talked with a friend of her... wow still hurts

[growing_wings]

hi all

i agreed to meet with a mutual friend, but she really was a friend of hers since years back.  She asked me to meet her.

we had a nice conversation, we did not even talked about my ex (no point)... things went well, but i remembered the "good times", when the 3 of us used to meet to have a chat and a laugh... .

phew... was nice, but very tough at the same time. by the time i was back home, i was in tears... i missed the old times so much (the good old times).

a step at the time. i need to take a step at the time. I think it was progress to be able to meet up with her, sit down and talk. It felt nice to know that she did not take sides, she was willing to be my friend.

I am ok today. i tell this to myself: Keep moving forward... keep moving forward. things are improving for me so much, old friends are coming to me, i am making connections again, i am starting doing what i love the most (hobbies i left), crazy that still part of me misses the "cage" i was in when i was with her, it was a comfy cage in a way 

just wanted to share...

[heartandwhole]

growing_wings,

I can understand how tough that was, seeing your ex's friend and all that it brought up for you.  I'm sure I would have been in tears, too.    That was a brave move, and I think it's wonderful that you let yourself feel your feelings.  You are definitely making progress.

It's okay to miss the good times, there will be waves like that from time to time, for awhile.  You are handling it so well – yes, keep moving forward, while honoring your feelings.  This is the path to healing, growing, and we're with you! 

[DiamondSW]

Good for You!  And for this person to act in such a way as to be there for you as well.  Keep this friend, it sounds like a respectful friendship built on something good. 

You know what?  It WILL hurt though, but equally at least you also have the comfort of knowing someone SENSIBLE is watching you BPDexes back... .  

I remember asking the pastor at church to watch over my exBPDgf, but didnt ever have the relationship with him to derive comfort from knowing she was truly safe.  This person you met may well be friends with you both, but in this case I think you are blessed because you have someone there watching her -it's not knowing about the life of your ex that matters, it's knowing that someone you know/trust would tell you if anything serious happened, otherwise they have enough respect for you to allow you to detach... .

You have a kind of insurance policy for your heart... .  

It's best NOT to her about the BPD, but equally i'd love to know just one thing every night before I go to bed:  THAT SHE'S SAFE.  You can sleep soundly with that one.

Take care and well done again for your bravery.  This is a good friend.   

[seeking balance]

Grief - feeling the sadness that everything has changed - these tears are really a healthy part of it.

Keep feeling, keep posting, keep processing.

Peace,

SB

[growing_wings]

thanks for your responses.

is not an easy way out. Feeling, crying... eventually accepting... .

DIamonds, i agree , this person is a good friend. I wanted to tell her "look after my ex please", or "would you tell me if she is not doing well"? part of me really wanted to tell her that... but i didnt. i dont think i can handle to know much about her right now... .

my ex has people that can help her if needed. you are right, is nice to know that she will be ok . I know she can get very depressive, and at times, i feel it has to be me who can help her, but then i remember, i trigger her, so i cant help her as much as i would like to. I can just stay at a distance.

my mantra is: keep moving on, keep moving forward (even if it hurts ... . )

thanks for replies