Still Controlling As Ever

[Turkish]

The appointment with the dentist fell through for S4 since he is still a little sick. It's been rescheduled. She drives up a little late, something that always drove me nuts about her. She always made us late to things, and then somehow I'd get blamed for it. She as apologetic this time, but we were ready to go. I had the kids last night.

She let me drive her car for some reason. She insisted, wanting to sit in the backseat with S4, as the doctor said we would have to do on the way home while he came out of the sedation. Then she got in the passenger side, and I said i thought you were going to sit in the back? She replied that it was only on the way back. I thought to myself, then why am I driving there again? Still, it's a nice darn car. It's the one I put the down payment on and helped her buy it because they were trying to get one over on us. I had to do it at the time to get out of the loan from the $37K SUV I bought her/us back in August.

On the way back, she was saying that maybe he was bothered by dust bunnies under the beds. If I wanted her aunt to come clean my house, she'd pay for it. I replied that I had already moved my bed and cleaned under there a time ago. I talked about giving the kids a bath together since she does it at her house and S4 started asking me to do that here instead of a shower. Mom said, make sure you clean the tub! I felt like replying along the lines of, dust bunnies and a not quite squeaky clean tub were far less damaging then introducing them to her boy toy so soon after she left our house, but I let it lie since S4 was in the back seat.

This is what I always felt around her: anxiety. Nothing is ever good enough. I took on her anxieties as well. Not any more. I didn't feel anxiety this morning, but it was a reminder on why we are better apart than together. Apart from the other BPD behaviors, it was the constant little dramas like this that really added up. Death by a thousand stings. Since she could rarely just relax, neither could I.

[Clearmind]

There are many people in life who I have crossed paths with that are controlling.

What is it that annoys you? Is it possible to just believe in you and how you parent without letting her sideline comments bother you? Is it really worth the agrivation? It really is up to you - you are separated!

We need it find ways to deal with these triggers otherwise they continue to eat at us - which only affects the relationship with kids and ourselves.

[Turkish]

There are many people in life who I have crossed paths with that are controlling.

What is it that annoys you? Is it possible to just believe in you and how you parent without letting her sideline comments bother you? Is it really worth the agrivation? It really is up to you - you are separated!

We need it find ways to deal with these triggers otherwise they continue to eat at us - which only affects the relationship with kids and ourselves.

Thank you. She's been doing subtle things like this, and I tend to ignore them, and then she doesn't bring them up. If she brings this up again, I'll flat out say, "worry about your house, and I'll worry about mine." No SET. She doesn't deserve it. If I sense blatant emotional instability, then of course I would go back to the tools. I've had to do this again and again, be the parent to her to point out when she is crossing boundaries. Besides, I don't need spies in my home. So what if it isn't as neat and tidy as when she was there?

17 more years until I'm completely free... .