pwBPD and their Love of Fantasy

[DownandOut]

I posted this on another board, but I feel it's more appropriate to start a new thread about. Another poster, NoCRV, mentioned that their pwBPD was a big fan of a show called Once Upon a Time which is "a series based on all the Disney fairy-tales integrated into one story-line." Also, NoCRV mentioned that his pwBPD was drunk and started talking about casting a spell on the bartender. That post got me thinking.

A repost of my response: it appears that pwBPD love the fantasy genre no matter what their age is. My uBPDexgf is in her late twenties and is obsessed, OBSESSED with young-adult fiction books involving vampires, zombies and other nonsense. I actually used to tease her about it when things were good.  When we went on vacation she would read far-fetched fantasy-adventure novels and I would read novels that actually made you think, stories with well-developed characters that had depth in their personalities and relationships with other characters (she wasn't interested in that). I know it sounds condescending to some extent, and I'm not saying that getting immersed in a good fantasy novel isn't a nice escape from reality every once in a while, but she ONLY read those types of books. One of the things I loved about her was that she actually did read, but her choice of books always made me laugh, especially for a professional women in her late-20s. 

Also, one of her favorite questions for me was "if you could have a superpower, what would it be?" I mean, good question for a first date or something to bring up when the time is appropriate (maybe watching a superhero movie), but she was preoccupied with superheros and having a super power. Anyone else have similar experiences?

[Mazda]

My (31 year old) ex fiancé was big into fairytales.  Thinking about it, kind of weird.

Also, his favourite was beauty and the beast. How fitting. Hahahahahahahahaha

[Moonie75]

I think this is quite logical that pwBPD often attach to fantasy, folklore & fairy tales etc.

They live in a permanent fantasy, a mental Narnia!

It's comfortable & reassuring for them surely? The real world is too much for them. They know they're different, defective, broken! So fantasy is all the hope they have.

If I couldn't cope with reality but had to face waking up every morning, I think I too would prefer Narnia to reality.

[DownandOut]

I think this is quite logical that pwBPD often attach to fantasy, folklore & fairy tales etc.

They live in a permanent fantasy, a mental Narnia!

It's comfortable & reassuring for them surely? The real world is too much for them. They know they're different, defective, broken! So fantasy is all the hope they have.

If I couldn't cope with reality but had to face waking up every morning, I think I too would prefer Narnia to reality.

I agree, that's why I posed the question. It seems like a logical connection and I'm very interested in seeing how many pwBPD actually do immerse themselves in fantasy.

[Aussie0zborn]

Well said, Moonie. Mine was into fantasy TV shows and kids things like Harry Potter. She said her interest and fascination in these things had to do with her being a kindergarten teacher at the time but it continued until she became a deputy principal.

Given that our relationship should have followed her fantasy romance, it is not surprising they are into fantasy entertainment.

[Ironmanrises]

Mine watched nothing but kids movies. Literally. A reflection of her mentality.

[Moonie75]

It's escapism!

It's the escapism that sells these books, tv shows, movies whatever to everyone, disordered or not!

It just resonates far far deeper with people with damages/broken coping mechanisms. No surprise really. Anything offering both entertainment AND total escapism is bound to have massive seductive draw for people with 'coping problems'.

Come, gather round broken people, sit down, get comfortable, Once Upon A Time... . and forget yourself for a while!

[DownandOut]

It's escapism!

It's the escapism that sells these books, tv shows, movies whatever to everyone, disordered or not!

It just resonates far far deeper with people with damages/broken coping mechanisms. No surprise really. Anything offering both entertainment AND total escapism is bound to have massive seductive draw for people with 'coping problems'.

Come, gather round broken people, sit down, get comfortable, Once Upon A Time... . and forget yourself for a while!

So true. Interesting though, aren't all books and movies a form of escapism? Like I mentioned above, I enjoy a good read as well, however, I enjoy reading books with a certain amount of depth. Plots that make you think, characters I can actually relate to on a human level, complex relationships similar to those in the real world. To some extent, all fiction is fantasy. The strange part, though, is that my uBPDexgf loved fiction that is far-fetched and unrealistic.

[Moonie75]

Yes that's the point.

They love the stuff as far from reality as possible because they 'need' to step as far from reality as possible.

We can cope with reality so realistic, believable stuff can entertain us. It doesn't need to remove us from a world we can't cope with, so we can enjoy it.

Disordered folks with no coping tools for reality are only going to get any decent level of escape, from the more extreme removed from reality!

[Cimbaruns]

I concur

She was continually immersed in the world of reality tv, although not the same as fantasy movies or books... . but something that she could lose herself in for hours... . and I mean hours on end.  She would watch the same shows dozens of times!

I would have to remove myself to a different part of the house to escape the "drama" , profanity and what other craziness it brought!

She even had to have it on in order to fall asleep at night... .

It would drive me nuts!

I would notice that she appeared to be in a complete trance!




Anyone have this experience?

[charred]

They are emotionally arrested... like a 3-5 yr old... . of course they like cartoons, superhero's, dress up and make believe.

[Moonie75]

They are emotionally arrested... like a 3-5 yr old... . of course they like cartoons, superhero's, dress up and make believe.

Don't get me wrong, I like dressing up & a bit of role play myself... . But not in front of the tv! 

[Turkish]

I  actually like that show,  once upon a time. I  got her into it and we used to watch it together.  when she stayed making comments to our son like, " look at them, I  bet they're in love!"  with me in the room, I  stopped. I  recently started watching it again when she isn't around. I  like it because it is half grounded in " reality"  with the characters a  composite of real puerile and their fairy tale  analogues.  besides,  the evil queen is hawt! ( I'm still a  guy... .   sue  me).

Mine loves dumb comedies. I  like smart comedies more.  she can't bear to watch anything noir  or realistic.  too much like real life I  guess.  wet both like action movies so at last we had that in common.

[Moonie75]

My three years with her was an action movie!

[Pretty Woman]

When we first started dating she insisted on showing me this ridiculous video of a dancing potato. She thought it was the funniest thing and laughed and laughed. I didn't understand where she was coming from. It was weird. I guess at the time I thought it was cute and showed a softer side but she definitely had an immaturity I did not possess.

[DownandOut]

I  actually like that show,  once upon a time. I  got her into it and we used to watch it together.  when she stayed making comments to our son like, " look at them, I  bet they're in love!"  with me in the room, I  stopped. I  recently started watching it again when she isn't around. I  like it because it is half grounded in " reality"  with the characters a  composite of real puerile and their fairy tale  analogues.  besides,  the evil queen is hawt! ( I'm still a  guy... .   sue  me).

Mine loves dumb comedies. I  like smart comedies more.  she can't bear to watch anything noir  or realistic.  too much like real life I  guess.  wet both like action movies so at last we had that in common.

Turkish,

My knock is not necessarily on the genre itself, it's more of my experiences with my uBPDexgf and her preoccupation with fantasy. For example, I like the Hunger Games, I actually went to see it recently with a couple of friends, all of which are grown men . My ex, she LOVED Hunger Games. She's read every single book that's ever been written in the series. She goes to the movies to see the Twilight movies and Hunger Games when they first premiere. In contrast, we watched the movie Silver Linings Playbook together (before I realized she was actually mentally ill). I had seen it prior to watching it with her and I thought that, as far as love stories go, it was real and heartfelt. She wasn't very entertained by it at all. However, when we watched Twilight together, she could identify with the characters much easier and I could see that she was immersed in the storyline. Strange, really, when you think about it because it should have been easier for her to connect with the disordered personalities in SLPB since I know she felt disordered deep down even though she tried not to admit it to herself. Instead, she felt she had more in common with the vampires.

[love4meNOTu]

Nah, mine liked anything based on history or sports.

Got him to watch Downton Abbey... . he loved it.

He had some redeeming qualities.

[Moonie75]

Nah, mine liked anything based on history or sports.

Got him to watch Downton Abbey... . he loved it.

He had some redeeming qualities.

History programs & period drama's would captivate a BPD... . Especially period drama's!

It's time travel! A time that doesn't exist anymore! NOT the present, real world we have to exist in!


Escapism again!

[BorisAcusio]

Mine was watching TLC and trash realities.

[Kallor74]

Mine was into horror movies and that HBO show Girls.   Little did I know i was about to star in my own horror movie.  

[Turkish]

Mine was into horror movies and that HBO show Girls.   Little did I know i was about to star in my own horror movie.  

Haha, Kallor... . mine couldn't watch anything remotely related to horror. Her core fears got triggered. Her younger sis, OTOH, loved them. Got the wrong one... . but based upon certain behaviors and stuff younger sis posts on FB, I think she has BPD traits, too, though probably not the full blown disorder. All of the Queen stuff people post on FB.

[DownandOut]

Mine was into horror movies and that HBO show Girls.   Little did I know i was about to star in my own horror movie. 

Haha, Kallor... . mine couldn't watch anything remotely related to horror. Her core fears got triggered. Her younger sis, OTOH, loved them. Got the wrong one... . but based upon certain behaviors and stuff younger sis posts on FB, I think she has BPD traits, too, though probably not the full blown disorder. All of the Queen stuff people post on FB.

Another strange similarity! Mine HATED horror movies! I never saw the correlation there, but what do you mean that her core fears got triggered?

[Turkish]

Mine was into horror movies and that HBO show Girls.   Little did I know i was about to star in my own horror movie. 

Haha, Kallor... . mine couldn't watch anything remotely related to horror. Her core fears got triggered. Her younger sis, OTOH, loved them. Got the wrong one... . but based upon certain behaviors and stuff younger sis posts on FB, I think she has BPD traits, too, though probably not the full blown disorder. All of the Queen stuff people post on FB.

Another strange similarity! Mine HATED horror movies! I never saw the correlation there, but what do you mean that her core fears got triggered?

Mine was always going on about negativity, negative energy and the like (I have come to conclude that the biggest source of negativity in her life is her!). Anything that is "bad" shuts her down. Visual or audio. She gets scared easily, like waking up at 4AM and coming into my room to ask if I heard the noise. I said no. Understandable after the burglary, but it was a dream. She always had bad dreams. Rarely anything positive. She is a lucid dreamer, too, quite remarkable.

My mom likes to talk about traumas (just the way she is), and my X would shut her down about any conversation about that. Me? I am used to it, so I just steer it back on course. I could never open up about my childhood either because I never felt "safe" talking to my X. She would shut the conversation down, "I don't like to talk about those things!" Just deny and repress. Repeat.

She freaked out and we had a huge fight over ants getting into the kids' room last year. Of course, it was my fault that I couldn't wave a magic wand and make them go away, and as The Man, it was my job to take care of things like that (again... . what was her job exactly? Sex object? Waif?).

Social anxiety, inability to talk about or see anything remotely negative... . she lives by fear. Me? The only thing I feared was losing her. Now I realize that was ridiculous.

[gettingoverit]

Reality shows was my BPD's poison. Anything that fed into the "Love at first sight" crap... . The Bachelor, Say Yes to the Dress etc. Then she would watch Housewives of Orange County and all the off shoots and get into all that drama and crap on those crappy shows. Nothing more than escapism. If she wasn't stoned from smoking weed at night after her kids were in bed, she would sit and watch these horrible time wasting shows. My ex also loved and truly believed in the Hollywood ending, hence the "soulmate" crap. At the time I thought it was enduring, a child like innocence if you will. Now I know better. It was nothing more than an adult completely living in a fantasy world because she did not have the skills to cope with reality. Really, really sad.

[love4meNOTu]

Crap... I resemble that remark. ^^^^ well except for the weed... . I'm really square.

Please don't judge me, I swear I don't have BPD.