How to survive while making the decision

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I just posted my story in the in the Intro part... . I'm new to the board.  Although I know I should leave, I struggle with actually doing it (it's been 10 years of me saying I know I should leave... . and here we are 1 kid and another 1 on the way).

In the midst of making this decision and a plan... . how do I stay sane?  He does things to literally make me crazy (I assume so he can call me the crazy one and act like he's normal).  I've been trying for days to just ignore him and only talk to him when it has to do with our son, but he will find any way to pull me in.  This morning he couldn't get a rise out of me so he started sending me texts on the way to bringing our son to school about how he's already met someone new and she treats him like a real man, he even sent me pictures of some young girl.  I started going back and forth with him, but then realized it will only make it worse and ignored the texts and pictures.  Since I ignored him he then calls my work phone asking me where I left our sons medication.  I know I left it on the dresser where he asked me to so he could bring it to his school, I put it there (he complained about me putting it down too hard when I did).  I even had to stop at the house after I dropped our son off on my way to work to grab something and saw it there again when I walked out.  But he calls me and again tries to make it seem like I'm wrong and says "well it's not there."  I know he just does this stuff to make me crazy.  I wouldn't put it past him to just be getting a random girls picture off a social media site and sending them to me to pretend it's his new girl.  He's very sick like that... . he does alot of things to really make me think I'm crazy.

Any advice on surviving while trying to make the decision what to do?  Although I want to leave, I'm scared to leave with now 2 kids.  Financially I will struggle awfully (although with him I will never be able to save because he blows all his and my money).  He will have visitation with the kids (because he's father of the year according to everyone else) and I'm scared he'll brain wash my kids when he has them alone.  I don't know which is worse... . staying and finding a way to survive or leaving and still finding a way to survive.  I feel like either way he will do whatever he can to make my life miserable.

He sometimes admits he has a problem and needs help... . but I suspect he only does it when he seems me at my breaking point.   Then he'll tell me he's sorry, he needs help and how he can't live without me and that he knows even if he goes to someone else at first things would be good but eventually they'd find out what he's really like.

I need help navigating this please

[CryingOut4Help]

I just posted my story in the in the Intro part... . I'm new to the board.  Although I know I should leave, I struggle with actually doing it (it's been 10 years of me saying I know I should leave... . and here we are 1 kid and another 1 on the way).

In the midst of making this decision and a plan... . how do I stay sane?  He does things to literally make me crazy (I assume so he can call me the crazy one and act like he's normal).  I've been trying for days to just ignore him and only talk to him when it has to do with our son, but he will find any way to pull me in.  This morning he couldn't get a rise out of me so he started sending me texts on the way to bringing our son to school about how he's already met someone new and she treats him like a real man, he even sent me pictures of some young girl.  I started going back and forth with him, but then realized it will only make it worse and ignored the texts and pictures.  Since I ignored him he then calls my work phone asking me where I left our sons medication.  I know I left it on the dresser where he asked me to so he could bring it to his school, I put it there (he complained about me putting it down too hard when I did).  I even had to stop at the house after I dropped our son off on my way to work to grab something and saw it there again when I walked out.  But he calls me and again tries to make it seem like I'm wrong and says "well it's not there."  I know he just does this stuff to make me crazy.  I wouldn't put it past him to just be getting a random girls picture off a social media site and sending them to me to pretend it's his new girl.  He's very sick like that... . he does alot of things to really make me think I'm crazy.

Any advice on surviving while trying to make the decision what to do?  Although I want to leave, I'm scared to leave with now 2 kids.  Financially I will struggle awfully (although with him I will never be able to save because he blows all his and my money).  He will have visitation with the kids (because he's father of the year according to everyone else) and I'm scared he'll brain wash my kids when he has them alone.  I don't know which is worse... . staying and finding a way to survive or leaving and still finding a way to survive.  I feel like either way he will do whatever he can to make my life miserable.

He sometimes admits he has a problem and needs help... . but I suspect he only does it when he seems me at my breaking point.   Then he'll tell me he's sorry, he needs help and how he can't live without me and that he knows even if he goes to someone else at first things would be good but eventually they'd find out what he's really like.

I need help navigating this please

[deflated]

Hi

I dont know.  I'm still tyring to work that out myself.  It feels a lot like the decision has already moved ahead anyway, so personally its about surviving the next stages that are about to hit like a tidal wave.

I'm holding on to hope.  Hope that "once this is all over", I can have a life for ME that is not focused on the myriad needs of someone who's broken.  Someone who made me feel like 'the king of the world' when we first met, but has gradually turned my life upside down with the affects of this condition. 

At one time, divorce seemed like such a painful, slow process that was something I wanted to avoid at all costs.  Right now, it seems like the less painful solution than living with someone who gives me (us) such an unstable basis for existence that I feel like I no longer function properly.  And then has the temerity to pummel me for it.