Is he trying to "replace" me?

[Climbmountains91]

Found my exBPDbf was on a dating site this morning updated it with new pics and everything so just confronted him about it (phoned him) i said were not actually split up were on a trial separation. I know i cant tell him what to do or anything and maybe i haven't a right to be mad but yeah :/ but i just asked him and he said his just looking for new friends cause his sick of having no one to hang out with cause all his friends work and he don't work, he said dont worry its not what i think. he told me when we split up he cant be in a relationship or with anybody right now because its not healthy. Is he trying to "replace" me? Or is it just he is looking for new friends. I feel so distraught right now  bleh!

[Confused?]

My ex did the same thing without the dating site. She said she needed time to fix herself and to take a few days apart. Little did I know she was using those days to see my replacement. Met him while we were still together. Lied to me about the whole thing saying she was seeing a therapist and a sponsor and that they said she was too unhealthy to be with anyone. After a few weeks I caught her with my replacement at the grocery store and she changed her number for the second time (first time was so I couldn't track who she was talking to) and she moved out of my friends house to move in with him.

That's my experience. It could have been innocent at first just a friend to hang out with because two weeks ago she was begging for me to take her back. I couldn't do it since I had a few weeks to examine the last year and a half with her and realized it was just a controlling lie fest. She just kept saying she was sorry and she would never hurt me. Then when reality hit and I saw them she was just gone.

I'm not telling you how to live your life but I too thought this person was the love of my life and would never cheat or anything. I felt she loved me and I saved her. But in the end you have to ask yourself this. The same person that sat at home waiting for me everyday for a year and a half is just suddenly gone with someone new? Clearly they have no sense of love and it's all about them.

[Confused?]

I was strung along the whole time she was seeing the new guy. Still talking to me but barely. Seemed very distant. Wasn't her. Everytime I tried to go over her place and talk she blew me off. She was exhausting all her energy in the replacement and I didn't want to accept it. It's best to just get out before a month passes and then you find out the hard way.

[WalrusGumboot]

Is he trying to "replace" me? Or is it just he is looking for new friends.

I would go with your gut feel here. I think you see the writing on the wall.

I can tell you what I think, but I think you already know.

[Climbmountains91]

Im so sorry to hear what she did confused?   .

Up until now i would never have him down as a lier but why are the new pics kind of like sexy poses. Well there nothing rude or anything but it just seems odd to have photos like that for meeting "new friends" and the more i read about BPD i know they are the masters of lying. He lied to me about loving me and only stayed with me because he didn't wanna hurt me and is scared i would take our daughter away from him. He is being distant with me lately as i am with him. I told him i couldn't be in his company right now when he sees our daughter because I'm always expecting something and it hurts so he'll have to have her on his own which he tried to persuade me not to at first but stuck to my guns. Maybe he'd know id see the dating thing and did to lure me in so he didnt have to have her on his own because in his words he cant cope. I dont know what his game is. Or maybe i need to stop analysing stuff and its completely innocent.

I hate this stupid disorder. Its such a shame he has a beautiful daughter and a woman that will never give up on him and loves him to pieces.

Last week he told me he went to the pub so he told me but found on Facebook (because i stalk him) which isnt good he put himself and a guy friend on the guest-list for nightclub and found his ex was on it for the same night. He hates his ex because she cheated on him and tells me how much he hates her but seems a bit weird but they do live in the same city. Bleh my thoughts are just going round and round really hacked off today finding that.

[Confused?]

Never thought mine lied either. Then after her lies became more obvious I looked back and it was all a lie. Her last boyfriend "cheated" too and her previous ones. I trusted her more than anyone and now that everything has happened it was all just an act.

The reason she still talked to me while she was seeing the new guy was because she needed to keep her options open if the new guy didn't work out.

[blueman54321]

If my ex BPD is anything to go by, I would be concerned.

Mine lined herself up with a guy on plenty of fish during one of her push/pulls when she runs off to her Mothers (enabler), came back to me, for a week and a half during which I found the POF history on her phone (she thinks she's high functioning heh).

She insisted it was just for a self esteem boost. And I closed it all down, and decided to forgive her. Then a week later we split up again and who was she trying to get with? You guessed it, the same guy. Although in the end he didn't want her but she found someone else 3000 miles away now who she is talking to and likely exposing herself to on webcam. whore.

[HappyNihilist]

Up until now i would never have him down as a lier but why are the new pics kind of like sexy poses. Well there nothing rude or anything but it just seems odd to have photos like that for meeting "new friends" and the more i read about BPD i know they are the masters of lying. He lied to me about loving me and only stayed with me because he didn't wanna hurt me and is scared i would take our daughter away from him.

If you believe he lied to you about something as big as loving you, why would you be inclined to believe anything else he says? And why would you continue to want someone who you feel lied about loving you?

Last week he told me he went to the pub so he told me but found on Facebook (because i stalk him) which isnt good

No, it's not. You might want to reconsider doing it.

he put himself and a guy friend on the guest-list for nightclub and found his ex was on it for the same night. He hates his ex because she cheated on him and tells me how much he hates her but seems a bit weird but they do live in the same city. Bleh my thoughts are just going round and round really hacked off today finding that.

You will continue to find things to torment yourself over if you continue to look for them.

You share a child with this person, so you'll have to maintain some sort of relationship with him in the future. To do that in a way that's healthy for all of you, you've got to minimize the drama.