Should I request a hospitalization at tomorrow's appt?

[Parents! Get help here!]

I have been setting realistic boundaries for my 14 yr old dd. She refuses to do any homework, and it's a major battle every morning getting her to go to school. When she does complete the intermittent homework, she always scores As and Bs. She is in grade 9.

Our district has a parent portal, where the teachers record assignments given, and then post the grades they received for the assignments. I explained to her that she has algebra homework missing (7 assignments) dating back to the beginning of April (she has a 51 average). I explained that I would be taking her laptop if she does not get them completed. She has lied to me, the teacher, etc about getting them done (telling me she's just to lazy to turn them in, and the teacher that she doesn't understand them).  Since she has lost her laptop, she comes home every day and has MAJOR temper tantrums, screaming every obscenity and hurtful thing she can think of, trying to twist things to make me the bad guy, etc. For the past 2 days, her anger has been over the top, kicking an ottoman out from under me, slamming doors, and hitting her 5 yr old sister.

She then proceeds to storm out of the house (we live in the mountains in the country so she can't go far) and comes back within a half hour, then starts the badgering again.

I have just reiterated that I love her and understand she is upset, however, this is her responsbility, and all she has to do is do and turn in her worksheets. When the extreme verbal abuse starts, I try to just ignore and walk away. We have had to put a lock/key on our bedroom door to sometimes get away from her, and keeping her from ramsacking our room looking for her laptop. Then, a couple of hours later, she acts like nothing happened and keeps asking why I am so quiet.

I've been trying to use the techniques I've read here, but she seems to be escalating in her anger.

We are meeting with the therapist and psych tomorrow, and they had talked about the possibility of another hospitalization. It totally breaks my heart, because I know the extent of her separation anxiety, but we can't continue to live like this whenever she is told no or a boundary is put in place.

Then, I start second guessing myself, wondering if I am being too harsh in my expectations.

Any thoughts/ suggestions/ recommendations of the kind of things I should be asking her dr?

[grandmabear]

I have been setting realistic boundaries for my 14 yr old dd. She refuses to do any homework, and it's a major battle every morning getting her to go to school. When she does complete the intermittent homework, she always scores As and Bs. She is in grade 9.

Our district has a parent portal, where the teachers record assignments given, and then post the grades they received for the assignments. I explained to her that she has algebra homework missing (7 assignments) dating back to the beginning of April (she has a 51 average). I explained that I would be taking her laptop if she does not get them completed. She has lied to me, the teacher, etc about getting them done (telling me she's just to lazy to turn them in, and the teacher that she doesn't understand them).  Since she has lost her laptop, she comes home every day and has MAJOR temper tantrums, screaming every obscenity and hurtful thing she can think of, trying to twist things to make me the bad guy, etc. For the past 2 days, her anger has been over the top, kicking an ottoman out from under me, slamming doors, and hitting her 5 yr old sister.

She then proceeds to storm out of the house (we live in the mountains in the country so she can't go far) and comes back within a half hour, then starts the badgering again.

I have just reiterated that I love her and understand she is upset, however, this is her responsbility, and all she has to do is do and turn in her worksheets. When the extreme verbal abuse starts, I try to just ignore and walk away. We have had to put a lock/key on our bedroom door to sometimes get away from her, and keeping her from ramsacking our room looking for her laptop. Then, a couple of hours later, she acts like nothing happened and keeps asking why I am so quiet.

I've been trying to use the techniques I've read here, but she seems to be escalating in her anger.

We are meeting with the therapist and psych tomorrow, and they had talked about the possibility of another hospitalization. It totally breaks my heart, because I know the extent of her separation anxiety, but we can't continue to live like this whenever she is told no or a boundary is put in place.

Then, I start second guessing myself, wondering if I am being too harsh in my expectations.

Any thoughts/ suggestions/ recommendations of the kind of things I should be asking her dr?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Dear grammabear

I am glad you have found yur way here. I am sorry you are struggling with your sd. What I don't understand is why she would need to be hospitalized? Has she treatened to hurt herself? Is she is danger?

School is a big trigger for my dd16 and math is her worse subject. Is it possible you could sit down with her and go over her assignments? Could she make appointments with her teacher to go in for tutoring to help her with these assignments. I think sometimes when they have dug a hole so deep they can't seem to get out.

I like to make the natural consequences coming into play as much as possible... . why did you take her lap top? What sould happen if you failed her math? Summer school? I think going to summer school would be worse than taking the lap top.

I like that you put the lock on your door... . the badgering can be hard to take at times and this can give you some relief. What meds is your dd on?

[jellibeans]

Just checking in woth you to see how things are going... . hope things have improved for you all...