Maybe off topic for healing but am thinking why.

[AG]

So last week one of my front desk staff found a mood ring in my job. She tried it on in front of me and it immediately changed color. I tried it on as well and it immediately turned purple. I researched what the colors meant and purple is sensual,love, or romantic. I thought this was odd being that my internal mood is either anger,extreme depression,nausea, or extrme anxiety. This is how i feel every single day. Ive tried the ring on everyday this week and it is always purple. Others have tried it on at work as well and it is never purple. I resesrched how mood rings work and from what I read ur emotions give off specific heat signatures and change the color of the crystal accordingly. They are supposedly pretty effective. My front desk girl actually made herself mad in front of me and it turned red right away. One day she tried it on and i noticed her facial expression was downish or depressed. Im wondering why the f#### is mine always purple. I do not feel sensual or in love I feel hurt and damn near crazy. What gives with that stupid ring?

[LettingGo14]

I do not feel sensual or in love I feel hurt and damn near crazy. What gives with that stupid ring?

Perhaps this is a metaphor, in some ways.   You actually do have love to give inside of you, and this is a reminder of that.   We are all the sum of our experiences -- I know that I loved my ex-girlfriend with my entire heart and soul, and I also know that the ability to love with my entire heart and soul still exists within me, even though she is gone.

There is a wise tale about a gemstone buried for a million years.  It was deep within the earth, buried.  And when it emerges it shines brightly and clearly despite a million years beneath the earth.  

Maybe the mood ring is meant to remind you that you have that love inside of you.  What do you think?

[AG]

Maybe so. I actually just thought that deep down inside I still have love in my heart for her regardless of what she has done to me and having anxiety,anger, depression and whatever else I feel cannot mask what truly is. Kinda annoys me thinking that about myself and makes me feel more like a sucker. If thats the case though then it is what it is. I definitely like that wise story about the Gem thanks for sharing.

[LettingGo14]

Maybe so. I actually just thought that deep down inside I still have love in my heart for her regardless of what she has done to me and having anxiety,anger, depression and whatever else I feel cannot mask what truly is. Kinda annoys me thinking that about myself and makes me feel more like a sucker. If thats the case though then it is what it is. I definitely like that wise story about the Gem thanks for sharing.

I beat myself up for a long time.  Asking, why did I fall so hard?  Why didn't I see the red flags?  Why did I accept gaslighting?  Devaluation?  Recycling?  Abandonment?

In part, it's because I wanted love.  And I had it for a while.   

I'm coming to accept that my capacity to love is still there.  I still want it.  I can still access it.

Don't be too hard on yourself -- you were not a sucker.   If we stay annoyed at ourselves, we bury the gemstone again. 

We can hold it in our hands for a while.  We can share it again.   Keep posting -- you are doing the work.

[Skip]

Im wondering why is mine always purple. I do not feel sensual or in love I feel hurt and damn near crazy. What gives with that stupid ring?

AG, it's just measuring skin temperature.

Maybe so. I actually just thought that deep down inside I still have love in my heart for her regardless of what she has done to me and having anxiety, anger, depression and whatever else I feel cannot mask what truly is. Kinda annoys me thinking that about myself and makes me feel more like a sucker.

It's hard to lose someone you love.  It sounds like in the end she had resentment and she was tried to hurt/humiliate you, and that makes it even more painful. Immature people can feel elevated by being able to hurt someone.

It's pretty normal to have the mixed feelings that you have.  And its a hard mixture to deal with.

Hurting someone who really cares for you is as easy as throwing stone in the lake but you don't know, how deep that stone goes.