An email I've written to send to my ex, but have not yet sent

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Oh yea... I wrote one of those to my first BPD ex...

it was so loving. it was a missed connections thing.

It went back and forth her twisting every loving thing

I said into something negative.

I actually took the time, unlike on here, to write eloquently.

It was almost like I wrote something completely different

than she had read!

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Oh yea... I wrote one of those to my first BPD ex...

it was so loving. it was a missed connections thing.

It went back and forth her twisting every loving thing

I said into something negative.

I actually took the time, unlike on here, to write eloquently.

It was almost like I wrote something completely different

than she had read!

[willy45]

Yahoo!

Good for you for not sending it. That's awesome. The thoughts will turn, don't worry. The only way they won't is if you have contact. So, this is a great step. Good for you man. That's a huge step forward.

[AwakenedOne]

Is it possible to be "just friends" with an ex who has BPD?  It is difficult to be just friends with an ex when there is no personality disorder involved, in any case.

I am just thinking about it from my situation - there is no ways I could just be "friends" with my soon to be ex BPDh.  I have become his absolute trigger for everyone who ever hurt him and abandoned him.  He seems to think that I am all of that wrapped up into one person... .

I truly believe that No Contact is the best both for our ex and for us, under these circumstances.  It is so difficult to have to hold onto your urge to want to reach out and extend the basic human decency of telling her that you never meant her any harm, that you feel for her and understand things are tough for her, etc. But, she has a problem receiving the message and decoding it the way you meant it... . it will likely just get distorted in her brain and trigger another negative response towards you.  No Contact breaks this dysfunctional dynamic.  Just keep the knowledge safe in your heart  as to what your perspective  is on how things were from your side in this relationship.

JT,

I agree with these words also.

AO

[GlitterBug]

Listen, John... . I understand where you are. I'm right there with you.  Sometimes, i wake up and hope this is all just one long bad dream.  It seems like things took a turn so fast.  One minute I had found my soulmate and things were prefect.  The next, the one I called best friend and lover was telling to "relationships just don't always work out, get over it!"  

As soon as we started settling in to what I would call "the good stuff", the part of the relationship where you settle in and start nesting with your best friend, he started picking fights and storming off for whole weekends.  Now I realize he did that so he could hunt for a replacement or worse, BE with her in the honeymoon stage. While I sat at home heartbroken wondering wha in the world was So wrong?

Honey, this is doomed at the start.  Before they met us, they were broken.  But they get themselves all spiffed up and tuck that crazy in so it doesn't show... . long enough to hook us.

People laugh when I say if Ryan Gosling showed up at my door, naked and offering to marry me on my doorstep, I would yell I gave at the office and slam the door in his face.  I find very little lately appealing, especially the opposite sex.  I only long for those hugs from that man that I thought loved me.  I called him my human Prozac.  No matter how crappy the day, I was always giddy to hop into bed at the end of each day to be held by him as I drifted off to sleep.  I had never felt that way about a man in my life.  I'm kinda tough, I had some huge walls to scale.  And I tore them down with a backhoe for him and let him access all the spaces in my heart.  Now what?

We keep moving.  It's hard.  I used to take pride in being called a Super Woman. A hard working single mom, I always cooked a meal at night, kept a spotless house, me ad my kids did all sorts of thngs together.  I had hobbies and interests and PERSONALITY.  Now, I wear the mask.  So I can function outside this house I put on the brave face.  But at home, things aren't the same.  My kids have seen it, I have slipped away.  I hope it gets better.  I'm trying to get better, I'm doing all the right things.  But I can't control time.  And TIME is what it will take to bounce back from this.  I can;t be pushed or controlled.  No one can give us an estimate as some get over it sooner and others only years later.  In some ways some never totally do.

Why am I rambling on like this.  To show you, as you sit whereever you live,  in your home, feeling that life is racing on past for everybody BUT you, there those like me, sitting in our homes, feeling the SAME WAY about a TOTALLY DIFFERENT person but God don't they all sound the same in many ways?

Sometimes, just knowing we are NOT crazy OR alone and someone else knows where we are coming from, can be comfort enough.

It isn't much, but for now that is all I have and all you have as well. Take it... .  

Fab post! I can relate to so much of what you said

[JohnThorn]

There's a great likelihood that I will be running into my ex this weekend. My friend is playing a show and many of her friends are going. I am scheduled to join my friend on stage too. The venue is in her neighborhood too. And she knows I will be there. I am also fairly confident that between all the Facebook shares, that she absolutely knows of the gig and that I will be there.

It's caused me to feel very excited, emotionally stimulated, worried, embarrassed... . some part of me hopes she shows up. But I know her well enough to know that if she shows up, it will probably be with a man, and the objective will be to watch my reaction and see that I care.

[Infared]

There's a great likelihood that I will be running into my ex this weekend. My friend is playing a show and many of her friends are going. I am scheduled to join my friend on stage too. The venue is in her neighborhood too. And she knows I will be there. I am also fairly confident that between all the Facebook shares, that she absolutely knows of the gig and that I will be there.

It's caused me to feel very excited, emotionally stimulated, worried, embarrassed... . some part of me hopes she shows up. But I know her well enough to know that if she shows up, it will probably be with a man, and the objective will be to watch my reaction and see that I care.

John... . I have gone thru this over the years, again and again... still the same. If she is with the guy that she ran off with, they will go out of their way to emotionally act-out trying to abuse me like a couple of 7th-graders? Hugging, kissing... they actually came into a place I was once, sat at the closet table that they could, both facing me and stared at me with smiles on there faces. Unbelievable.  If she is alone... she goes out of her way to try to walk up to me like nothing ever happened and acts like we are best friends. It is so insane.  In all instances, I just put my head down and walk to where I am going with no interaction. I keep a blank look on my face. How could I possibly interact with that person. It still hurts... . but at least I know I am protecting me. I had no clue that adults actually acted this way. No clue.