Coping before the move.

[lettinggoletmego]

I live with my exBPD and I am in the process of waiting to move. Im waiting and hoping for my job transfer to pull through which may be sometime in July. I was feeling great and excited but daily it is starting to get to me. It sucks, everyday, im just waiting and I fell I am living my life on his terms.I am living for him not me. I say this cuz I dont want to live in this area and i spend alot of time running the house or stressed. I have to go to car just to talk to family about moving. i will sit and look at furniture online, and read these forums trying to get though the days. I dont know how to coupe still being here. I was excited about summer and soon to be free. I was working  out and losing weight but now i am getting depressed again. Constantly, falling of track with my diet when i was so disciplined. I wake up everyday, disspointed. Its a feeling that is so different and it is painful. I dont love him or want him back.  Has anyone experience a wait period before moving?  How did you pass the time and help cope? I tried hobbies but that was a failure. Please, help.

[NewMom]

 

I am waiting for my dBPDh to move his things out of our apartment as well.  I am still unsure if we will ever get back together again.  If the things he did to me will be deemed forgivable by me at some point (at the moment no).  So I am in a state of limbo as well.  He keeps putting off looking for an apartment and therefore all of his things (and the memories attached to these things) are here for me to stare at and feel horrible. 

What I try to do is get out of the apartment as much as possible.  Go to the library or friends on rainy days, go for long walks on sunny days.  Whatever gets me to think of myself and how I would like to continue leading my life. 

Take care of yourself! 

[Narellan]

Lettinggo, I feel your pain in your post. It's such a traumatic time. Putting the BPD aside the 2 biggest stresses in life are 1. Relationship breakup/ divorce and 2. Moving house.

And you have BPD issues on top of that! Your reactions are perfectly normal in your situation. Many here will identify with your post, and I thank you for sharing.

You mentioned you have to go to the car to talk about your moving out. Why is that? Is your exBPD unaware that you are planning to leave?

July is still a long way off, is there anyone you can stay with until your job eventuates?

I encourage you to keep posting your thoughts/ feelings here. There is always support for you. You are not alone in this. If you are feeling like you are in danger I would encourage you to move now and temporarily stay with a friend or somewhere safe. You need to look after yourself now you have decided to leave.

Have a read through other posts on L3 Leaving board. You may pick up some helpful tips and resources while you are in this limbo. Take care sweetie. We are here for you 

[boywholeadsdogs]

Minimalism helped me a lot. It's not for everyone (well, I think it is for everyone, it's just difficult to get past attachments as everyone on this board knows) The whole idea of minimalism is focusing on and finding what you do enjoy and getting rid of anything that doesn't. Hobbies, possessions, relationships... .

Your body and a bag of clothes are easy to move. You could walk out right now, stay in a hostel, travel around. Nobody stopping you. The stress in moving, at least for me, is how the heck do I get all of my stuff from one building to another? I was never relaxed until it was done, and even then any time I'd travel I'd be stressed about all of the stuff I had at home. This website is particularly useful for people who want to check it out.

www.theminimalists.com/minimalism/

(and this to drive the point home) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac

I got into it before meaning my BPD wife and it's helping a lot with the divorce. I have a bookcase and a few bags worth of stuff to move, and if need be I could ditch it (minimalism takes you from the mentality of buying and getting more to the mentality of getting rid of things, since you aren't spending as much it's easy to replace something if need be) If she really does push taking a possession or two she can have them, I can either live without it (probably happier) or get a new one.

[lettinggoletmego]

He does know that I plan to move. He somehow thinks its around fall when really it will probably be the summer. We have two kids and I dont have alot of money so I cant just leave and live in hotel. I have noone to stay with. All of my family is far away and that is where I plan to move back. He goes through moods. Sometimes he is nice and other times he likes I am evil. IDk.