Mirrors

[BP39]

Hello all,

Its been quite a while since I've posted anything on this board.so I decided to kind of pay a little back.

My topics mirrors.everyone here has focused squarely on their SO PWBPD... what can you do or how can you fix ... . My fellow members these boards are about you.it takes a very long hard tims to get your feet back under you some what.sometimes you never regain what you had of yourself. But you have to keep pluggin along.I had a devastating story about 2 years 15 years of marriage kids the whole 9 dumped on my head and left with kids.as she skipped off... been along battle. I'm divorced now have full custody of my kids, lifes still a mess to untangle.but I'm ok.I have no contact. (My choice) she calls my phone all the time I just hand it to the kids.I finally got to the point.where I was forced to let go and move on... . and you know what im ok with it.life goes on I will never let myself go back. ...

I know you guys hurt yhe the relationship with them sucks and post relationship sucks .remember you can't love that  out of them.but you can LOVE yourself... . this message may not register with many but you can go back and see the mess I was in... . I let go NOW THE guy she cheated with... . Ha they go through the same  ... .

Chin up people you will be okay.maybe the tools you use on them doesn't work.but the tools you use on yourself. Work... . N/C regardless of the length... know there's a problem but itnaint yours... and keep on moving... . good luck to all

[Waifed]

Good Post BP

I decided a couple of weeks ago that I was finished researching BPD.  It is now all about myself.  I've been in therapy but I am taking it one step further and really digging in to codependency.  There is some really good stuff out there and it is amazing how dead on some of the stuff is. 

[tiredndown]

^This is the most difficult concept to really understand. It was not until I learned to stop acting a certain way, phrase things a certain way, or do things differently to make the marriage 'work'. I had to realize that a healthy reaction wouldn't constantly cause me to doubt myself.

I had to stop questioning myself and look at her like an undeveloped hurt child before I started to really change the dynamic. It is at that point where you can honestly and objectively look at the relationship and make an informed decision if you want to continue trying to make things better or make plans to leave. It really is not about them anymore, as it is about what you are willing to tolerate.

Sure you might be able to learn all of the tricks to deal with BPD, but is that the kind of relationship that you want? My answer was a NO!

[heartandwhole]

Hi BP39,

I remember some of your story, I'm sorry you went through all that.  I know it was rough road.  Congrats on the detaching.  I agree with you 100% that the focus has to be on us, ultimately.

It may take some time to get there, but get there we must, if we hope to heal and grow.

Thanks for your encouragement, and keep us posted! 

[Turkish]

Good Post BP

I decided a couple of weeks ago that I was finished researching BPD.  It is now all about myself. 

I stopped a while ago. I read through most of WoE, started another book, but stopped reading it.  I am done. My focus will be on dealing with her behaviors vis-a-vis the kids, and keeping my boundaries up. Also on watching and dealing with how a likely BPD mother will affect our kids, especially my son, since we will share joint custody (for now... . ). That is about it.

Look at myself, as realizing I have always been drawn to "troubled" women is not enough. I need to stop it, so I'll be in hermit mode for a while, maybe forever, who knows?

[Ceide]

Thanks for the message of hope, BP!  And Turkish, I hadn't heard the phrase "hermit mode" before, but it describes where I've been for about 2 1/2 years.  I'm on this site to work on myself because lately I've become disenchanted with "hermit mode".  But for a while there I needed it and I was pretty happy with it (such a relief not to be involved with others' drama).

[myself]

Glad you got out and stayed out, BP. When you look into the mirror now I bet you like yourself a whole lot better. Hope your kids are doing ok with things. Keep on going! Good message, thank you.