Small things hurt

[Facingit]

I have been on here for about a week now, my exBPD fiance left me about a month ago.  She has since gotten married and I knew who it was, by hearing from friends about what she did on facebook through our mutual friends, but never had any real confirmation visually, by asking my friends/her, or anyone else because I already knew.  I was on facebook today, which I don't like most of the time.  I don't think it is a way to communicate your every little thing in life.  I got on there to delete our old pictures, and I thought I had already done that, heard that I did not finish the process.  I saw her new last name and a picture of her and the guy kissing right next to the pics she tagged me in, the same guy that I thought it was, knowing each other less than a month.  It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is.  It is more real than it was before, I saw that she changed her last name etc... .   I had a good day, hurting again.

[AwakenedOne]

They have no ability to support or get out their own heads for the most part, sacrificing some of your own feelings and needs is part of a compromise and commitment in order love one another, but not all the time like I did.  I know it's too much for them with their pain, but the amount they suck out of us is horrifying.  I could not live with myself if I did some of the things she did without forgiving myself or apologizing.  I believed lies, and got blamed for questioning.  The worst part is that when we broke it off, she found that BPD way to blame it all on me, manipulated everything.

Facingit,

I read your introduction post. These words describe my beliefs too and also what I went through. Compromise and commitment is so important in a serious relationship. Our marriage didn't have that.  I'm married but separated to my uBPDstbxw. Be glad you didn't get married. I know it hurts but she unintentionaly did you a favor. I have been through a ton of stuff in a 4 yr marriage. Sorry your going through all of this. Hang in there, continue to post and good luck on your new path.



AO

[heartandwhole]

Facingit,

I'd like to welcome to the community, too.  I've read your previous posts, and I am really sorry for your pain. If I had seen my ex-fiancé's picture like that, I would have felt very, very hurt.  You have been through a lot, and I hope you will be gentle with yourself as you grieve this loss.  

Can you do something kind and caring for yourself today, that will help you feel better?  

Feeling the emotions around this is very hard, and it takes strength to be able to step back just a little and inquire into them, which you are already doing (step 1, 2 of Detachment on the sidebar)

You will get through this, Facingit.  Keep writing, we're here for you.