If the pwBPD is untreated, it will go back and forth with a whole lot in between.  And if we don't have an understanding of what's going on with our partners and ourselves, we can add a lot to the conflicts.

Are you suggesting that you wanted to end the relationship but have been drawn back in?

[ugghh]

Married 25 years, but in process of divorce. In my case in the mid marriage years, say 10-20 the recycles lasted the longest, usually multiple months.   Between 20 and 25 years the duration decreased. 

However it was during that time that I really began to understand this disease and open my eyes to the games she was playing.

[Pearl55]

Yes unfortunately we married to games and our opponents!

[winston3]

I was in a 10-year long relationship/friendship and I was recycled a total of 10 times... .about once a year. Whenever she'd hit a depressive state, that was the alarm for me that she would take off.