email from my ex says "?"

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well, speak of the  

Came back from my 1:30 meeting to an email from my ex. Scared the bejesus out of me to be honest.

Went to read it and it was an email forwarded from her hotmail account. It was from 1/23/13... . not even today's date a year ago.

All is said was, "?"

I ignored it.

Ten minutes later another email came through saying she was sorry but to disregard the last email, she hadn't read the date on it and looked like her email dumped some old emails her way.

What the heck does that mean? And that doesn't happen. Anyway she ended it with, "my apologies".

Here's the thing... . she sent this to my WORK email from the account she deactivated in November. I know it was deactivated because when we last emailed I tried to get in the last word and it was deactivated and my email bounced back.

So this is telling me a few things... .

1) She is fishing to see if I will respond.

2) She is letting me know this email address is NOT deactivated anymore.

Her last words to me were that I betrayed her and I would never hear from her again. If I accidentally sent an email I wouldn't have sent another one, even to say "My apologies".

This girl is NOT biting. I didn't respond to either email.

[Pretty Woman]

Well, speak of the  

Came back from my 1:30 meeting to an email from my ex. Scared the bejesus out of me to be honest.

Went to read it and it was an email forwarded from her hotmail account. It was from 1/23/13... . not even today's date a year ago.

All is said was, "?"

I ignored it.

Ten minutes later another email came through saying she was sorry but to disregard the last email, she hadn't read the date on it and looked like her email dumped some old emails her way.

What the heck does that mean? And that doesn't happen. Anyway she ended it with, "my apologies".

Here's the thing... . she sent this to my WORK email from the account she deactivated in November. I know it was deactivated because when we last emailed I tried to get in the last word and it was deactivated and my email bounced back.

So this is telling me a few things... .

1) She is fishing to see if I will respond.

2) She is letting me know this email address is NOT deactivated anymore.

Her last words to me were that I betrayed her and I would never hear from her again. If I accidentally sent an email I wouldn't have sent another one, even to say "My apologies".

This girl is NOT biting. I didn't respond to either email.

[Turkish]

That's awesome that you are not biting, or even thinking about it from what you write. I'd say your assessment of what she is doing is spot on.

[Pretty Woman]

My favorite part was the "yikes, disregard" part. Like oh, if you thought I was getting your "hopes up" I'm not, just checking to see if I still can get a rise out of you.



This morning I got a blank email in my private email account. It was weird and I immediately thought of her. I thought maybe she was looking to see if my email address was active.  I didn't think much about it after that but seeing the new emails jarred me.

When she deactivated FB, her email and changed her phone number it made me feel like a frickin stalker. I also found it immature being I have five other ways to contact her if I was really interested in doing so. I just stopped contact. I'm not chasing or persuing anyone who treats me like crap. I can only assume her replacement isn't working or she wants to triangulate me with someone.

I am sure I will hear from her before Valentine's Day. Can't wait (being sarcastic).

[myself]

This girl is NOT biting. I didn't respond to either email.

    In the past, I would have jumped at the chance to talk with her again. That was part of the game we were playing, and as ___ed up as it was, I was getting pretty good at it. I don't go for the kind of bait she uses anymore, and there's nothing she can catch here but silence if she tries.

There are no accidents with them, it's good you see through it. Stay strong and don't go backwards.

[charred]

I got a weird email from my exBPDgf once... and she kept desperately trying to contact me... kept saying she had "great news"... after 3 days of it I bit... and what was the great news?

Her: Guess what... I don't have Herpes... . and (my replacement)... is so glad... I thought you would want to know you have nothing to worry about.

THAT is the kind of accidental/good news... ridiculous emails you can get.

I shouldn't take glee in her problems but (my replacement)... gave her an STD!

So... what I learned was... . stay strong, those dorky emails have an intent to either lure you back or hurt you. Neither is good. Stay strong.

[Turkish]

I am sure I will hear from her before Valentine's Day. Can't wait (being sarcastic).

I think a lot of us will be hurting on VT day, not that I ever put much thought into the holiday (she usually caused drama). She'll be making sweet, hot love with her boy toy, I'm sure. Probably going off how much I held her back over the last years and she was neglected and how great it is now.

Before the discard. I think he might be one of the Casanova, possibly BPD types. That would serve her right. As long as she keeps it away from the kids, that's her problem. (sorry for the slight hijack).

[Pretty Woman]

Myself,

 I won't lie... . my heart did race a bit.  I never thought I would get a word from her that is how bad it ended but this also proves to me she is BPD. It's a pattern... . she always eventually reaches out and it's via email.

The irony is this... . the email she sent was between our work email addresses and she sent it from her personal account to me... . like it was copied into an email and sent to that account. That is weird and that is what leads me to believe it was a re-engagement attempt.

I am a slueth when it comes to this stuff.

It wasn't even an important email. It was about her bringing me chicken soup when I was sick. She was just looking to get a response.

[LilMissSunshine]

Well, speak of the  

Came back from my 1:30 meeting to an email from my ex.  Scared the bejesus out of me to be honest .

Went to read it and it was an email forwarded from her hotmail account. It was from 1/23/13... . not even today's date a year ago.

All is said was, "?"

I ignored it.

Ten minutes later another email came through saying she was sorry but to disregard the last email, she hadn't read the date on it and looked like her email dumped some old emails her way.

What the heck does that mean? And that doesn't happen. Anyway she ended it with, "my apologies".

Here's the thing... . she sent this to my WORK email from the account she deactivated in November. I know it was deactivated because when we last emailed I tried to get in the last word and it was deactivated and my email bounced back.

So this is telling me a few things... .

1) She is fishing to see if I will respond.

2) She is letting me know this email address is NOT deactivated anymore.

Her last words to me were that I betrayed her and I would never hear from her again. If I accidentally sent an email I wouldn't have sent another one, even to say "My apologies".

This girl is NOT biting. I didn't respond to either email.

PW, my X finally tried contacting me this past weekend too.  Missed call Friday night and 6 missed calls yesterday afternoon.  Friday night, I was so freaked, I couldn't sleep.  Kept waking up to nightmares - serious ones.  Like from when he used to hit me.  He's been active on his dating profile all weekend so I don't know What the heck his problem is.  That fact alone gave me enough strength not to answer and/or return his calls.  I'm proud of myself and know I did the right thing, yet it set me back a bit  :'( .  I was doing pretty good too.  Healing ain't easy.

[Pretty Woman]

Lil Miss,

   It's a control thing. They want to know they have you even if they don't want you.  Mine has a new Match profile all flirty and ridiculous. I only knew because I saw she checked out mine. I ultimately updated my profile to say I found my match (which I did) and am taking a break.

Haven't been on the site since. I am sure that's got her curious.

[Waifed]

Lil Miss,

   It's a control thing. They want to know they have you even if they don't want you.  Mine has a new Match profile all flirty and ridiculous. I only knew because I saw she checked out mine. I ultimately updated my profile to say I found my match (which I did) and am taking a break.

Haven't been on the site since. I am sure that's got her curious.

Might be control.  More likely she is tiring of her current relationship or feels like she is about to get dumped.  She is searching for the next host.

[growing_wings]

Pretty women... . stay strong and dont fall for it.

indeed, i join the other's... there is no accident with them... .

in the past, when i was breaking off the r/s, my SO BPD sent me a message through messenger, pretending I was one of her friends... . said "Lisa... . did you call me today"... . back then i was not in NC so i replied saying i am not Lisa... . and she replied saying "I know"... .   so why did she pretend, at least she admited she knew... .

they are all soo similar.

Mine sent me 4 text messages last friday... first 3 were nice about she understanding me, that i need time, that she would like to talk to me... etc.etc, the 4th one says: i just watned to see you in person to tell you i am happy and moving on... . but i dont have the chance to tell you so here it is via text... .

the 4 texts were sent in a space of 4 min... typical BPD behaviour... first 3 min: i am understanding and nice, last min, go away dont want to see you again... .

i bet i will get a text or email at some point.

everytime my heart races too...   arrgghh how long will this feeling last?

[bpdspell]

Pretty,

I say trust your intuition. If it feels like your ex is fishing then she probably is. But the power is really in your hands to not respond. Not as some power trip to ignore her (although that may feel temporarily good) but to trust that your ex is mentally ill and is no good for you or anyone else for that matter unless she seeks some serious psychological help.

My ex dropped all of those sideways, passive aggressive, indirect hints but I had it up to my neck in his rejection, abandonment and abuse. They are no prize and neither is contact from them. They're mentally ill and we need to remember that.

Spell

[Ironmanrises]

Didnt you and I, then known as Earth Angel and now Pretty woman, discuss this very possibility multiple times? And you honestly thought she was gone. I told you she was going to reappear. I am glad so far you are not taking the bait.   Dont be surprised if she escalates the attempts.

[RecycledNoMore]

The devils got her rod out... .

You got this Angel:)

[Pretty Woman]

Ironman,

Lol I know.  She shut off all communication this time and the replacement is here. I really didn't think she would attempt... .

And what a lame attempt. 

I probably could be diabolical if I wasn't a decent person. I see through her because similar things in life have crossed my mind.  I've always been a skeptic. 

This only reaffirms she is not well.  I also understand why her sister I work with is so uncomfortable.  The sister is "" normal. She didn't want to see this happen to someone she knows and works with. 

It isn't difficult ignoring the ex anymore. All I need to do is remember when I needed her and she bailed on me.  That's all it takes for me to say enough is enough.

[growing_wings]

Didnt you and I, then known as Earth Angel and now Pretty woman, discuss this very possibility multiple times? And you honestly thought she was gone. I told you she was going to reappear. I am glad so far you are not taking the bait.   Dont be surprised if she escalates the attempts.

Ironman question for you (and i dont want to distract the topic of this post)... but for how long do they reappear?

indeed, in my case i have received around 5 messages saying she will never see me again nor contact... . but then she reappears... .

for how long this dance continue?

[Ironmanrises]

Didnt you and I, then known as Earth Angel and now Pretty woman, discuss this very possibility multiple times? And you honestly thought she was gone. I told you she was going to reappear. I am glad so far you are not taking the bait.   Dont be surprised if she escalates the attempts.

Ironman question for you (and i dont want to distract the topic of this post)... but for how long do they reappear?

indeed, in my case i have received around 5 messages saying she will never see me again nor contact... . but then she reappears... .

for how long this dance continue?

For as long as you allow it to continue. Her behavior isn't going to change because she discarded you or is with someone else. If you read the accounts on here, the reappearances occur quite frequently, and it is usually the non who puts a stop to it by no longer participating in the recycle/re-engagement.

[Pretty Woman]

Growing-Wing,

  Seriously, read the accounts on here.  It is a bit terrifying. Yes, some BPD's cut cold and are never heard from again but it really depends on the person.

There is no cookie cutter simple pattern for BPD.

My ex has one friend (who has a lot of problems---suicidal gal). I will say this... .

My ex is friends with ALL exes. I thought it was a lesbian thing (because of the small community) but then I learned she recycles them (redates them over and over) and has for years!

I was left in May for "the one that got away" five years ago (her words not mine). She returned to me in July. She is still in contact with her 1st girlfriend who is with a man. She is even FB friends with that girlfriends ex who is much younger than us and lives several states away.

She needs validation and she needs to know that even though she ended it we are still there when she needs a "fix" be it relationship wise or a shoulder to cry on.

Ironman has had two recycles, I have had six.  He and I have chatted on here a lot together about our situations. If they have a "pattern" usually, once you catch on you can follow it.  If they've come back before there is always a likeliness they will return again especially if you know their backstory (have they returned to exes before). Eventually the exes catch on or meet someone and her supply is depleted. That's when they put out feelers if they don't have someone new.

Only the non (us) can control whether that return takes place or not. It takes two to recycle not one. Had I responded to my ex's email I would have been a willing participant in the game. I chose not to be.

My ex said she would NEVER speak to me again EVER. That is how she typed it. That she was GONE Forever.

One thing I learned early on... . "Never and Forever" both mean nothing to someone with BPD. They lack boundaries and impulse control. Thing is you can't wait for a recycle. You need to move forward and get stronger... . fix WHY you were attracted to someone who treated you so poorly. Obviously you too have issues or you never would have put up with them in the first place.

[Pretty Woman]

And I should add... . when my ex came back in July she texted me 54 times on a trip back from her ex to where we live. It was a 5hr drive and she wouldn't stop.

Again, impulsive. This is what BPD's do. Didn't matter that her last words to me were "If you ever try to contact me again I will file a restraining order on you".

It's not about us. It is what they NEED at the moment. We are just needs, our feelings have no relevence (to them).

[Pretty Woman]

UPDATE: I have now been unblocked on Facebook. Was on a mutual friend's page and can see her info.

This is in less than 24hrs since the "accidental" emails.

See. Patterns. Ironman, not that I doubted you but wow.

Waiting for the text to be next and then showing up on my doorstep.

[Turkish]

UPDATE: I have now been unblocked on Facebook. Was on a mutual friend's page and can see her info.

This is in less than 24hrs since the "accidental" emails.

See. Patterns. Ironman, not that I doubted you but wow.

Waiting for the text to be next and then showing up on my doorstep.

now the ball is in your court... .   to block her.

[Pretty Woman]

Did not think of that. My thought... . wouldn't doing that show her I know she unblocked me and that be a form of engaging on my part rather than ignore it?

Just a thought.

[Turkish]

Did not think of that. My thought... . wouldn't doing that show her I know she unblocked me and that be a form of engaging on my part rather than ignore it?

Just a thought.

There's that  , PM. Who cares what she thinks. She's disordered and mean. It is setting a clear boundary that you want no part of her dysfunction. Toss that cake into the trash, don't just put it back into the fridge :^)

[Pretty Woman]

Turk,

   She is disordered and mean. You are right. Why should I care at all?  My feeling is that I just don't feel like giving her satisfaction that I care or are concerned in any way shape or form.

[Turkish]

Turk,

   She is disordered and mean. You are right. Why should I care at all?  My feeling is that I just don't feel like giving her satisfaction that I care or are concerned in any way shape or form.

Then weigh it either way. It's not a no-win situation.

If you do nothing, she may think "aha! I can get back in!"

If you block her, she may think "aha! I still mean something to her (either way)!"

And either way, she will think something. That's her.

Which is best for YOU: the way that blocks her for good (hopefully), or the way which leaves a door open for you to peek and get wrapped up in the emotions you have been letting go (and doing a very good job of, I think we all here would agree)?

[Pretty Woman]

You are right, Turk. Best to block. She knows I can see her comments and last thing I want to see is anything about a new girlfriend.

[goldylamont]

Pretty Woman, please block her ASAP and save yourself the drama. I'm sure if you don't block her now, she'll post some things hurtful to you and then she'll block you again if you don't respond (or if you do) and then you'll feel controlled. Just block her, what right does she have to try and hurt you again? This is a chance for you to not be passive like all her other exes. It can empower you juuuuust a little bit to do the rejecting rather than wait on her to do it, again, which she will, if you don't block her, like now. 

[arn131arn]

This is what scares the devil out of me! Pretty, I always read ur threads, and I too, think my ex has painted me black forever. How long have u been NC? Maybe I this P can put me on some BPD steroids for the next few months, huh? Hang in there, girl. U da woo-MAN!

[Ironmanrises]

UPDATE: I have now been unblocked on Facebook. Was on a mutual friend's page and can see her info.

This is in less than 24hrs since the "accidental" emails.

See. Patterns. Ironman, not that I doubted you but wow.

Waiting for the text to be next and then showing up on my doorstep.

Told you. The disorder with the accompanying behavior does not change. It is a script set in a perpetual loop. Either block her which is the best option or if not, do not look at any more of her social media. You have to do one or the other. Hang in there Pretty woman.

[Waifed]

This is what scares the devil out of me! Pretty, I always read ur threads, and I too, think my ex has painted me black forever. How long have u been NC? Maybe I this P can put me on some BPD steroids for the next few months, huh? Hang in there, girl. U da woo-MAN!

Wrong my friend. You have definitely not heard the last from yours. Just prepare yourself for the moment it comes. It will likely be out of the blue.