She finally Came Out on FB

[Turkish]

An old friend of mine, not hers, messaged me last night., Apparently she is posting pics of her and the other guy on FB finally. Yes, her business. He said, "Is your Ex with someone already?" I replied that she's been with the guy since August, at least, the same dude. He was blown away, and I gave him the story in a nutshell. This young dude also has similar issues with a likely PD'd exgf who sounds BPD or Histrionic, had him jailed on false DV issues, tried a recycle even after that, a lot of typical behaviors, from what he described to me. I stressed to him to let go being like we are with women. He's almost half my age. He has a chance to change now before he ends up in a situation like me.

All in all, I think uBPDx and her narc traits keep her from realizing that people see right through her. If not, then they at least suspect. So sad. Now awaiting until the attachment goes to phase 3, which is her wanting him with her all of the time, like it was with me and her previous bfs... . asking him to move in, and then the real games will begin. And I'll be subsidizing it through CS, *sigh* It is what it is.

[heartandwhole]

That's rough, Turkish, I'm sorry.    I'm glad you had that convo with your friend, sounds like you can really speak openly.

How are you feeling about this?

[Turkish]

That's rough, Turkish, I'm sorry.    I'm glad you had that convo with your friend, sounds like you can really speak openly.

How are you feeling about this?

Strangely the same. Of course she is her own independent operator now. I just fear some blowback if she thinks I am spreading the word all around our small/large community, which I'm not... . though this kid might say things. Others figured it out when I composed our break up FB message back in Oct. I can shut her down if she accuses me later of spreading rumors. I'm proud I kept my mouth shut throughout all of this.

Since she sent me pics of the kids this weekend, I sent her a pic of D1 last night, not minutes after I talked to her. No thank you. No response. I figure she already "switched" modes though she sounded normal on the phone last night in our brief exchange and with the kids. I need to stop figuring out what is going on in her head and deal with myself and the kids when I have them. Can't fight the future, I can only plan and then wait for what comes.

[LettingGo14]

I need to stop figuring out what is going on in her head and deal with myself and the kids when I have them. Can't fight the future, I can only plan and then wait for what comes.

Turkish, you speak the truth here.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  I'm going to try to articulate what I think we  need to do next (i.e., those of us who are detaching). 

1. Take back any power we gave them, real or imagined.  My life was a roller coaster with her, and it continued afterward, inasmuch as I continued in the FOG, and worried about her next train wreck.   You are taking care of yourself, and you are taking care of your kids.   That makes a huge difference.

2. Respond, rather than react, to the future.  As we heal, we know the future - by its very nature - remains uncertain.  However, by figuring out how we take care of self, and practicing mindfulness, we know that we will have the strength for whatever comes.  I think of all this work as exercise, re-training my brain.  So, no matter what comes, I'll be able to process it with a response, rather than a reaction.

Keep doing the good work.   Thanks for sharing.

[Turkish]

2. Respond, rather than react, to the future.  As we heal, we know the future - by its very nature - remains uncertain. 

These are wise words. Reacting implies no control. Responding implies preparendess. I need to be prepared. I prepare by going through all of the scenarios I can think of in my head and imaging how I will deal with them. I did this throughout the long physical detachment process. I feel I barely made it, but I am still here. If I am prepared in mind and soul, then whatever scenario comes, I will be confident and secure in myself that I will be able to deal with it; moreover, to not repeat the same mistakes that got me here.

[blissful_camper]

I need to stop figuring out what is going on in her head and deal with myself and the kids when I have them. Can't fight the future, I can only plan and then wait for what comes.

Turkish, you speak the truth here.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  I'm going to try to articulate what I think we  need to do next (i.e., those of us who are detaching). 

1. Take back any power we gave them, real or imagined.  My life was a roller coaster with her, and it continued afterward, inasmuch as I continued in the FOG, and worried about her next train wreck.   You are taking care of yourself, and you are taking care of your kids.   That makes a huge difference.

2. Respond, rather than react, to the future.  As we heal, we know the future - by its very nature - remains uncertain.  However, by figuring out how we take care of self, and practicing mindfulness, we know that we will have the strength for whatever comes.  I think of all this work as exercise, re-training my brain.  So, no matter what comes, I'll be able to process it with a response, rather than a reaction.

Keep doing the good work.   Thanks for sharing.

I love this.  Thank you!  I needed to hear that today. 

[arn131arn]

Turk, I went through this on Valentine's Day. "To the most wonderful man, I've ever known, hope to have many many more!"   6 weeks after knowing him, right?  Riiiiiight!

Whatever!

I have learned it is NOT about him. EVERY woman and I mean EVERY woman that has seen or knows him, tells me he is god awful-ugly! Lol! Guess when u have allot of money u get the mentally disturbed, daddy issues, good looking girls, who have NO love for you just a pure need! Pretty sad for both of them, I would say. But hey, I don't need anything but me!

I  learning to validate myself, and I'm not going to lie, I heard she is already exhibiting behaviors with him as she did with me!  It made me smile, not going to lie. She is in need of constant attention for other men! They are made for each other as far as I'm concerned. Next up, police lights in the driveway... . good luck, poor f**k!

[arn131arn]

Turk, I went through this on Valentine's Day. "To the most wonderful man, I've ever known, hope to have many many more!"

Whatever!

I have learned it is NOT about him. EVERY woman and I mean EVERY woman that has seen or knows him, tells me he is god awful-ugly! Lol! Guess when u have allot of money u get the mentally disturbed, daddy issues, good looking girls, who have NO love for you just a pure need! Pretty sad for both of them, I would say. But hey, I don't need anything but me!

I  learning to validate myself, and I'm not going to lie, I heard she is already exhibiting behaviors with him as she did with me!  It made me smile, not going to lie. She is in need of constant attention for other men! They are made for each other as far as I'm concerned. Next up, police lights in the driveway... . good luck, poor f**k!

Congrats! You got yourself a peach, I tell ya!

[Turkish]

Turk, I went through this on Valentine's Day. "To the most wonderful man, I've ever known, hope to have many many more!"

Whatever!

I have learned it is NOT about him. EVERY woman and I mean EVERY woman that has seen or knows him, tells me he is god awful-ugly! Lol! Guess when u have allot of money u get the mentally disturbed, daddy issues, good looking girls, who have NO love for you just a pure need! Pretty sad for both of them, I would say. But hey, I don't need anything but me!

I  learning to validate myself, and I'm not going to lie, I heard she is already exhibiting behaviors with him as she did with me!  It made me smile, not going to lie. She is in need of constant attention for other men! They are made for each other as far as I'm concerned. Next up, police lights in the driveway... . good luck, poor f**k!

Congrats! You got yourself a peach, I tell ya!

Thanks Arn. Mine is hot compared to me, but I haven't been called ugly since grade school.

Just found out tonight based on something weird S4 said that only 6 weeks gone and he's met my kids. I am so pissed right now, but managed to hold myself together when we talked for a bit on the nightly call. Better to play ignorant now. That thing about her working with molestation survivors concerns me. If he was, thern she will be blind to the tendency of some of them to repeat the pattern. His blatantly obvious love addiction indicates some thing off.  God, there are a lot of things in play right now. Please protect my children!

[Mutt]

I'm sorry Turk. I went through this last year. The replacement met the kids 3 weeks after she moved out. He was sleeping over at her house. Half of the week he sleeps at her house, or she brings the kids in tow (school nights too) to his place and sleeps over.  I get friction from the wife because I asked for shared custody and she's worried on how hard the adjustment is going to be on them.

A friend had told me that she had changed her relationship status from married to in a relationship with him. Again, this was under a month after she moved out. I got angry at her and told her how does she know he's not a child molester. Why are you introducing the kids to him so early? She didn't care.

I agree about not trying to worry about the future. Stay in the moment for the kids. Focus on them and don't try to think to much about what's going on in her head. Mine ignores me on her week with the kids. As soon as I pick them up, the e-mails start rolling in on my week criticizing me. It's like she wants to throw me off so I don't enjoy my time with them.

I know this is painful. Stay strong buddy.

[HealingForMe]

I cant offer any advice, just my support. My heart goes out to you & my prayers for your kids.

Good luck, stay strong

[Turkish]

I cant offer any advice, just my support. My heart goes out to you & my prayers for your kids.

Good luck, stay strong

Thank you, and Mutt and everybody!

[Dog biscuit]

Ugh Turkish... . sending some support your way!