I'm struggling with the fact that everything that seemed good and true during the r/s, was in fact false. Where I thought we shared those fine moments, in hindsight I can not conclude anything else than that those moments had a totally different meaning for my ex than for me.
How can I look back and cherish this relationship, or the love I felt, knowing now that everything is broken and destroyed. My ex took everything back by flipping 180 degrees all the time, and made sure to destroy every good moment that there ever was.
I dont know how to look back to the r/s, how to contain the things for me that were true and geniune. The love I felt and my motives where true, but as I look back I realise they where not shared by my ex. Hpow do I give meaning to what I felt?
How do you do this?
Excellent question! I was married to my uBPDxw for 18 yrs. we have (2) beautiful sons. I caught her in bed with a family friend. I didn't realize about her BPD until after this. I've since found out that she was never faithful, pathologically lied about everything and was very manipulating.
It's hard to look back on my 20yrs with this person and come to the understanding that what I thought was real was not. I've come to accept it by understanding that I fell in love with a BROKEN person. I didn't do anything wrong, I loved and trusted her unconditionally. Mine and your intentions, actions, feeling WERE real. Theirs were not! The shame is not OURS it's THEIRS. We were honest with our intentions, they were not. Don't beat yourself up trying to figure them out... . it will blow your mind. Be happy you survived and keep looking forward. You can't change the past nor worry about the future. All you can do is make positive choices in the present... . Good Luck to You!
