sometimes i wonder

[corraline]

During the last stages of our relationship I soon realized the extent of his drinking issues

It seemed to make alot of things clearer . I thought i had finally figured out that he was an alcoholic and all of this crazy stuff was because of it.  Then i recently found out about BPD

He was very open to acknowledge and accept the drinking thing and showed attempts to make recovery part of his life but still continued to drink heavily. I joined al anon and attempted to remain supportive and did my best not to react to his behavior when drunk.

I have been curious though... . he raged on me a few years ago when we broke up and it was awful. It was all by email but i just couldnt believe it.  He said he was drunk.

He wasnt raging again until the last year when his drinking became more obvious to me and since it was out in the open between us it just got worse instead of better.  I was receiving more abuse by text email and when we were together.  I got scared.

Is this a sign of BPD, the rage that he tried to control but couldn't with alcohol? Or was this a sign that he feared abandonment because he wasnt able to control his drinking and was afraid that I would leave him because of it? The closer we got the worse he got at times. Since he admitted to drinking too much, he dumped me more and got nastier.

does anyone know anything about this or have experienced this?

[fromheeltoheal]

My ex wasn't a drinker but she was definitely a rager: the smallest little things, like eating too many Doritos, could trigger an outburst that would have been appropriate if I'd killed one of her children.  Of course it wasn't about the Doritos, it was about something very deep that she couldn't soothe, wouldn't talk about, and maybe was even aware of.

But I've known a few heavy drinkers, and I've drunk too much at times, and booze, or more accurately during the few days after a binge, drinkers get extremely bhity and irritable.  It's a combination of a strong dose of reality with a hangover after a chemical escape, along with the fact that alcohol is a depressant, and when it wears off the body overcompensates and everything becomes more intense and louder, to the point of irritation.  It feels so bad that some people just keep on drinking, as we know.

I can just imagine what a borderline a few days after a bender would be like; rage on top of rage can't be good.  Plus some people are happy drunks, some are mean ones, and I've noticed alcohol in general is an amplifier; whatever emotional state someone takes into a drinking adventure will escalate, which explains why there are so many bar fights.