when do you tell his/her family?

[wdone]

is it ever appropriate to talk to your partners family about his/her BPD?

i keep being told and telling myself that i have done all i can-- but tonight, it just hit me that i have not ever really talked to his family about his disorder.  now that he is living with them, i wonder if it is my responsibility... . especially if i/you are worried about your partner committing suicide... .

a few thoughts though:

-he hides it well, and for a reason-he does not want to "get caught" as he has said.

-his family is where his core trauma stems from, and may be useless and/or harmful to tell them.

-it may be a huge betrayal and he may never trust me again.

i guess underneath this question is how hopeless i feel... . and how hopeless i have felt over the years, but now that he is so far away... i really feel like i don't know whats going on, and with my T saying she is worried he will kill himself... . i am worried.

just looking for your experience and how it has fared for you, if you have disclosed your partners behavior and suicide threats etc... .

thanks 

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[Tolou]

Hi Wdone,

Personally, the suicide threats is what drove me away for good and the attempts, I just couldn't take it anymore.  I did contact the family, I didn't say anything about a disorder, I just let them know she was suicidal and making threats etc... . and then I followed through with changing my number.  I couldn't take the voicemails, texts, calls all times of day, they were vrey draining.

But once I was gone, though it took her quite some time, she learned that that was not a healthy way to get what she wanted.  It's a form of emotional blackmail, though they are quite serious at times our responses determine sometimes how they will continue to act.  I just informed the family, made that effort and discontinued contact because someone elses life and happiness are not our responsibility.  Were not that powerful!

[Theo41]

My wife , like so many other spouses, has never been diagnosed so I would not share "BPD". My wife's family has experienced the worst of her. They may not know she has characteristics of BPD, but they would each do a great job of describing her accurately. They want as little to do with her as possible , even though she can be very gracious, loving and giving to them at times . Our children, likewise, know her all to well. They consider her toxic and maintain their distance, which saddens both of us. Theo