..now it's Character assassination

[Depression = 72% of members]

I went through a 14 month relationship with a man that had BPD. I could go through all the details. He delved in to drugs. I dealt with horrible rages. I was slapped, choked, stolen from. I was valued, devalued. I was split up, down, left and right. I was blamed for everything: his drug use, not caring. I was accused of cheating when in fact he cheated. I was accused of plotting to "abandon him." You name it, it happened.

I had the courage to FINALLY... .FINALLY break up with him on November 2nd... and what happened?

My ex put on facebook, a big long post that I abused him mentally, physically. He said I hacked his computer. He said I broke in his house. He said I did everything that he did!...

Then I got a call from my ex boyfriend, a man we will call bob, that owns a business in the local area. He said, "your ex came in the store recently." I said, "what did he say?" Bob said, "he asked why we broke up a couple years ago. He said, "tell me Rocknut drove you crazy like he did me. That will make me feel better about myself!""

you got that? He went to an old ex of mine and said that I drove his BPD ass crazy! I am just pissed beyond belief. I put up with my BPD boyfriend's crazy behavior and this is what I get! I don't understand... .

[Rocknut]

I went through a 14 month relationship with a man that had BPD. I could go through all the details. He delved in to drugs. I dealt with horrible rages. I was slapped, choked, stolen from. I was valued, devalued. I was split up, down, left and right. I was blamed for everything: his drug use, not caring. I was accused of cheating when in fact he cheated. I was accused of plotting to "abandon him." You name it, it happened.

I had the courage to FINALLY... .FINALLY break up with him on November 2nd... and what happened?

My ex put on facebook, a big long post that I abused him mentally, physically. He said I hacked his computer. He said I broke in his house. He said I did everything that he did!...

Then I got a call from my ex boyfriend, a man we will call bob, that owns a business in the local area. He said, "your ex came in the store recently." I said, "what did he say?" Bob said, "he asked why we broke up a couple years ago. He said, "tell me Rocknut drove you crazy like he did me. That will make me feel better about myself!""

you got that? He went to an old ex of mine and said that I drove his BPD ass crazy! I am just pissed beyond belief. I put up with my BPD boyfriend's crazy behavior and this is what I get! I don't understand... .

[Ironmanrises]

A calculated pre emptive strike against you. Projection and boundary busting taken to a sickening level. I am really sorry you had to experience that.

[necchi]

Sorry to read this... .

i know the feelings, been there done that, and in it right now over my head!

focus breathe it going to be alright... .

[maxen]

that's appalling. i'm sorry this is happening!

it sounds, though, as if bob knows the score?

[MrFox]

Sorry that you are having to deal with that.  It really sucks to know that they are out there doing that and getting away with it.  My exBPDgf has been on a nearly four month campaign of doing the same thing to me.  Long Facebook posts (rants) about how awful I was to her.  I have been accused of being a sociopath, a failure (disregard the fact that I run my own successful business), an alcoholic, suicidal, possibly dangerous to other people, and even hints that I'm a sexual predator. 

I know it is infuriating, I know it is hurtful, and you probably want to strike back.  The best advice is to ignore it.  Ignore every word coming out of his lying mouth.  I have come to learn that it is one more way for them to gain your attention.  It is a way to punish you.  It is a way for them to save face, you were the problem, not them.  And, it's a way for them to attempt to garner sympathy from others.

You can't control them, so ignore them.  I know it's really hard when you think they may be turning people against you.  However, I learned that the smart, good people around me didn't buy into her crap.  The ones that did don't deserve to be in my life anyway.  Also, it will end up biting them in the a$$.  My ex used her business FB page as one of her platforms.  Someone we mutually know informed me the other day that her business seems to have taken a bit of a hit lately.  My ex was blaming it on me, saying I was bad mouthing her around town (I haven't been).  The mutual acquittance said it was more likely the rants about me that have made people question her professionalism and her mental state.

Hang in there.  The storm will pass, you'll get through it.  Afterwards, you will be able to move on with life.  Your ex will still be exactly the same.  You win.   

[Learning_curve74]

Rocknut, it sounds like your exbf blamed you for everything and is continuing on that theme even after you've been broken up.

Part of BPD thinking is black and white, all or nothing type thinking. Since seeing shades of grey is very difficult for a BPDer, it's hard for him to see that people are not perfect, they're either perfect or scum to him. Since BPD behaviors are coping mechanisms, he finds it hard to accept responsibility since it would color him as "bad" or "evil", so he projects his failings onto the closest attachment which is/was you.

The "smear campaign" is often a BPD tool to convince others you're the "bad guy". Sometimes it backfires when people really know you and find the claims outrageous. It's more the people who don't really know you that can get fooled by it. It is perfectly understandable that you're angry about his behavior, any person would be. On the other hand, how bad do you feel the fallout will really be?

[Aussie0zborn]

That's terrible and I know how you feel. If you understand BPD you will see this is normal behaviour for them. Don't stoop down to their level and ignore it.

Apparently, I am a sexual predator, a wife basher, I take and spend all my wife's money, I forced her to sign over her house to me and so on and so forth. It took me two years to find out how she turned her mother against me... .she told her 84 year old mother that I accused the old gal of making sexual advances towards me. None of the above happened ofcourse but her enablers love hearing about it.

This just gives me strength knowing that I am the healthy one and she is repeating the cycle all over again with the new guy. I get the strength from knowing I'm not her victim any longer and by ignoring it and carrying your head high you will be the one coming out smelling like roses.

[LilMissSunshine]

Mine tried to bad mouthed me to anyone who would listen.  Most interesting was how he completely bashed an x gf of his.  She was supposedly the nastiest ever.  Painted her as a lunatic.  Randomly brought her up and would tell me all these bizarre stories.  Long story short, all the while they has resumed their "friendship".  I finally talked to her on the phone and turns out none of it was true and that he was telling her the same thing about me.  What did he say when confronted?  He said, he told me all that hit_ in the hopes I would think she was a horrible person and thereby quell my suspicion that he would ever hook up with her again.  Huh?  So, what the hell am I supposed to think now?  That since she most likely is a nice person they perhaps hooked up while he was seeing me?  BTW, this "man" is 57 years old.  

[Pretty Woman]

I am going through that now. My ex has painted me as a stalker, nut job to anyone who will listen.

I admit, I was a bit stalkerish, I caught the replacement spending the night days after our breakup.

But in my defense this woman wanted to stay my friend while screwing my ex.

Earth Angel don't play that!

So I ended our friendship after this discovery.

I work with my ex's sister and she can't even look me in the eye.

What you have to understand is these people have enabled their loved ones behavior. They will protect them to the death. They hold no loyalty towards you. There are probably many times your ex cried to them about what an ahole you were. They hated seeing their loved one hurt... .and you were the reason why they were hurting.

After multiple breakups (my ex dumping me) and coming back after saying all these awful things, you would think her family would catch on... .I wasn't forcing her back into a relationship, she was coming back willingly... .but if they KNOW their loved one has a problem, regardless you are to blame for not ending it and getting out. It just isn't ever their fault.

[just_think]

A few years on now, I find that I have 0 mutual friends with the person I was with. I'm successful. I'm thriving. I don't even recognize the kid that fell for that trap. I have amazing friends who care about me and are there for me (and I for them).  The people he is blabbing about things to on facebook will not know you and will not even remember you in 6 months time.  Take this as a blessing. If there are a few that are in mutual circles and so on, remember that you are going to change and those people may not be there down the road, particularly if they listened to him.

This is one of those weird times in life where if you ignore the problem, it actually will go away.   

[Pretty Woman]

Just Think,

  That is a great way at looking at things. I think we've all been there with the slandering of our reputations to mutual aquaintances. I am going through that now, but I realize the ones that matter are sticking by me and the ones who mutually know us are now seeing another side of "her" and her new GF who was also a part of our circle.

[heartandwhole]

How frustrating!  That would really burn me, too.  Fortunately the people who know you will ignore pwBPD's tales.  I'm glad Bob gave you the heads up, he realizes the what pwBPD is saying isn't true.

I think holding your head high without comment is a great course of action.  Your ex has no power over you, or the people who love you.