Not sure if I'm being tested, reading it wrong or if I'm doing it wrong

[Murbay]

For a good part of today, I've been trying to determine if my BPDgf is testing me against her own values. I haven't seen her now for almost 3 weeks and when I offer to come round she has reasons why she won't be available. She will communicate by text and that is where some of the issue lies.

A couple of weeks ago, I took an evening out for myself and she was not happy about it. Lectured me on how partners don't do that to each other, despite the fact I hadn't seen her in over a week and she wasn't letting anyone near her. The other day in one of her texts, she talked about getting away for a few days on her own to clear her head. I'm not sure if what I said was right or wrong but said that a break to clear her head is a good idea and then asked if she had been looking at anywhere in particular. No response followed.

Another big issue she has is my communication with my exgf (my daughters mother) and that we get along. I said in a post yesterday that she despises this and that she says I should basically be angry and hate my ex (who has done nothing wrong and we have been apart for 13 years now) I haven't shut my ex out but have limited the contact I do have with her as a compromise as although my ex hasn't done anything wrong, I can understand how it makes my BPDgf feel.

Today, I get a text telling me how great her exh has been, very supportive and that they are getting on. They have a daughter together too, which is why the connection. I responded back to tell her I thought that was great news and given everything she has been going through in the past few weeks, I was happy that she had one less stress to deal with. Again, no response.

It seems right now that regardless of the conversations we have, it turns to a mirror of something she has raged at me about in the past. I haven't been able to understand why she is doing this, whether it's to judge my response or to see if she can provoke a reaction.

There are a lot of alarm bells ringing on the last one. Her usually painted black ex is now all white and that is a slight concern. Not for me though, I understand that she may be in the middle of a recycle, as far as I'm concerned, if she does and as much as I care about her, it crosses a boundary that I won't bend on. Where the concern lies is their history. He is a very violent person with a history of abuse, he's stabbed her, slashed her arms open, punched her eldest daughter in the face and broke her nose when she was 15, flew out when they were on vacation and kidnapped his daughter, aslo caused gf to flee to the other side of the country into hiding, she left her son behind because he refused to go, had a restraining order out on exh and lived in fear for several years. Despite all of that he is now a saint in her eyes.

I'm honestly not sure how to take that today.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[duncanville1]

Sounds like she is threatened by you going out and ongoing contact with your ex. To me this looks like a game to make you jelious, she is trying to make you feel the way she does...

[Grey Kitty]

My best guess is you are reading it right. You are the one who is attuned to the rules/norms in this r/s, not me!

My best advice is not to play the game she's trying to play with you--stick with your values (like being friendly with your ex) and let her do what she will. Validating her behavior is reasonable too.

Just wait for her to decide to behave well or poorly about all this and respond appropriately.

 Sorry to hear that it is crazy-making or worrysome for you. I'd be worried about your gf's ex too.