i need to buy a smartphone. this is actually relevant to BPD.

[maxen]

i am the betrayed husband of a lying, adulterous, arrogant, borderline wife whom i'll be divorcing unless she comes, however late, to her senses and realizes that we were the best thing she ever had. i am also the only child of an elderly mother whose physical condition is deteriorating, and i am now dealing with lawyers, therapists, social workers, aides, doctors. i need a smartphone because i need to keep a contact list of all the people i deal with.

i've narrowed it to two, a samsung and an iphone. which models doesn't matter. the samsung is an android can be manipulated and costs less, the iphone has a brighter screen and everyone has one so i can talk to people about something.

what matters is this. my w had a iphone all along and i spent many happy hours playing bejewelled on it (and many less happy hours playing angry birds). i associate an iphone closely with my wife. so if i buy an iphone it may be a trigger every time i use it, esp. when i play bejewelled, which i certainly will want to do. on the other hand, why should i let my wife determine which smartphone i buy? wouldn't it be a mark of emotional progress to buy the iphone and use it if i damn well want it?

somebody help me.

[Turkish]

S3,  best phone I've enter had... .   the previous best one was the S2,  and I've been cellar since the mid 90s.  iPhone is shock,  but I love the customization of the android,  as I can make it look far different than someone else's. I  love Swype,  too. I  have a bias against Apple,  because I  was working for my company (a  supplier of theirs)  all weekend in August  when I  would rather have been spending it with my kids. I  came home to deflate,  collapsed in my chair with an e book,  when my ex came into the room and broke up with me... .   the personal and professional gauntlet closed around me. I  hate triggers!

if you need to see people,  you can certainly  load  Skype.  add to the fact that the S  had a standard usb  cable makes it more appealing.

[maxen]

well i just got off the phone with my phone company and as of, like, yesterday THEY'RE OUT OF STOCK ON THE SAMSUNG (s4 mini) AND I':) KINDA DECIDED TO BUY THAT ONE [bangs head on wall]. BPD is even controlling my telephone life!

you can skype on an android?

[Turkish]

well i just got off the phone with my phone company and as of, like, yesterday THEY'RE OUT OF STOCK ON THE SAMSUNG (s4 mini) AND I':) KINDA DECIDED TO BUY THAT ONE [bangs head on wall]. BPD is even controlling my telephone life!

you can skype on an android?

my ex skyped  with her boy toy on her S3.  you could look at the Google play store to see if the app is there,  our just search it.

[Ceide]

I totally get how this is a trigger!

My ex, who is an IT guy, gave me his droid when he left.  (His leaving was really weird, he kept giving me things... . )  Anyway I had that phone for about a year and finally ditched it.  (I did remake it into a completely new phone for the time that I had it, but still... . )

I still have a droid (newer version) and don't associate it with the ex at all.

Do whatever you need to do to take care of you.  Maybe you get a Samsung for now (when its in stock) and who knows?  maybe a few years down the road you get an iphone, and you won't associate it with your ex at all.

I understand the elderly mother part and feel for you, for going through all of that.  It's a rough road. 

Good luck with all of it 

[maxen]

thank you both for not taking this as a joke. i've really had to think about it!

[Turkish]

thank you both for not taking this as a joke. i've really had to think about it!

It never ocurred to me... . darn I could have had some fun! maxen: I think you'll make a great Ambie, no joke about that.  

[seeking balance]

thank you both for not taking this as a joke. i've really had to think about it!

Maxen, you are in more trauma than you even probably realize - this really is a type of ptsd - nothing at all silly about talking about these kinds of emotions... . pat yourself on the back for reaching out.

Most of your "creating a new life" depends on making new memories now.  It is hard and you will have to push yourself to do it, but try not to make a bid deal of it.  Self talk is soo important.

Let me help you with the reality now - it will be odd at first, but you will likely quickly forget about the association with her as it becomes your phone, honestly.  I live in the same house as my ex, the one remodeled together - I had thought I may sell it, but now, I honestly rarely have moments pop up (and very very rare that those memories trigger any emotion)... . I have created more new memories here than the ones we actually did have.

My 2 cents - there is no right/wrong answer on this - honestly, the hard part was done... . addressing the fear and working through it.

Peace,

SB

[maxen]

thanks SB. you are of course right.

Most of your "creating a new life" depends on making new memories now.

ten days ago i had the credit card in my hand and was ready to go, but then i hesitated. it took until i put up this thread to figure out why i couldn't pull the trigger. i think now that buying a non-iphone will help in creating those new memories (i'm onto a google nexus 5 since the samsung is unavailable).

i know there will be bigger issues to face, but this is the one i have in front of me at the moment!

update: the googlephone arrived! already! oohh i can't wait ... .