"I'm Sorry"

[UmbrellaBoy]

Did anyone else's ex use "I'm sorry" as a sort of conversation-stopping cliche.

Like, not really sorry (if they were sorry, they'd change their ways!) but more like "Too bad, so sad"?

[arn131arn]

Did anyone else's ex use "I'm sorry" as a sort of conversation-stopping cliche.

Like, not really sorry (if they were sorry, they'd change their ways!) but more like "Too bad, so sad"?

Nope.  Never said I was sorry when it wasn't warranted.

Mine was, "You're right, babe"

I would rather be happy than right

[Ironmanrises]

Yes. When she initiated round 1 of relationship and said "I'm sorry" for her awful behavior towards me when we were just friends and in round 2, when she returned after discarding me in round 1, and saying "I'm sorry" for the even more awful behavior incurred in round 1. After experiencing her most HORRENDOUS behavior in round 2, if/when she returns, lets guess what her 2 words will be.

[arn131arn]

Sorry, misinterpreted the question.

Did my ex ever say sorry?

Hell NO!

She couldn't even say thank you

[Soulsisters]

I was always sorry

It was my fault always.  I was sorry for his unhappiness and sorry I didn't fix it good enough.

I was so sorry all the time, and that was almost the end if me.

Now I am just sorry I didn't leave much earlier

[RecycledNoMore]

Hey umbrella he sure did

Then hed expect that anything he did no matter how heinous, would be wiped away and never spoken of again, and when Id look back at the issue later and try to discuss it more hed say " your always bringing up the past"

what the heck man, 2 hrs ago?$&*&%

[Mazda]

Hey umbrella he sure did

Then hed expect that anything he did no matter how heinous, would be wiped away and never spoken of again, and when Id look back at the issue later and try to discuss it more hed say " your always bringing up the past"

what the heck man, 2 hrs ago?$&*&%

I got such empty, meaningless sorrys after the discard.  It's interesting, because I am not the only one who felt how insincere his apologies were.  My best friend (his ex too) and my mother both saw it in his apologies to them.  What's the point of saying sorry while you continue to behave in an unacceptable manner?  They don't seem to get that.  They also don't get the gravity of the wrongs they have done... . if he thinks just saying sorry is enough to make up for the carnage he caused in my life, then I find it almost insulting that he has such little of a clue of the full extent of the repercussions of his actions.  Crazy making.  I hope his replacement (and new wife, bless her, I hope she realises soon) gets out soon, unscathed.  He shouldn't get another victim.

[RecycledNoMore]

@Mazda

" they dont seem to get it"

True, even if I sat down and talked him through it in the simplest terms, trying not to blame, just pointing out the facts in a very truncated way,he still never got it, hed look at me with a " lights are one but no ones home" look or hed get incredibly angry.

After a while, I would dread apologies, they filled me with resentment, I felt like you did maz, why even bother?

[love4meNOTu]

No, I did not get any "I"m sorry's" or if I did they had a BUT at the end... . so they don't count.

He is not capable, because he blames everything on me, and cannot see his part n the demise of our marriage. Today my mission is to have a good day, interact with anyone I want to, and be happy regardless of the damage my ex husband has done to me and my kids.

blessings,

Lyn

[happylogist]

Yes, a lot, actually all the time, followed with "but".

[imstronghere2]

When I asked my exwBPD to say "I'm sorry" her reply was "Why?  It won't change anything."

[coastalfog1]

My exwBPD would have burst into flames if the words "im sorry" ever came out of her mouth.

She wouldn't know what sorry meant :'(.

[Obibens]

Yes, a lot, actually all the time, followed with "but".

Exactly and the "but" was that basically someone/something else caused her to do that.  Then, as if she were a mind reader, once I started to figure this out, she would suddenly actual say "I'm sorry", with no but at all!  Breakthrough?  Nah - just another mind game.  Every single time it would be refuted and taken back within a day.  sigh

[Monarch Butterfly]

I got "I'm sorry" once... . in 17 years. And that was when I said I wanted out of the relationship. That was also the only time he cried. I have a feeling he was sincere though... . He said stuff that night that was so right on track, and had some logical foundation to what he was saying... . He confessed his mistakes, talked about insecurities and told the truth. I was sitting before a guy I never knew. He stood up to his fears and talked face to face with them... . I wish he had learned to say sorry before that. The problem is it cost him our marriage. He only did that because I am leaving.

No he keeps saying "but I apologized for all my mistakes that night, why can't you get it, and trust me again?" as if one confession could actually undo the past.  

[butterfly34]

I never got a I'm sorry in 10 years... . It was always my fault and if he did something wrong it was me that manipulate him to do it!

[State85]

Very "insincere" sorry's.

And once I got them, I could not under any circumstance bring up why she apologized... . "I said I was sorry, let the past go"

Didn't matter if it was something trivial, or her giving me a black eye.

[Elpis]

I remember an "I'm sorry" that was so new to me I told my therapist about it, I was so happy he had apologized for what he'd done. She responded, "but don't you see, he shouldn't have done it in the first place?"

OH.

[LilMissSunshine]

Sure, he'd apologize on occasion.  Problem was, he kept doing the same sh@t over and over.   

[delusionalxox]

Ex CHOKED on the word sorry.  I don't think I ever heard him actually SAY it although he wrote it a few times.

He wrote me an apology when (unknown to me) he was about to abandon me to move in with someone else. And he said sorry for the affair and for abandoning me while pregnant, when he was trying to get me back. That was tactical, I think.  

[LilMissSunshine]

Sure, he'd apologize on occasion.  Problem was, he kept doing the same sh@t over and over.   

Hm, the more I think about this question, I realize that my xBPDbf used "insincere"  apologies  as a  tool  to step over my boundaries.

[Cardinals in Flight]

Did anyone else's ex use "I'm sorry" as a sort of conversation-stopping cliche.

Like, not really sorry (if they were sorry, they'd change their ways!) but more like "Too bad, so sad"?

That's the only time it was said, as a polite "hit you" 

[Madison66]

I always got the classic "I'm sorry you feel that way".  One time when she texted me that, I responded with a link to an article about how to apologize and how not to apologize.  She didn't like that so much... .

[happylogist]

Madison,

now I know what he is doing having the right word! Non-apology apology! 

[growing_wings]

yes... mine used a lot the "sorry" to finish a conversation... i came to think she used that in a sarcastic way...   even the tone of her voice was fake... . no real sorry...  

[shikai]

I used to get this: "I'm sorry I triggered in you _____ (sadness, anger, anxiety, whatever)."  I finally asked her what that was supposed to mean - that she wasn't actually sorry for her behavior - only that I had a negative reaction to it? Good heavens - after raging at me for two hours and making the most unbelievable, vile accusations, knocking me down, interfering with my job, etc., she's sorry it TRIGGERED something in me? Like trauma? What did she THINK was going to happen?

I was so sick of that line I told her never to say those words to me again. If she couldn't apologize like a regular person and take some responsibility for what she'd done, I didn't want to hear it. She said that a regular apology wasn't her "way."  I told her it was simple. If she WAS sorry for doing those things, she should say "I'm sorry." Feel sorry? Say "sorry." Geez! It's pretty straightforward. But she just sat there staring at me with a confused look. I don't think she could take it in.

Now, because I won't accept anything else, she will say "I'm sorry." But it's still all about how the situation is affecting her - not me.

[growing_wings]

I used to get this: "I'm sorry I triggered in you _____ (sadness, anger, anxiety, whatever)."

how similar Shikai... . mine used to say that too... "I am sorry i triggered such uncomfortable feelings from childhood, etc. etc.etc... . "

i didnt bother to ask what she meant... it was at the end so... who cares... but i am surprised at the similarities... .

[charred]

Others have asked if our pwBPD ever apologized... and I said no... . because I meant apologize.

However a sarcastic, syrup sweet "I'm sorry"... with a look that says you ass... . oh yes... she did that all the time.

Also talked sarcastic baby talk... . pretty sickening... . why did I ever put up with it?

Oh well... never again.

[Murbay]

Yes, a lot, actually all the time, followed with "but".

Mine would only say sorry, if I said it first.

It was usually followed up immediately by "BUT, in all fairness" followed by something highly illogical, like "had you remembered what I said to you 2 years ago during your sleep, then a) wouldn't have happened and b) would have been avoided which meant I never would have done c) so technically, it's your fault anyway" 

[growing_wings]

Others have asked if our pwBPD ever apologized... and I said no... . because I meant apologize.

However a sarcastic, syrup sweet "I'm sorry"... with a look that says you ass... . oh yes... she did that all the time.

Also talked sarcastic baby talk... . pretty sickening... . why did I ever put up with it?

Oh well... never again.

yes... you summarized my experience very well Murbay... . it was exactly the same for me... . pretty sickening indeed.

i used to normalized that attitude a lot and feel sorry for her a lot... ...   now, that i see your posts i sober up and start seeing it in that way... sickening... .   posting in these boards helps so much... .