Another terrible night

[Pipedreamer25]

So last night was awful.  I've had a few nights like this when my dBPDbf is withdrawing from drugs but I've never had anyone to talk it through with.

Sorry illness not to make this too long but is really appreciate input. I just need to talk this out.  Like I said the bf has had many episodes like this and they usually last four hours.  He goes into psychotic state and its like he I a different person.  He is angry and depressed and talks about some really dark Stuff- stuff that would come out of a sociopath mouth.

Yesterday he was reading a lot of Internet stuff about BPD which just was t helpful.  There's so much bad info out there. E got depressed about how he thought that's he never gonna get better and he hates everything as jut wanted to die.  I sat with him striking his back whilst he just kept telling me darker and darker stuff about how he believes he is evil. I don't have the strength to go into it now but it's really horrifying stuff.

I'm so exhausted we've finally got a referral to a DBt specialist and to a rehab but in scared to get my hopes up. Every ttsmpt info therapy so far has been awful.  I don't know what to do if it doesn't work this time.  I just want my beautiful boy to be happy.  We have a. bdolutely perfect week before this latest episode.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Samuel S.]

Pipedreamer25, I sense not only a lot of justifiable frustration, but also a lot of justifiable fear from your post. Let's hope and pray that this new DBT specialist and going to a rehab will help out. People who are trained in these fields know what they are doing. They are trained very precisely to deal with people like yours and can make tremendous strides. The very best of luck to you! Hopefully, your SO will be seen very soon for your sake and for your boy's sake!

[Pipedreamer25]

Thank you Samuel,  it's just been so awful,  these episodes used to occur once every couple of months but now it's more like every few weeks.  I feel so lost,  I just want him to get help buy its so hard

[Samuel S.]

Half the answer and half the cure is if he wants to improve. Does he want to improve? Also, I can understand how you feel, if these episodes occur more often. It is like living with a time bomb. Does something trigger him? Also, does he even apologize when he chooses to act out like that?

[Pipedreamer25]

Yeah, he always apologises and we have big talks about what we need to do and then he goes to therapy and it just ends up making things worse.  He doesn't believe that anyone understands him and he goes back to self medicating.  We found a really good therapist this time and a rehab tht specialised in dual diagnosis but I just hope it works.  He is just impossible at the moment.  As for triggers they could be anything but isuly it's worse when drugs are involved. He really fluctuates between incredibly insightful and acting like a brat.

[waverider]

Totally understand the whole issue when trying to come off drugs at the same time. My partner is always withdrawing/detoxing from something. The problem is when clear of that the fears associated with BPD are too raw so they start to spiral back into self medicating and around it goes.

Lack of self belief is their biggest hurdle, without this there is no no consistent commitment and all the therapy in the world wont help.

Right now we are looking at Xanax withdrawal.

[Pipedreamer25]

Hi waverider,  I am sorry you're going through that.  My so just has to find other ways of coping and he can't.  I  taking him to the doctors tomorrow.  I'm just scared that it won't go well.  It's him that's made the choice but I know that he is more scared than me and reading all of that stuff about BPD being hopeless is not helping.  He as so good for a week. Now I am never sure what I'm coming home too and I'm exhausted.

[waverider]

Well you are in the right place to help you make sense of it all. looking after yourself is the main thing

[Greenmeadow]

Hi Pipedreamer25,

First I am so sorry that you've gone through this (and everyone else who has ever experienced this) second, I am so pleased that you have this board to write on, so that perhaps you don't feel quite so alone.

I completely understand how you feel, it's absolutely petrifying to hear the person you love talk so darkly, so hopelessly and so distraut. I always feel so hopeless and lost at what to do when my dBPDh is like this. The only thing I ever do is tell him, I love him, I'm there for him, he's not alone and that whatever he's going through I will hold his hand the whole way.

I really do hope the doctors goes well today and the DBT helps (it has really helped my h with his self harm)

Good luck and I'm thinking of you 

[Pipedreamer25]

Thank you green meadow those kind words really mean the work right now.  It just seems like everything is going wrong ATM.  The day we we're any to go the doctor was sick and rescheduled.  Today the bf has a massive panic attack and qnta to be left alone.  I am at a real loss