How is it possible that BPDs around the globe use similar vocabulary?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

How is it possible that BPDs with different backgrounds around the globe use similar vocabulary?

I find it so spooky to read some of the comments and BPDs from different countries, with different backgrounds and from different cultures use similar phrases (“respect me”, “it doesn’t work”, “don’t contact me” etc) and behaviours.  Are only Caucasians with European ancestors are affected? Maybe there is something wrong with their genes? Or are Asians, Africans, Caribbeans etc affected as well.

Stay Positive

[StayPositive]

How is it possible that BPDs with different backgrounds around the globe use similar vocabulary?

I find it so spooky to read some of the comments and BPDs from different countries, with different backgrounds and from different cultures use similar phrases (“respect me”, “it doesn’t work”, “don’t contact me” etc) and behaviours.  Are only Caucasians with European ancestors are affected? Maybe there is something wrong with their genes? Or are Asians, Africans, Caribbeans etc affected as well.

Stay Positive

[LoveLove]

Add in the Middle East too... .

It is interesting how they do have the same vocabulary though. I got the following:

Positives:

"I'm so in love with you, you don't even know"

"You're mine forever and always"

"I love you the most"

"You're my everything"

(to list a few)

NEGATIVES:

"Please respect my request and leave me be"

"You deserve the best"

"I hope you find what you're looking for"

"If you truly love me, then don't write me anymore"

"You don't need me... . run"

[Red Sky]

Yep, we've been talking about it on the Leaving board and everyone has a similar tale.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=226477.0

It is very interesting to find that the same things have been expressed in so many cases... .

[StayPositive]

Thanks RedSky.  I still wonder if BPDs are more common in some countries/ cultures than others.  Have you seen any statistics?

I try to forget what my ex PBDgf/friend told me.  I believe at the time she said these things she meant it, but she never was able to live what she said.  It feels like she has become a zombie and her mind is controlled by someone else.

Stay Positive

[Red Sky]

You raise a very interesting point! I have read that developing BPD has a lot to do with an unstable home environment. For example domestic violence... . Different places do tend to have different degrees of tolerance of it and/or different ways of dealing with it.

I don't think that you'll ever be able to fully decouple the environmental factors from the genetic ones. I'm fairly certain I read about a study done on twins to try and figure out if there was a genetic component - but it couldnt be considered conclusive because they also grew up together.

Though I guess that by talking about someone's cultural background you are talking about both environmental and genetic factors.

[antjs]

Add in the Middle East too... .

It is interesting how they do have the same vocabulary though. I got the following:

Positives:

"I'm so in love with you, you don't even know"

"You're mine forever and always"

"I love you the most"

"You're my everything"

(to list a few)

NEGATIVES:

"Please respect my request and leave me be"

"You deserve the best"

"I hope you find what you're looking for"

"If you truly love me, then don't write me anymore"

"You don't need me... . run"

my exBPD is from lebanon. I am middle eastern too. I hope she is not the same person 

[lemon flower]

my ex's mother was antillian (mixed race), and I'm pretty sure he got the BPD from her, actually he has two brothers of whom I assume they have the disorder too (in various degrees), so add the caucasian blood from their dad and you have a very well blended coctail... .

another BPD-ex (the first one) was half caucasian half arab, again in this particular case I suppose he got the illness from his mom's side

ofcourse this has no statistical value but I would think psychiatric diseases or disorders are not racially/culturally determined, however I do think that the stress of western society could trigger the disorder, did you read "borderline times" ?

[Ihope2]

I agree that culture can have an influence on the development of personality disorders.  In a culture where family life and extended family play a big role, perhaps it is a protective factor for a young child - there is more likely to be a warm caregiver for the infant, even if the mother is unavailable.  So attachment issues are not so much of a factor in that child's development... . ?

Also, cultural understanding and interpretation of mental illness varies.  In South Africa, amongst some of the African cultures, for example Schizophrenia is considered somewhat of a gift. The ancestors are calling and speaking through such a person and that person is destined to become a "sangoma" or faith healer.

Interesting point.  I think our more "westernised" world/culture brings with it a lot of mental health challenges... . Personality Disorders like NPD, BPD, APD, HPD, and other disorders such as Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Reactive Depression, etc.

[lemon flower]

hi Ihope

I agree with the arguments you point here, you're mentioning two interesting things here:

- environment plays a crucial role in developing the illness, and is of more importance than the country or culture itself;

in the case of my exes; the last one's mom came from a fragile environment of prostitution and abuse in a third world country and the first one's mom was allready genetically determined with psychiatric disease in her familyline and on top of that had lived a very isolated life with her husband here in Europe away from the support of her own family, not speaking our local laguage and not integrated in our culture, she has spend the first 15 years of her marriage alone in her house, unable to take properly care of her children, and since then has spent her time in a specialised clinic... .she's doing better now but it stays a very sad story :-(

- there is definitely a cultural difference in the approach of mental and psychiatric diseases, in some countries and small societies the sufferers will be accepted and even valued in some ways, but in others will happen the opposite; they will be banned and/or put away!

I'm sure that in many closed, isolated societies awful things that can't see the light happen to "sick" people :-(

[lemon flower]

Also, cultural understanding and interpretation of mental illness varies.  In South Africa, amongst some of the African cultures, for example Schizophrenia is considered somewhat of a gift. The ancestors are calling and speaking through such a person and that person is destined to become a "sangoma" or faith healer.

hi Ihope, just came across this article, thought you might be interested... .

www.earthweareone.com/what-a-shaman-sees-in-a-mental-hospital/

[kba1969]

These similar lines haunt me daily.

It's not you it's me.

I just need some time and space.

You deserve someone better.

I feel so safe with you.

This is the most normal relationship I've had.

You treated me like a princess.

Nobody has made me feel the way you do.

I love you. (The ultimate F You)

[Banshee]

The use of the words, Demons and Evil and Hate was kinda strange to me ,I've never had anyone in all my life use these words while in a relationship.  But yet never heard  I'm sorry...

[Blimblam]

The words I never heard. "I am sorry I hurt you"

[trappedinlove]

The words I never heard. "I am sorry I hurt you"

The closest to this I got was "I'm sorry, but I can't return to you what you want and that makes me feel so guilty I have to stay distant"

Classic BPD and very true but she did feel sorry that her guilt pushed her away from me but I felt that her emotions and needs over clouded mine and my pain just made it worse for her so she was overwhelmed. Oh well.

It was almost like she was angry at me because I couldn't love her less, like she wanted... .

TIL

[BorisAcusio]

The words I never heard. "I am sorry I hurt you"

Spot on. I've heard something similar once, actually she was angry, when said it. It happened after I found out she had an affair  behind my back. No guilt, because of the harm done to "good object", no mourning over the possible loss of that object. She felt entitled to do that and was angry because got caught.

It wasn't even half-hearted, just a learnt cultural thing.

[wake up]

The words I never heard. "I am sorry I hurt you"

Spot on. I've heard something similar once, actually she was angry, when said it. It happened after I found out she had an affair  behind my back. No guilt, because of the harm done to "good object", no mourning over the possible loss of that object. She felt entitled to do that and was angry because got caught.

It wasn't even half-hearted, just a learnt cultural thing.

Ugh know this one very well! My Syrian uBPDexbf had sex with several women in what he saw as revenge for me cheating, except that I hadn't cheated, I had kissed 3 people over the 20 or more break ups in 18 months.  Never went near anyone when I was with him (how could I? I was even allowed out) I had been trying to get away from him and create distance.

One of the last things he said to me was that he wasn't sorry for anything he did because I had deserved it.  He even made up stories to hurt me more than necessary. That lack of empathy is what scared me the most to be honest. Crazy stuff.  No healthy person gets their kicks out of hurting someone they love.  In fact we avoid hurting people as much as possible.

The thing that sticks in my mind was a conversation I had with a divorced Syrian lady who cuts my hair.  She told me that a Syrian man will treat you like the most beautiful and precious diamond, but he will lock it up so that no one else will ever see it. I thought it was a cultural thing for a long time but in the end I discovered BPD and I also have healthy plutonic friendships with arab classmates of mine that made me see he is not normal- he controlling, manipulative and down right cruel.

Anyone who can hurt you and feel nothing does not truly love you.