Even Closure Isn't Closure

[Pretty Woman]

Still having issue with being discarded and replaced.  Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's the fact that its snowing like crazy and tonight would have been a great night to cuddle in bed.  

I really don't think I will ever hear from her again. That is good, I need to heal.  I'm just having a hard time with all the times I never thought I'd see her again and she would pop up on the radar.  This time she blocked me on FB, phone and email.  Acts like I am a stalker.  

And now is dating my former friend.  

I want to move on but I am afraid.  Afraid I will have to deal with her again.  I can't.  It will kill me inside.  Is this it? Is this not? The unknown is tormenting.  

[Waifed]

Earth Angel

You probably haven't heard the last from her. It is you job to build up the strength to resist her when she does make contact.

[Pretty Woman]

Waifed,

Thanks for your comments.  I am counting all if this as a blessing. Towards the end of this relationship I pulled away.  I was so depressed from the dumpings and demands.  Deep down I wanted an easier relationship.  I had become a caregiver and I wanted a girlfriend. 

My ex and I live 3mi apart and I was just seeing her Saturdays and maybe once during the week.  This is apparently what drove her into the arms of another woman.

In a normal relationship it's give and take but for her I couldn't have feelings, I couldn't feel depressed or sad... .ever. 

I couldn't be human. 

After this break one of her exes contacted me and told me this wasnt my fault.  They learned long ago she had demons and did not possess the capacity to be fully in love.  They also said she picked most of the fights and it was always her fault not my ex.

In our last conversation I told my ex an ex contacted me.  I told her I knew this wasn't me and she just isn't capable of a relationship. 

That drove her over the edge.  All of a sudden it's like I contacted all her exes and betrayed HER.

I truly believe I won't hear from her.  Six break (her leaving each time) in 18mo is enough. I think she knows I've found her out so she's on to the next victim.  I should be grateful.

[Ironmanrises]

Earth Angel

You probably haven't heard the last from her. It is you job to build up the strength to resist her when she does make contact.

The many accounts on here mostly point to reappearances by the pwBPD, almost each and every time, the non made a similar statement "I thought I would never hear from my expwBPD" and presto, contact. I thought mine would never return when she left the first time. And she did. And then left again. What is the chance she will contact me again based on that? Quite high. My ex is still disordered(undiagnosed), why would her behavior deviate from the come here/go away behavior she has exhibited since friendship? It won't. It didn't before, it won't now.

[Pretty Woman]

Ironman,

   You are a wise man.  I hope you don't think I'm not listening. Things just " feel" different.  I know she has a new toy to play with and then break.  I escaped the toy box. I am missing an arm, a leg and my pride but this "Barbie" has limped away from the scene of the crime.   

One of her parting lines were " you are not like my other exes you betrayed me by telling others my life story (namely her new woman who was my friend and is so insecure what I told her is prob impeding their new "relationship".  I want nothing to do with you EVER.  I am gone from your life for good"

I truly believe she knows I have her number.  The only reason she would contact me is for revenge IMO. 

[Perfidy]

Earthangel... Something about closure that I want to share with you.

I received closure. Not from her. From me. Her brand of closure was getting into another relationship. That's the only closure I got from her. After going through the first stages of grieving... Shock and denial... Some bargaining where I allowed my self to foolishly be used as leverage in her new enterprise,then being smeared as a threat to her... .I figured this out. She means no good for me. She is a master manipulator. Why? Here's why... .Her life depends on it and she will stop at nothing because it is a means of survival for her to be in a relationship and she doesn't care who gets hurt along the way as long as it isn't her or her new employer. It's just business to her. Nothing personal.

So here is my closure. I don't need her to tell me now... I can see for myself. We are done. Case closed. Appeal denied. I can be the judge...

And friends now... ? No way bich. She flunked the friend test... Couldn't qualify. I pick my friends. I don't want her as a friend or enemy. She is one of six billion other strangers on this rock.

Here is my idea about a recycle with her... Remember when I was suicidal? Well... I'm not now... .Guess what... .It's just as much about survival for me too... .You see... We BOTH need me. I get me. I win.

[Ironmanrises]

Ironman,

   You are a wise man.  I hope you don't think I'm not listening. Things just " feel" different. I know she has a new toy to play with and then break.  I escaped the toy box. I am missing an arm, a leg and my pride but this "Barbie" has limped away from the scene of the crime.   

One of her parting lines were " you are not like my other exes you betrayed me by telling others my life story (namely her new woman who was my friend and is so insecure what I told her is prob impeding their new "relationship".  I want nothing to do with you EVER.  I am gone from your life for good"

I truly believe she knows I have her number.  The only reason she would contact me is for revenge IMO. 

Not really any different with mine in terms of it feeling different too. I have never been this far out in NC. Just a reflection of how close she got to me and me to her and her 2 sons; thus my banishment is in direct correlation to that. I will not be naive about it this time as I was first time around.

[Octoberfest]

The title of this thread really spoke to me.

I dated my dBPDexgf for 9 months.  Went to a few therapy sessions with her even, and her therapist told her, "<BPDex>, there isn't going to be another like Octoberfest. This is it".  She cheated throughout, and what finally ended things was I found out she was cheating yet again the week I moved home for the summer from college. I was in an awful way all summer.  First it was that she was getting a dog and talking about moving in with the guy she had been cheating with, whom she had known for 1.5 months at the time.  Then they were engaged at 2.5 months.  I got back to school and found out she had been also dating a guy she worked with, and that the engagement to my "replacement" was bogus.  Then she got engaged to the guy she was working with.  As of now, she is back in her hometown working and seeing a new guy there, and her and both of the guys since me are no longer friends with her on facebook.  I saw a picture just today of my BPDex, the newest guy, and one of my BPDex's friends that she met while we were dating (and who is a lesbian that my BPDex cheated on me with as well).  It was captioned "Here's to new beginnings".  It has been 7 months since I split with my BPDex and she has run through AT LEAST 3 new guys, and I have reason to believe at least one more than that.  Overlappingly of course, as is her style.  

I have to ask myself, when is enough enough? How many repetitions of new guys coming along and then getting tossed aside do I need to see in order to actually believe that IT ISN'T ME? 3 Should be plenty. My BPDex even offered me a little closure when I finally walked away from her.  She told me, "Forget about me.  I was never good for you.  You are so much better of a person than I could ever dream of being, and as sad as that is we both know it is true.  So just forget it ok.  Forget about all of the garbage I brought into your life and go be that amazing man that I know you are.  Can you do that for me?"

I got about as much closure as someone could ask for given the circumstances.  And I still linger... .which leads me to believe that I will only really find closure within myself, which is a hard and scary thing to do.  It is much easier to find the answer to your problem in someone or something else, to bury it in alcohol or a new relationship (hint hint- our BPDex's) than to search for it within oneself.

I think for me I need to really think about what I had in common, if anything with my BPDex.  Truthfully, I think the entire relationship was founded off the need we both had to have *someone*, nevermind who that someone was.  My BPDex and I used to joke that the only thing we did well was sex... .but it is more true than I think I would like to admit.  I was so desperate to have someone love me, to have a relationship for the first time ever (yeah... .a pwBPD was my first love), that I didn't much care who it was. And once I had tasted it I fought like hell to not let go.  I need to realize that I have value, and that I DO NOT need to settle for someone.

My BPDex is a sick puppy.  Healthy ones don't feel the need to date 3 people at once and lie about everything.  Healthy ones are respectable... .my BPDex is not.  I can do better, as all of us here can.

[winston3]

Yeah closure never feels like closure until you make it closure. AND THEN, EVEN STILL... .

Back when I didn't even know that I was just a victim of my ex's "cycles" I would try to be healthy... .you know - stay in shape, take care of myself, keep my chin up, and go out dating others. And it was just the way that she came back... .she was so much more alluring than the "common" new GF that I found. I always went back to my BPDex. I never thought that I would... .but I ALWAYS did. I even feel like I would again.

And yet, you don't know if your ex values you or their new "replacement" more. There is no way of knowing if it is a game or not. You can value someone that you find more, if you can get yourself back on your own two feet and go back out into the dating pool. Personally after going back so many times it is hard to even date anymore. My BPDex has imprinted on me. I'm encoded to like someone that looks and acts like her.

Others are urging me to change myself and to get out of my head. It's like residual manipulation having an effect on me... .causing depression and making it difficult to find anyone attractive.

[blurry]

Mine almost seems to know when I'm just starting to get involved with someone new, just as I finally start to move on, and mind you she has no way of finding out these things. Its almost like she has superpowers, or espn or something like that, and can read my mind.

Maybe its just coincidence, but that's what they do, they come back, like a fungus that you just finally  got rid of, and all of a sudden, it reappears

[winston3]

Mine almost seems to know when I'm just starting to get involved with someone new, just as I finally start to move on, and mind you she has no way of finding out these things. Its almost like she has superpowers, or espn or something like that, and can read my mind.

Maybe its just coincidence, but that's what they do, they come back, like a fungus that you just finally  got rid of, and all of a sudden, it reappears

That's totally what it's like! Like ESP! That's what I meant above.

[Pretty Woman]

I think I am having a hard time with the fact I feel like I pushed her into the other woman's arms. I was so glad she had new friends. I didn't think I was going to be replaced by one of them. One night she went out dancing with them and kept calling me to come out with them. It was 3am. I knew we were getting together the next day. I needed to rest.

I was so emotionally drained by her antics. I knew deep down she would leave me again. Sometimes I feel like I willed it to happen.

She is un-diagnosed but my therapist tells me she is a classic case. I wish I knew for sure.

I mean this last time she came over and said we should see other people. Immediately I knew I had been replaced. She had never done that before, calmly came over to break up. Granted she said afterwards I was her "best friend". Funny how in a week I am the worst thing that ever happened and she never wants to see me again.

[ucmeicu2]

Mine almost seems to know when I'm just starting to get involved with someone new, just as I finally start to move on, and mind you she has no way of finding out these things. Its almost like she has superpowers, or esp or something like that, and can read my mind.

Maybe its just coincidence

That's totally what it's like! Like ESP!

wow, same here!  i've seen this mentioned here and there before... .this apparent ESP is probably deserving of a new topic.

this has always seemed like a really important piece of the puzzle for me... .one difficult to explain or let go of.   it continually reinforced and eventually convinced me of her belief that we were very connected on a different level... .soulmates she would say!  and it made 'closure' hard; hard to see even if it was staring me in the face; hard to let go... .

there's no way, absolutely no way, she could have known what was going on in my life or my MIND.  (no social media connection, no mutual friends, etc  ~ even my best friend, who knew my xBPDgf wasn't good for me, found our "connection" with all the vast array of 'coincidences' compelling and fascinating) 

if it was just coincidence, well thats freaky.  and if it was more than coincidence, well thats even freakier.  this issue is one reason i surfed the web and found BPDfam, as well as some interesting info about Twin Flames, Near Twin Flames, etc. 

either way you slice it, it was quite strange!

[Octoberfest]

I think I am having a hard time with the fact I feel like I pushed her into the other woman's arms. I was so glad she had new friends. I didn't think I was going to be replaced by one of them. One night she went out dancing with them and kept calling me to come out with them. It was 3am. I knew we were getting together the next day. I needed to rest.

I was so emotionally drained by her antics. I knew deep down she would leave me again. Sometimes I feel like I willed it to happen.

She is un-diagnosed but my therapist tells me she is a classic case. I wish I knew for sure.

I mean this last time she came over and said we should see other people. Immediately I knew I had been replaced. She had never done that before, calmly came over to break up. Granted she said afterwards I was her "best friend". Funny how in a week I am the worst thing that ever happened and she never wants to see me again.

My BPDex told me she had a new friend a little over halfway through our relationship.  A girl she had met in one of her classes, and they got along really well! I was thrilled for her because the one girl friend she had made thus far in our town used her for her money and for her car, and I considered her a bad influence (HAH!).  How did it turn out? The new girl was the said lesbian, and my BPDex began cheating on me with her, all the while insisting they were only friends.  

They will find a way to do it if they are going to do it.  I was upset when my BPDex started working at a bar, because I thought it was an environment that was going to be conducive to her cheating.  Her T said, "If she's going to do it, her working in an office is just going to delay it happening.  Or working in the bar is only going to make it happen sooner".  It's true.  Playing the "well this wouldn't have happened if only I... ." game is futile and not fair to yourself- When these people want to cheat and to lie, they will find a way to do it.  My BPDex was dating 3 guys at once.  Me, who she was with every single day and night in our college town, a guy in another town an hour away who she saw 2-3 times in the 1.5 months she was dating up overlappingly, and her ex who was more of a f**k buddy back in her hometown who she never even broke up with when she came to my town for college (of course she told me she had.).

[Perfidy]

I don't even know when we broke up! How's that for lack of closure. I have chosen my "closure" date. March 21 this year. That is the day that she told me she was dating someone else and had been for months. All the while... .still playing "cute" with me. After almost eight years, I deserve better than that. So it's a guessing game. March 21 works for me. For her... .who knows? Probably not even her! She may have gone through her "closure" while we were still together. I can't know what was in her mind! I am not even sure about my own mind let alone hers! All I know is that she is out of my life now. I choose to keep it that way. I do not and will not speak to her... .for ME not her. I do not keep tabs on her in any form. I am still waiting for my heart to catch up with my head... It's been slow. I have had setbacks. As long as I stay in the here and now by keeping her out of it... I slowly get better. My head only has about a half a lap on my heart.

[Pretty Woman]

Rationally I get if she is going to cheat she is going to do it no matter what I do.

Weak boundaries.

She would always "dump" me and then go to the person.

She WAS cheating prior, whether emotionally or physically but she would come back and use the excuse "we were broken up".

Bullshizzle.

She is still signed onto the two lesbian meetup groups we belong to. Funny thing is she has never attended any of them without me even in the past. Last break she quit all those groups. A part of me thinks that's how she's keeping tabs on what I'm doing... .she can see what I am signed up for.

[Cardinals in Flight]

Still having issue with being discarded and replaced.  Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's the fact that its snowing like crazy and tonight would have been a great night to cuddle in bed.  

I really don't think I will ever hear from her again. That is good, I need to heal.  I'm just having a hard time with all the times I never thought I'd see her again and she would pop up on the radar.  This time she blocked me on FB, phone and email.  Acts like I am a stalker.  

And now is dating my former friend.  

I want to move on but I am afraid.  Afraid I will have to deal with her again.  I can't.  It will kill me inside.  Is this it? Is this not? The unknown is tormenting.  

I am right there with you Angel, ((Angel)).  My xg/f and I met and had our first date during Christmas, I thought she was soo generous when she bought small gifts for my entire family meeting them the first time.  She is generous, but later I would find out it was to 'make up for', or to ease her mind if she had been particularly nasty to me, which I always forgave.

It's the time of year, the fact that it was so neat having someone put me on a pedestal and tell me how amazing I was, until of course I was not 

Hang on girl, lots of here know how you are feeling.  I got up to clean house today, literally of everything she ever gave me, over three years time, lots of nastiness there's a lotta stuff too 

CiF

[Octoberfest]

I don't even know when we broke up! How's that for lack of closure. I have chosen my "closure" date. March 21 this year. That is the day that she told me she was dating someone else and had been for months. All the while... .still playing "cute" with me. After almost eight years, I deserve better than that. So it's a guessing game. March 21 works for me. For her... .who knows? Probably not even her! She may have gone through her "closure" while we were still together. I can't know what was in her mind! I am not even sure about my own mind let alone hers! All I know is that she is out of my life now. I choose to keep it that way. I do not and will not speak to her... .for ME not her. I do not keep tabs on her in any form. I am still waiting for my heart to catch up with my head... It's been slow. I have had setbacks. As long as I stay in the here and now by keeping her out of it... I slowly get better. My head only has about a half a lap on my heart.

I truly believe that we move on when we believe in our hearts that we deserve better. It is one thing to know something, it is another entirely to believe it... .I've known for the past 7 months that I've been split from my BPDex, and even longer than that extending into the time we dated, that I deserved better, someone who wasn't going to cheat on me and lie to me.  But I have yet to truly believe it, and that is the critical step.  Getting ever closer.

I was in the car this morning and the song "riding solo" by some hip hop artist came on.  A song all about being newly single, and being happy about it.  As I listened I realized that perhaps my greatest fear has been being alone- that as I mentioned in this thread, it wasn't losing my BPDex specifically, it was losing the love of SOMEONE.  When in reality, at 20 years old, there are so many good reasons to be single.  Like self-discovery.

Each and every day brings new blessings.

[Pretty Woman]

Good points, Everybody!


I have never been this cold and dissmissive to anyone in my life. That is what I struggle with. That, it the hard thing for me.

She has only been really cruel when there is a replacement. I am blocked from her FB but I have another account. The day after my replacement hooked up with her at her house her picture went from a roaring angry lion to a hotub with a sunset in the background.

I could always tell her moods by her profile pics.

I have decided not to check and save myself grief. I can only see her main pics and it does me no good.

[State85]

Earthangel,

You can go to her FB page and click on the "friends" tab, there you can uncheck the "newsfeed". This way anything she posts will not show up on your FB newsfeed. If you want to see what she is posting, you will have to actually go to her page. I've done this with my uDPDexgf. She has no way of knowing I can't see what she is posting.

Or just "defriend". Which for my ex was apparantly a big deal, we HAD to be FB friends... .go figure.

[Pretty Woman]

State,

  She blocked me. I only saw this on my other facebook account (I have two).

[Changingman]

4 year RS, 2 dogs ( of course ), year after year of saving her from all kinds of disasters, lying to me from the start to the end, didn't even know what BD was.

At the end she said to someone I know

I've just lost my best friend of the last 4 years

After what she put me through I understand if that is a friendship to her then she has NO idea what friendship is at all.

Lied to me about who she was, lied about infidelity, lied about her work abilities, lied to me at the breakup. I however found out very quickly about BPD and was astonished how exact the symptoms were. Exact, from her mum and dad to her hair colour.

I had access to her personal stuff I discovered, and had closure by seeing how exact her actions were to BPD. And how her new RS was going, what she had said to 'friends' and what she had said to her new RS. Just exactly the symptoms and exactly how our RS had started and progressed.

Other people are objects in her 'play'. No emotional content or empathy. No soul. Just emptied and replaced by chaos.

She'll be back because it isn't personal. It is pathological.

When they have grown tired hateful about their new Toy they will think of us and act on it because that is part of their problem.

Boring them into leaving us alone is the NC solution. They are empty of any identity so can only provoke and react, parasitical identity.

This is hideous work to rid ourselves of their poison and... .the poison that prevented us seeing them for what they are.

Bore them from your life

And have a nice day x

[Pretty Woman]

Oktoberfest (my favorite time of year!

I realize that my ex dumping me over stupid shiz is not normal. The fact when she was upset we could not talk it out, she would run away and if I tried to fix it (and panicked) she would block my number.

We are 38 (me) and 42 (her).

I would get so frustrated trying to communicate with her. It was just the craziest thing. This beautiful woman behaving like a stomping toddler wanting that candy bar on the top shelf.

It really wore me down emotionally and physically so much I started pulling away and she could see it.

I wanted to marry this woman but in reality I kept thinking, how can I buy a house with her and she runs off? What the heck would happen there? I couldn't trust her actions at all. She used to say my words did not match my actions... .

projection at it's finest.

[myself]

It really wore me down emotionally and physically so much I started pulling away and she could see it.

 Earth Angel, you were pulling away to find relief, to begin your healing. None of your actions are responsible for hers. Even if you had placed her in someone else's arms, it would be her choice to stay there and to do whatever. She made those moves, so that's on her, not you. Being worn down is NOT being in a healthy relationship.

She saw you pulling away and knew you'd seen behind the mask, that your eyes were at least partway open and that you were taking steps to preserve yourself and your wellbeing. Would you have made moves in the opposite direction of her if she was there for you, being more real and honest with you? Being the other half of a loving relationship? No. You're saying that you wouldn't. Toss in bad or no reciprocal communication and you end up where Even Closure Isn't Closure.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I, like many others here, am going through something similar.   If you can look within yourself and see past those projections, and still stand tall, and still feel you can share your love, than you're better off where you are and will be growing into an even better You as life goes on.  

[Changingman]

I met 2 girls in a relationship on Friday at a tin  house party and was chatting to one of them, I was with someone and was just being sociable. Her GF kept checking on her all night looking a bit anxious, I thought why? She's gay, I'm straight, I have a friend with me. One said about kissing another girl in a club and I said not great for your RS ( other girl looked a bit anxious ) I said be careful BPD in the scene, she said I've got that... .

My face must have given away my knowledge, she talked of lack of empathy and other BPD buzzwords... .

When she went to the toilet her friend said it was quite hard in the beginning but she could handle it. I wanted to cry for her, they had been together 4-6 months.

I said she must be careful of her heart and mental health, I almost had a breakdown.

Her BPD girlfriend went up to the girl I was with and started to use her as a proxy tool.

I was in a good mood and meant only love and therapy.

I could see the anxiety and denial so clearly.

So dangerous.

Keep my mouth shut soon, but I really wanted to talk to the BPDgf.

Please look after yourself Earth Angel, choosing you probably means you are an amazing, loving, giving person.

The corruption of goodness seems part of the condition.

[Pretty Woman]

Changing man,

  Thank you.  I like to think I am all those things.

Listen, this was my first same sex relationship.  I hadn't really dated in seven years.  My ex knew this.  It's hard for me not to blame myself a little. This was new to me.  She told everyone our arguments were lesbian drama but all my gay friends were like nu uh. I also though dating exes was a lesbian thing... .wrong again.

A part of me even wonders if she is a lesbian or if it's an identity issue for her due to her condition. 

I think she was intrigued because she was my first and then got bored with me. When I look back she was talking to three exes regularly during our time together... .even left me for one. 

[Changingman]

Changing man,

  Thank you.  I like to think I am all those things.

Listen, this was my first same sex relationship.  I hadn't really dated in seven years.  My ex knew this.  It's hard for me not to blame myself a little. This was new to me.  She told everyone our arguments were lesbian drama but all my gay friends were like nu uh. I also though dating exes was a lesbian thing... .wrong again.

A part of me even wonders if she is a lesbian or if it's an identity issue for her due to her condition. 

I think she was intrigued because she was my first and then got bored with me. When I look back she was talking to three exes regularly during our time together... .even left me for one. 

I hate this noramalising of their bulls***. Always us that is odd, why are we having these conversations. It's just obvious that it's hurtful and full of trouble. In the end they are sleeping with them.

They haven't a clue about anything significant, no depth to their talk, shallow as paint, not interested in anything other than their tiny little world.

My uBPDxgf wanted a woman to join us ( for her pleasure ). Even got me on the phone to an escort. She had no shape to her character or sexuality apart from make me feel something.

I guess if you can't have a RS with anyone, everyone is welcome to fill the void.

Do you think if you had Multiple Personality Disorder she would have cheated less.

Bless you all RSs are new and we trust the other person to not hurt us. We are such s**** for thinking that, I'm not her father, I can't control her... .

How about they take some responsability for their actions

X

[Ironmanrises]

Jay-Z's remix of the song "Cry" has this in its lyrics, relates to how we feel.

"Sh*t I'm a man with pride, you don't do ___ like that

You don't just pick up and leave and leave me sick like that

You don't throw away what we had, just like that"

[Pretty Woman]

Changingman,

  Again, we cannot rationalize how someone with the emotional maturity of a three year old thinks.

You know, it is really funny. When I first told my ex I liked her she was sheepish. almost shy like a little child. She used to have a picture on her fridge of her as a wee one. Same look, sheepish and bashful.

She looked at me like I was so amazing. Just love, love, love.

I don't think she looked at me like that after awhile. She stopped looking at me like that.  Then it became very controlling.

It's funny how our relationship changed.  I do love her but I am not sure if I loved the part of me she was mirroring or if I really loved HER? I am not sure who she really is.

[Changingman]

Changingman,

  Again, we cannot rationalize how someone with the emotional maturity of a three year old thinks.

You know, it is really funny. When I first told my ex I liked her she was sheepish. almost shy like a little child. She used to have a picture on her fridge of her as a wee one. Same look, sheepish and bashful.

She looked at me like I was so amazing. Just love, love, love.

I don't think she looked at me like that after awhile. She stopped looking at me like that.  Then it became very controlling.

It's funny how our relationship changed.  I do love her but I am not sure if I loved the part of me she was mirroring or if I really loved HER? I am not sure who she really is.

Yes who did we love?

Who are they?

The authentic self, what a phrase. My ex when she was on drugs and drink would decend into a mouth gurning, jittery, eyes bulging, lost... .like she was just pure Id. I hated it, she looked so crazy I'd have to take her home. That was the real her i think, all the false front gone, control turned off, pure uncontrollably cracked.

It was monsterious. That is what they are. Outside reflecting us, hidden from view

[ucmeicu2]

When I first told my ex I liked her she was sheepish. almost shy like a little child. She used to have a picture on her fridge of her as a wee one. Same look, sheepish and bashful.

She looked at me like I was so amazing. Just love, love, love.

I don't think she looked at me like that after awhile. She stopped looking at me like that.  Then it became very controlling.

It's funny how our relationship changed.  I do love her but I am not sure if I loved the part of me she was mirroring or if I really loved HER? I am not sure who she really is.

EA, even after 4 months on these boards i'm still blown away at the uncanny similarities in our stories as a group.  it's especially weird b/c to be DX'ed BPD one must meet 5 of the 9 criteria, leading to a possible 256 manifestations of the disorder.  yet, we don't read about 256 different manifestations!  it's seems mostly the same one over and over, with only slight variations.

in bold, She looked at me like I was so amazing. Just love, love, love.  ~ yes yes and more yes.  i can't help but ask myself if i am that shallow of a person.  what was it abt the way she looked at me that was so d*mned alluring?  she was, for me (in the idealization phase), the perfect mix of woman/child, feminine/tomboy, serious/playful, etc.  i was mesmerized by her.  i was truly addicted to her.  obsessed i guess you'd say.  she said we were soulmates and she started to actually convince me of it.  and then she shattered my heart into a million pieces.  now?  <sigh>  i'm actually physically sickened when i think about it all... .

trying to have a r/s with a disordered person is ridiculously impossible and i almost lost everything... .it's no exaggeration to say i barely escaped alive... .sometimes barely kept myself alive in this aftermath.  closure?  i don't need it anymore!  it's small fry compared to trying to just recover from the hellhole i went to with/because of her.

sorry if this turned to rant... .still trying so hard to process the whole damn 4 year experience.

[Changingman]

When I first told my ex I liked her she was sheepish. almost shy like a little child. She used to have a picture on her fridge of her as a wee one. Same look, sheepish and bashful.

She looked at me like I was so amazing. Just love, love, love.

I don't think she looked at me like that after awhile. She stopped looking at me like that.  Then it became very controlling.

It's funny how our relationship changed.  I do love her but I am not sure if I loved the part of me she was mirroring or if I really loved HER? I am not sure who she really is.

EA, even after 4 months on these boards i'm still blown away at the uncanny similarities in our stories as a group.  it's especially weird b/c to be DX'ed BPD one must meet 5 of the 9 criteria, leading to a possible 256 manifestations of the disorder.  yet, we don't read about 256 different manifestations!  it's seems mostly the same one over and over, with only slight variations.

in bold, She looked at me like I was so amazing. Just love, love, love.  ~ yes yes and more yes.  i can't help but ask myself if i am that shallow of a person.  what was it abt the way she looked at me that was so d*mned alluring?  she was, for me (in the idealization phase), the perfect mix of woman/child, feminine/tomboy, serious/playful, etc.  i was mesmerized by her.  i was truly addicted to her.  obsessed i guess you'd say.  she said we were soulmates and she started to actually convince me of it.  and then she shattered my heart into a million pieces.  now?  <sigh>  i'm actually physically sickened when i think about it all... .

trying to have a r/s with a disordered person is ridiculously impossible and i almost lost everything... .it's no exaggeration to say i barely escaped alive... .sometimes barely kept myself alive in this aftermath.  closure?  i don't need it anymore!  it's small fry compared to trying to just recover from the hellhole i went to with/because of her.

sorry if this turned to rant... .still trying so hard to process the whole damn 4 year experience.

Yes UCME

4 years like me. I'll be honest I'm amazed at my strength, to carry this horror. I didn't know BPD existed the whole time with her/it.

Nearly 5 months out. Listen to that phrase! Out of the asylum?

Like you I almost died/killed/mental breakdown/sexually destroyed/financially kaput/trust issues/depression/

4 years? It was like being in some dark horror story. My ex didn't cut but had blood running down her often, no suicide threats but drinking till dangerously destroyed, didn't know she was cheating but called sex... .therapy.

When I met her she was having sex with a to be father whose wife was 7 months preGnant! I assumed he was a s*** and using her, ha, she was poisoning his and the babies life.

Her best / only friend is the one recycling me. He has something, maybe the same. Her old boyfriend from 11 years ago ( 1 year, cheated 4 times on him, 1 termination, she can't have children but gets pregnant a lot )

I'm just in awe at this condition, so serious, so dangerous. Lord help us

.

Closure?

I'm with you, that is 0 to me, moving countries would be better.

Scares the s*** out of me that they are out there.


Closure?

Pandora is out of her box.