Don't Alienate the Kids - Bill Eddy, Esq

[livednlearned]

Don't Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce Author: Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Publisher: HCI Press (2010) Paperback: 295 pages ISBN-10: 1936268035 ISBN-13: 9781936268030

Book Description
Bill Eddy presents a new theory of child alienation in divorce. In his theory, there are no bad parents - just bad behaviors, many of them inadvertent by many people including family, friends, professionals and the family court adversarial process. All of these bad behaviors combine into "1000's of Little Bricks" that build a wall between a child and one of his or her parents. It's really a result of a Culture of Blame that builds up around the child - and the child joins in. But parents, family, friends and divorce professionals have a choice. They can use these bricks to build a Foundation of Resilience instead - even during a divorce. Eddy says that the goal of the book is to explain all of the little behaviors (little bricks) that parents and professionals should avoid, and all of the little behaviors (little bricks) that they should use to build this Foundation.

About the Author
Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., is President and co-founder of High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. Bill is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California with over fifteen years' experience representing clients in family court, and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years' experience providing therapy to children, adults, couples, and families in psychiatric hospitals and out patient clinics. He is Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego, California.

He provides seminars on mental health issues for judges, attorneys, and mediators, and seminars on law and ethics for mental health professionals. He has taught Negotiation and Mediation at the University of San Diego School of Law and serves as adjunct faculty at the National Judicial College and Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University. His articles have appeared in national law and counseling journals. He is the author of several books, including It's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Handling People Who Blame Others for Everything, Don't Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce, High Conflict People in Legal Disputes and SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Bill has been a speaker in over 25 states, several provinces in Canada, France, Sweden, and Australia. He has become an authority and consultant on the subject of high conflict personalities for family law professionals, employee assistance and human resource professionals, ombudspersons, healthcare administrators, college administrators, homeowners associations, and others.

Bill obtained his law degree in 1992 from the University of San Diego, a Master's of Social Work degree in 1981 from San Diego State University, and a Bachelor's degree in Psychology in 1970 from Case Western Reserve University. He began his career as a youth social worker in a changing neighborhood in New York City and first became involved in mediation in 1975 in San Diego.

[SettingBorders]

I have just finished reading ":)on't alienate the kids". It teaches some skills in order to prevent the escalation of custody disputes to high conflict cases in court and outside. This is very valuable, because it shows why for outsiders if often seems that the Non is the High Conflict Person. The key is not to answer aggressive behaviour with other aggressive behaviour, but with moderate behaviour. Especially, the same skills of resilience can be taught to kids so that they aren't so prone to alienation. I learned something from that book but there do remain some doubts. In the end, you still need to tiptoe around your BPD ex. For people that have split up recently this is barely acceptable. The book did not show how to be assertive with a BPD ex while not escalating the conflict.